Where, then, to start this week’s circuitous sermon on soccer-related matters? With Kit Symons appointment as the latest ‘permanaent’ manager of Fulham Football Club, perhaps? With detailed ruminations on the minutiae of the 90 minute encounter? Or with philosophical musings on the parallels between football and (‘real') life? No, not with any of these; but with half a roasted chicken, with chips, salad and a pint of Hacker-Pschorr’s finest German lager.
For it was, indeed, at The Oktoberfest pub on the Fulham Road that I had arranged to meet my older brother, Kevin, before the game - the point at which my 'story' starts. I have been to see just one Fulham match with Kevin in the last 30 or so years. That coming together was for a fateful FA Cup match in February of this year, which turned out to be memorable for all the wrong reasons; for Kevin, for me and for René Meulensteen (see my previous post, elsewhere on this blog page: “Once Were Warriors - Fulham FC vs. Sheffield United FC ... the magic of the F. A. Cup” - 4/2/14). That game had featured a bizarre team selection by Meulensteen; and ever bizarre-er substitutions: Fulham ending the game without a recognised striker on the pitch, without a place in the next round and soon to be without their manager. Obviously no Fulham manager would ever make the mistake of under-estimating their cup opposition (and the opportunity for an extended cup run) ever again, right?
The rare nature of my sightings of the Greater Harney at Fulham FC is despite the fact it is entirely HIS fault that I follow West London’s finest (and the whole of London’s oldest) professional football club, at all. It was on one scorching, soar-away, Summer Saturday afternoon - 11th September 1976 - that my affiliative fate was sealed. That’s when Kevin took me along to an early season second tier game at Craven Cottage – my first ever professional match. It was a 0 – 0 draw between Fulham & Wolves; but it was a 'good' and exciting 0-0 draw, with great goal keepers in form for both sides (Peter Mellor and Gary Pierce?). It also turned out to be the featured game on “Match of the Day” that night. Fulham fielded Bobby Moore, George Best and Rodney Marsh, amongst others. Wolves also featured a comparatively star-studded line-up. I was hooked; but it was Wolves who went on to gain promotion back to the top flight that year, as division champions, while Fulham floundered in the lower divisions for a further 24 years.
By Tuesday last week, a lot of water, beer, chicken and chips, relegations, promotions and club managers had all passed under the Craven Cottage ‘bridge’ - along with a near-extinction and a spell spent far too close for comfort to the foot of the Football League - since that memorable day in 1976. Steve McClaren's Derby County had come a-calling, along with a couple of thousand of their noisier fans, to compete for a place in the quarter finals of the League Cup; under the floodlights, down by the riverbank.
It would, surely, take quite a team to go out and beat the current league leaders; a visiting side who had already racked up a 5-1 home victory over Fulham back in August. Symons intimated his belief that McClaren would also make changes; but this was to be a matter of comparative degree; and it is worth examining the arising details, as a way of understanding just how debased domestic English knockout cup competitions have become. In the previous round, Norwich City had fielded an entirely changed starting XI from their previous league fixture - and paid the price by falling on their collective swords to 'giant-killing' Shrewsbury Town. For this fixture, McClaren had imposed 5 changes on his starting Derby side; although, tellingly, all 5 of those change players had come from his substitutes' bench in that previous game. Meanwhile, Kit Symons made 8 changes to Fulham's starting line-up; although, again tellingly, four of these had NOT featured at all in the squad selected for their previous game. That was an awful lot of inexperience with which to take on the Championship's leading side and a stern test of the depth of Fulham's squad. One name neatly summed up Symons approach to this cup tie: Stephen Arthurworrey. The 20 year-old Londoner was chosen to make a club debut so surprising that his name didn't even feature in the list of available players, as published on the back cover of the programme. Worthy though he may prove to be (and I wish him every success in his Fulham career development) it seemed to be a decision at club level arguably right up there with Sven taking an untried, 16 year-old, Theo Walcott to the 2006 World Cup (TM) finals in Germany; or Fabio's NOT taking him to the 2010 finals in South Africa. Hmmmmmm. I was unimpressed by this portent; and the muted cheer of the home fans at the announcement of his debut spoke volumes, as my brother tried to spell out on the back of his programme "A-R-T-H-U ..." with the help of a home fan sitting the other side of him. I was barely interested enough to try and help - 'nuff said!
