Monday, 15 September 2014

The Magic of the Cup, Part II - a gulf in class ... or a lower league club 'banana skin'? Which was it to be?

FA Cup 1st Qualifying Round - Saturday 13th September 2014
Enfield Town F.C. versus Felixstowe & Walton United F. C.

On a day that is a mathematical palindrome of sorts (or something!? - 14/9/14) I sit down to write a match report on a game that offered a resolution to some other gripping number problems. A knock-out football tournament, after all, is living proof that two-into-one just won't go - as the Ancient Babylonians, Egyptians and Greeks all knew only too well. This particular football-maths event, at least, was also a test of how much difference there is in 9-minus-7 - the respective tiers these two competing teams occupy in English football's league pyramid system.

Firstly, it is advisable to read my all-important pre-match prologue ("The Magic of the Cup? - Part I", see the previous entry, at the end of this post, below) before launching into this post-match report and all its associated philosophical musings; but it's a free world (at least in parts, still) so please yourself! The BBC (bless 'em!) were listing this fixture on their Sport webpage as taking place at The Goldsdown Road, a 'stadium' whose rusting doors Enfield Town Football Club have not darkened in nearly 3 years, now. So just forget those BBC amateurs. At last you've found proper coverage of non-league football. Welcome home! You've clearly come to the RIGHT place. A short note on camera memory might be helpful, here. Eagle-eyed regular readers of this page may notice a reduced image quality from my normal "very high standard", in some of today's photos. This is due to highly technical memory capacity issues. Mine, that is; NOT the camera's. The latter stayed at home for a welcome and well-earned, if unexpected, break from football action. Doh! While my 'phone had to fill the void. Badly.

Having worried myself with some un-nerving pre-match research into today's visitors ("The Seasiders" of Felixstowe & Walton United Football Club, from two steps down the English football pyramid) and their recent form (fairly impressive, especially on the road, especially in North London and especially against supposedly superior opposition) I approached today's game with some trepidation. After Town's own recent erratic form (W2; L2) I decided that a change of route to the ground might bring a (positive) change of fortune. Football fans can be a superstitious bunch; willing to try almost anything to secure success for their team. So I took a previously unused series of alleyways and crossed the New River a little South of my normal bridging point. Yes, you may well laugh at the planning that goes into these sorts of preparations; but it is upon such fine, footballing details that success is often gained and/or lost, "at this level".

In their previous outing on Non-League Day, billed on the club website as "Saturday 5th  September" (sic - it was, of course, the 6th) The Seasiders had crushed another East Coast seaside town's home team - Norfolk's very own Gorleston F.C. - 2-0. Despite a more than fair run of recent form, F&WUFC were evidently watched (at least some of the time) by the proverbial "three 'men' and a dog" ... scowling; and captured standing beside what was perhaps a descriptive or subliminal message hoarding - according to an image from their website match report.

As I turned right, after heading north-bound - rather than taking my normal left turn, after heading south-bound - off Ladysmith Road, I sauntered in dappled, mellow, Autumnal sunshine, down the leafy cut-through which leads past Enfield Ignatians RFC to the car park and turnstiles of the QEII Stadium; the home of North London football. At first I sensed - and later I could hear, from the animated crowd noises and the sharp blasts of a whistle, that I was going to miss the kick-off. Either I was late arriving at the ground (and I don't for a moment rule out this possibility) because of my hopeful, fortune-seeking, new route to the stadium, or the game was starting early. Either way, I missed the warm-ups and the first couple of minutes of action - and the chance to buy a match programme. It seems as though, for the visit of smaller clubs, ETFC officials reduce the size of the print run ordered. Certainly I've experienced this situation on a number of previous occasions; although, to be fair, that seems like common practice both home and away. While that may be a sensible move financially, it leaves some fans unable to read the platitudes of the club chairman and manager; pining for the small ads of local businesses and the player profiles of the visiting team in hard copy format, which they've probably already reviewed on-line, before the game. Fortunately, I didn't miss any goals, however. Apparently just a first-minute effort from Corey Whitely, which was blocked.