Bryan Ruiz, head bowed, avoiding eye contact, leads out a team of comparative strangers to take on the table-topping "Rams" of Derby County, in front of expectant away fans
The comedic tone of the encounter was amplified by the appearance of Gabor Kiraly in his trademark clown's saggy, grey tracky botts (see centre, above) - or 'pajamas', as we also like to call them, in Enfield. That tone was also underlined by the 'Keystone' arrangement of Fulham's defensive duties. Against a team with known strength 'out wide', we set up to play the narrowest (and youngest!) possible shape at the back. So much so that our callow left-back, Kavanagh, frequently found himself admiring from a distance a Curate's Egg display ("good in-parts") of wing-play, from Derby's potent threat, Cyrus Christie. The latter ran at Fulham, at will, for most of the 90 minutes. A big, strong physique; a sharp acceleration; and powerful determination. All these assets will be useful attributes in a successful playing career - if only young Cyrus can learn to cross a ball to where his team-mates are actually lurking with intent. Further humour was introduced, as if any more were needed, by a linesman huffing and puffing 5 yards behind the play and failing to see an obvious offside in an early Derby attack which, fortunately for all concerned, came to naught. It may have reminded the Fulham faithful that the Premier League quality of officiating against which they had railed so hard and so very recently (i.e. last season) was fast becoming a fading, distant memory - and was only now appreciated for what it truly had been: a thing of comparative, ethereal beauty. Be careful what you wish for!
Given Symons bold determination to field and blood a young and inexperienced side, and to test the leadership qualities of his cub scout troop Arkela, Bryan Ruiz, it was impressive enough that Fulham were at first able to keep the (admittedly rather wayward) Rams' attack at bay. Amazingly, things got better still with Fulham's opening goal after 26 minutes - broadly against the run of play. Without looking up to check for the all-clear, Derby's Craig Forsyth played a foolhardy back-pass towards his stand-in 'keeper Kelle Roos. This allowed the ever-alert and partially concealed lone striker, eighteen year-old Moussa Dembélé (no, not THAT Moussa Dembélé!) to collect it, go round the stranded 'keeper with a deft flick of the outside of his right boot and score with a simple side-footed finish from 9 yards out, into an empty net. The previously noisy away end was suddenly stunned into a brief silence; and more than a little 'sheepishness'. Derby maintained their dominance and pressure, though, despite this setback. Soon afterwards, in the space of 3 minutes, Johnny Russell had two good chances to level the score. First he struck a left-footed curling effort just wide, across goal from the right-hand edge of Fulham's area. Then, with 6 minutes of the half remaining, he failed to beat Kiraly from the right hand corner of the 6-yard box, driving the ball into the goalie's chest, as the latter stayed on his feet and 'made himself big'.
These were looking like potentially costly misses for Derby, as soon as the 44th minute, when Omar Mascarell dallied in the centre on a short-ball received, unwelcomed, from Roos. His hesitancy at the back allowed a pack of hungry Fulham 'cubs' to descend on him rapidly from 3 different directions. Ruiz got the all-important toe on the ball which put Dembélé (no, not THAT Dembélé!) in the clear, to slide a right-footed finish between Roos and his near post from just right of centre. The BBC's highlights commentator had called Dembélé's first goal "the easiest he's ever likely to score". The youngster's second goal cast some doubt on that claim. The somewhat surprising scoreline read: Moussa Dembélé 2 - Derby County 0. The doubly-stunned Rams may now been awaiting the final blow from a penetrating captive bolt.
Dembélé awaits the re-start, after single-handedly going 2-0 up against Derby
These were looking like potentially costly misses for Derby, as soon as the 44th minute, when Omar Mascarell dallied in the centre on a short-ball received, unwelcomed, from Roos. His hesitancy at the back allowed a pack of hungry Fulham 'cubs' to descend on him rapidly from 3 different directions. Ruiz got the all-important toe on the ball which put Dembélé (no, not THAT Dembélé!) in the clear, to slide a right-footed finish between Roos and his near post from just right of centre. The BBC's highlights commentator had called Dembélé's first goal "the easiest he's ever likely to score". The youngster's second goal cast some doubt on that claim. The somewhat surprising scoreline read: Moussa Dembélé 2 - Derby County 0. The doubly-stunned Rams may now been awaiting the final blow from a penetrating captive bolt.
Dembélé awaits the re-start, after single-handedly going 2-0 up against Derby
It was a threatened blow that just never came, though. Ultimately, there was barely even time. It wouldn't, after all, be a truly Fulham-ish performance if somebody didn't try to f*ck everything up completely, would it? This week it was the turn of Tim Hoogland to do the honours. Eagle-eyed stats lovers may have noticed that, before this game, the central defender had played in more Fulham defeats than in wins and draws combined. There was, perhaps, a small clue in that pattern; but nothing could have prepared the casual observer for what was to follow. With just 3 seconds of first-half added time left to play, Tiny Tim decided to try slam-dunking the ball over his own cross bar. He failed; but did manage to set up a clear, obvious and mystifying penalty for Derby, which was despatched high into the net, by a grateful Chris Martin, with the final kick of the half. It was a successful strike which would entirely alter the momentum of the match - and the balance of the second half's play. Several 'fans' sitting near me had previously set off early for the bar; and consequently had missed two-thirds of the first-half's goal tally: Fulham 2 - Derby County 1.
Kiraly gets ready for bed, while Chris Martin prepares to tuck away an early German Christmas present, donated charitably by the hapless Hoogland
Symons later claimed that Fulham were "probably the better team in the first half". He was probably wrong; or drunk; or perhaps he'd just been re-watching highlights of Friday's league victory over Charlton and got his games confused. Either way, it didn't matter. Derby were given the appropriate managerial 'encouragement' at half-time, emerged early for some additional warm-up routines, and looked the readier of the two sides at the start of the second half. Within 2 minutes, their preparations had paid off and they were level, as Russell ran onto a loose ball that Arthurworrey ought to have dealt with easily near his own goal-line, finishing with power through a crowd of players from 8 yards. It should have been interesting to see how Fulham's youngsters coped and grew in confidence despite the renewed pressure from Derby. It SHOULD have been; but it wasn't. Instead, it was just painful to watch. Within a further 18 minutes, Derby had wrapped the game up with 3 more goals that were far too easily conceded by a ragged and poorly-structured Fulham defence. FIVE goals without answer in just 20 minutes of play had turned the tie back the right way up, after it had briefly spent some time on its head. Truly a case of 'boys against men'. The details are more or less irrelevant; although credit should go to Dawkins for his 11-minute brace of note and no little finesse. His two-goal spree split only by Hendricks's powerful short-range finish, when left with too much space inside the 6-yard box. There was little remaining threat from Fulham. With the game all but lost already, Symons made some largely ineffective substitutions; at least sparing a couple of his younger players some of the ongoing pain of this drubbing. Home fans had already started streaming for the exit gates, while the away supporters stress-tested the integrity of the Putney End structure with a two-thousand-man bounce which lasted nearly half an hour. "Is - There - A - Fi - Yer - Drilllll?" they sang, with glee, at the backs of the departing home fans (to the familiar air of Verdi's "La Donna è Mobile" - they're cultured fans, those Derby-ites). McCormack's introduction did bring renewed energy to Fulham's forward line, demonstrating that an earlier introduction of a 2-man attack might have produced a different outcome. He was held back blatantly via a fistful of the back of his shirt, on 79 minutes, when clear through into the box; but the (same) ineffectual linesman pretended to have seen no infringement (again!) - instead, merely continuing his erratic but entertaining sideways polka, up and down the touch-line; an uninterested spectator.