... I did, however, miss this impromptu, pre-match 'Hokey-Cokey'. Officials on the Enfield bench collectively and spontaneously turned their backs (some also folded their arms) so unbearably embarrassing a spectacle was it to watch.
IMG_4686nivo

At first it was difficult to see much away support at the visitors' end - and not just because of the dazzling, low sun in the late-summer sky. I could make out just nine lonely figures in and around the "SH Property" stand - and there was no sign of that dog. This might have been a signal that The Seasiders don't really have much of a travelling 'firm'; orperhaps it might just have been that those normally hardy and faithful souls had decided the result of this fixture was already a foregone conclusion - and not worth the hassle of the long return trek down the A12 from Suffolk and back. Certainly with three key, regular players missing ('keeper Jamie Stannard, midfielder Sheridan Driver and forward Bradley Barber) the welcome return of Stuart Ainsley and player-coach Danny Bloomfield to their roster may not have looked like sufficient reinforcement with which to take on higher-ranked opponents. The Cup, however, has been known to turn up surprising results.

"Is - that all - you - take - away?"

In fact, amid a smaller-than-normal crowd of 289, it turned out that things were a little cosier than usual over in the home end, since a small group of visiting fans had decided to pitch camp and hoist their flags in the 'wrong' end. This took the visible away support numbers up to about 15; and at least these folks wouldn't have to change ends for the 2nd half - when, perhaps, they expected their side to do most of their scoring. There was certainly little suggestion that anything had 'kicked-off' - apart from the game itself. So perhaps we truly are "All friends, in this Beautiful Game", after all, as the visiting side's club motto would have us believe. One previously unremarked aspect of following football 'at this level', is that the degree of excitement on offer allows school students (charged just £1 at the gate) a great opportunity either to play football behind the stand, or to catch up on their reading homework - see bottom-centre of photo, below.

Lost in Transalation? A small bevvy of unfamiliar red and white shirts, discovered in the Town end. Were they really checking their 'phones for GPS directions to the 'correct' away end?

In a hectic opening phase, for the first 15 minutes the action was almost all around the visitors' goal. Amongst several well-worked, attacking Enfield moves, defensive midfielder #6 Stanley Muguo roamed forward and, in his normal, deceptively languid manner, drove a spanking effort against the crossbar, with the diminutive visiting replacement goal keeper, Adam Dawson, rooted to the spot. Town's industrious #10, Corey Whitley, was seeking and finding a lot of the ball in these early stages; but unfortunately, several times, he got himself into a tangle, tripping over his own feet,  or over the ball, after finding promising-looking space. Ryan Doyle then also fired an effort against the Seasiders' bar, after a Campbell free kick. The Felixstowe club were decidedly under the cosh; and my hopeful flutter on the golden goal (a randomly-selected 40th minute) was looking unlikely to pay dividends. Surely goals would come flooding in, long before that stage of the game. One wag in the home end, offered some friendly support to the away team's guardian: "It's gonna be a long afternoon, keeper; you've got through the first 10 minutes, though". So small and young did the Seasiders' goalie appear to some home fans, that a traditional refrain was wittily adapted at one of his early goal-kicks. As he ran up and skied the ball: "ooooooooOOOOOOHHHHH - you're twelve, aaaarrrrggghh!". Shortly afterwards, as Dawson gathered one threatening through-ball cleanly, a home fan begrudgingly acknowledge that his effort had been "Not bad, for a little 'un!". A funny enough observation under most circumstances, in a non-league football context; but funnier still, when uttered at loud volume, in a high-pitched voice, by an 8-year old.

One 8-year old (centre, at railing) congratulates another (in yellow jersey, right).