Ruiz (white #10) sends in another hopeful cross for the outgunned McCormack, late in the game; while the "unobstructed view" from the (Grade II* listed) Johnny Haynes stand gets a stress test of its very own by the Trade Descriptions Act
Ruiz (white #10) sends in another hopeful cross for the outgunned McCormack, late in the game; while the "unobstructed view" from the (Grade II* listed) Johnny Haynes stand gets a stress test of its very own by the Trade Descriptions Act
A lot of fans' criticism has since been levelled at Kirally for his supposedly poor positioning and lack of dominance in his own box; but these are churlish grumbles. He had kept a clean sheet against all the odds in the first half, despite the best efforts of his narrow, inexperienced and crumbling defence to undermine him; and he was powerless to halt the irresistible force of Derby's insistent attack in the second half. Derby's first was the result of a hare-brained handball; their second, a criminal mis-kick by Arthurworrey. The third came, un-sighted and from distance, after Hoogland's (yes, him again!) failure to track Dawkins' run closely enough into the edge of the penalty area. The fourth saw an unmarked Hendricks get an unchallenged, free touch inside the 6-yard box, before crashing one in for fun. The fifth came from a poor, mistimed, lazy clearance by Kavanagh, wide on Fulham's left, followed by a clever Russell cross and subsequent sublime, Dawkins back-heeled flick. None of them were directly Kirally's fault. His only blame appeared to lie in having previously played in goal under Felix Magath in consecutive away defeats, against Reading and Forest - conceding eight goals in the process. His reputation is already firmly forged in some minds, despite any annoying facts which might apply to these results and get awkwardly in the way of a lazy interpretation; and that MUST be his fault. No? The evening's match statistics told an irrefutable tale of Derby dominance that no goal keeper could single-handedly withstand forever: more possession; more shots; more shots on target, more corners; more class!
After the game, James Riach of The Guardian opined “If Shahid Khan and Fulham’s powers that be are after entertainment, then Kit Symons may have the managerial job sewn up.” It was the fallacious view of a neutral. A big score-line, as most true football fans know only too well, does not automatically demonstrate or dictate a high level of entertainment value; as the sight of the departing black and white hordes testified all too clearly. Symons tactical nous was shown to be suspect; and his strategic naiveté in 'focussing on the league' was all too apparent. But those 'powers that be' had already previously seen enough; and Symons's confirmation as the club's new 'permanent' manager was not long in coming, following this defeat. Presumably he had already known that he had the position sewn up. Otherwise, why would he have been claiming a focus on 'the long game' in sending out a second - maybe even a third(?) - string side?
Later, Steve McClaren observed that "football has a habit of chopping you off at the knees”; and "The Wally with a Brolly" is, surely, a man who knows whereof he speaks. To prove to me his words were sound, Derby found that their winning efforts had earned them MY dream quarter-final berth: a home tie against Chelsea, just before Christmas. Alas, 'Santa' Hoogland will not be in the mix for that one, though.
Elsewhere, Margate FC were, simultaneously, discovering the truth of Uncle Steve's footballing wisdom; as they succumbed against my local, non-league, 'second' side, Enfield Town, to a perhaps(?) slightly unexpected 3-1 away margin of defeat. Outgunned and out-smurfed, the table-topping Kent side had to endure their fate without my knowing, gloating approval; since my normal, Hermione Granger-like sporting omni-presence and ubiquity had let me down at the vital last moment of this unwanted fixture clash.
Oh, and the truth about my delayed write-up might, after all, if truth indeed be told, also have a little something to do with my feeling 'gutted' and let down by the newly confirmed club manager's match prioritisation strategy. I had so wanted that cup run to last; and, against a weakened Derby selection, in a round where Bournemouth saw off West Brom and Newcastle saw off Man City AWAY, it might have been achievable ... if only "we" had wanted it enough. I will have been proved wrong and foolish, of course, should Fulham defy the odds and secure promotion back to the top flight at the end of this Championship year, despite our shambolic start to the season. I'll happily live with that shame, if it should come to pass. We small club fans live in hope, as ever, it seems.
As the roar of the (away) crowd faded; as attendants swept up the discarded tickets, betting slips, match programmes and other post-game debris; as the floodlights finally went out on the busy ground- staff, repairing the offended pitch; as the sickly smell of hot dogs and dodgy pies partially receded; and as I grudgingly, trudgingly set off for Hammersmith tube station and the reluctant journey home; it was then that some well-worn lines, written long ago by an old friend of mine, came back to haunt my disappointingly-expired Cup dreams:
Our revels now are ended. These our actors,
As I foretold you, were all spirits, and
Are melted into air, into thin air:
And like the baseless fabric of this vision,
The cloud-capp'd tow'rs ... shall dissolve,
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on; and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.
It was, after all, just another bad (League Cup) dream; and soon melted into thin air! Perhaps Kit had been right all along?
Later, Steve McClaren observed that "football has a habit of chopping you off at the knees”; and "The Wally with a Brolly" is, surely, a man who knows whereof he speaks. To prove to me his words were sound, Derby found that their winning efforts had earned them MY dream quarter-final berth: a home tie against Chelsea, just before Christmas. Alas, 'Santa' Hoogland will not be in the mix for that one, though.
Elsewhere, Margate FC were, simultaneously, discovering the truth of Uncle Steve's footballing wisdom; as they succumbed against my local, non-league, 'second' side, Enfield Town, to a perhaps(?) slightly unexpected 3-1 away margin of defeat. Outgunned and out-smurfed, the table-topping Kent side had to endure their fate without my knowing, gloating approval; since my normal, Hermione Granger-like sporting omni-presence and ubiquity had let me down at the vital last moment of this unwanted fixture clash.
Oh, and the truth about my delayed write-up might, after all, if truth indeed be told, also have a little something to do with my feeling 'gutted' and let down by the newly confirmed club manager's match prioritisation strategy. I had so wanted that cup run to last; and, against a weakened Derby selection, in a round where Bournemouth saw off West Brom and Newcastle saw off Man City AWAY, it might have been achievable ... if only "we" had wanted it enough. I will have been proved wrong and foolish, of course, should Fulham defy the odds and secure promotion back to the top flight at the end of this Championship year, despite our shambolic start to the season. I'll happily live with that shame, if it should come to pass. We small club fans live in hope, as ever, it seems.
As the roar of the (away) crowd faded; as attendants swept up the discarded tickets, betting slips, match programmes and other post-game debris; as the floodlights finally went out on the busy ground- staff, repairing the offended pitch; as the sickly smell of hot dogs and dodgy pies partially receded; and as I grudgingly, trudgingly set off for Hammersmith tube station and the reluctant journey home; it was then that some well-worn lines, written long ago by an old friend of mine, came back to haunt my disappointingly-expired Cup dreams:
Our revels now are ended. These our actors,
As I foretold you, were all spirits, and
Are melted into air, into thin air:
And like the baseless fabric of this vision,
The cloud-capp'd tow'rs ... shall dissolve,
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on; and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.
It was, after all, just another bad (League Cup) dream; and soon melted into thin air! Perhaps Kit had been right all along?
LINEUP, BOOKINGS (2) & SUBSTITUTIONS (6) - courtesy of BBC Sport
Fulham
- 01 Kiraly
- 02 Hoogland
- 04 Hutchinson
- 13 Zverotic
- 32 Kavanagh
- 28 Hyndman
- 14 Roberts (McCormack - 72' )
- 27 Williams (David - 72' )
- 31 Arthurworrey
- 10 Ruiz (Eisfeld - 86' )
- 25 Dembele
Substitutes
- 03 Stafylidis
- 07 Eisfeld
- 08 Parker
- 30 David
- 33 Burn
- 40 Bettinelli
- 44 McCormack
Derby County
- 21 Roos
- 02 Christie
- 06 Keogh
- 05 Buxton Booked
- 03 Forsyth
- 33 Mascarell Booked (Coutts - 69' )
- 08 Hendrick
- 04 Bryson (Hughes - 77' )
- 11 Russell
- 09 Martin
- 07 Dawkins (Ibe - 75' )
Substitutes
- 12 Naylor
- 16 Coutts
- 19 Hughes
- 27 Calero
- 29 Thomas
- 35 Mitchell
- 44 Ibe
Ref: Graham Scott
Att: 15,156