The visitors' website post-match report later bemoaned the portents for their big day in the (comparative) spotlight: "Sometimes you get the feeling it’s not going to be your day and in the 9th minute ... Nathan McDonald [Enfield's GK] had to stretch at the far post as the ball dipped to turn it over for a corner. With defenders taking up their defensive positions at the posts the referee pointed for a goal kick, much to the surprise of both sets of players". To be candid, this was about as much as the away fans had to get excited about, in the early exchanges; and it was also a reflection of the typical standard of officiating 'at this level'. It was very good of the referee, Wayne Cartmel of Cumbria, to have come so far to help out; but, as usual, it hardly seemed to have been worth his while, given all of the effort required and his apparently failing eye-sight. And as for his "assistants"? Don't get me started! One of these, in particular, seemed over-awed by his responsibilities on this big occasion; clearly lacking confidence in his own capabilities, delaying raising his flag until he knew which way the ref had already passed judgment - and, when forced to adjudicate for himself, getting even the simplest of throw-in decisions consistently wrong, from the earliest moments of the game. Needless to say, nobody in the home crowd was in the least surprised, or amused, at this state of affairs. Normal service had simply been resumed. Their ridicule probably didn't help, though, either: "You don't - know what - you're do - ing!"

After 16 minutes, Enfield's #8, Nathan Livings, collected a ball 40 yards out, after some untidy midfield play from the visitors had lost them possession once again. With passing options to both his left and his right, Livings chose to go it alone, drilling a low shot across Dawson, from just right of centre, about 16 yards out. If he got his strike wrong, he would face the wrath of both those team-mates. Fortunately for all concerned on the home side, he comfortably found the inside of the net to the left of the goal. Town's players celebrated fairly reservedly, in front of chanting home fans; but it was clear they were relieved to have at last made their early pressure count. Were the home fans counting un-hatched chickens, as they joyfully sang "We're the famous Enfield Towners and we're going to Wem-ble-y; Wem-ber-leee! - Wem-ber-leee!"?

After 20 minutes, Town's keeper McDonald had to get down quickly to cut out a threatening ball across his area from Hewitt, with the visitors' captain, #10 Cranfield, lurking dangerously at the far post. After 24 minutes, their player-coach was guilty of a bad, late foul on Town goal-scorer Livings, in the centre about 25 yards out. A free kick was given; but it was the guilty party, Bloomfield, who came out of it worst off, appearing to get his studs caught in the playing surface (or Livings's flesh? - it was difficult to tell). Bloomfield stayed down for several minutes, receiving treatment and was to play no further part in the game, immediately limping off to be replaced by the surprisingly youthful-looking 18-year-old, #15 Ryan Birchfield. While play was halted, the Seasiders' #3, the experienced Stuart Ainsley, received bad news from one member of the home crowd, as he strolled deep into the goal net to retrieve a drink bottle and gulp down some fluids: "You're in trouble, Stuart; we know your name now". Somebody had obviously arrived early enough to get a programme and check off the team sheet on the wall by the club shop. Ainsley looked up and gave a resigned smile; appearing to implicitly acknowledge that his side was now facing a daunting uphill struggle. Luckily for Stuart and his team-mates, at the re-start, Liam Hope curled his effort just to the right of the right-hand post from the resultant free kick.

In the 28th minute, Whitely's trickery saw him ghost past several defenders, cutting both ways and into the area, where he was unceremoniously tripped by somebody else's feet, rather than his own, for once. The well-placed Mr. Cartmel of Cumbria clearly saw the incident - and gave neither the obvious penalty, nor the yellow card for "simulation" which should have been its obverse. Referee's, eh!? Cue howls of derision and, once again, the unkind (if largely true) "You don't - know what - you're do - ing!"

Despite the referee's best efforts, Enfield had total control, most of the possession and plenty of time on the ball, against clearly inferior opposition. All that was required was a second goal to, surely, kill the game off. A number of chances duly came Enfield's way. And went Felixstowe's! Muguo, Livings and Whitely were all guilty of wasting decent opportunities to extend that narrow Town lead. On 45 minutes the callow away sub, Birchfield, caught Enfield's LB, #2 Jordan Lockie, in mid-air with a late studs-first challenge. Though probably not malicious (a charitable opinion might allow that the challenge resulted from the youngster not yet being fully up to speed with the pace of the game) it was the clearest of yellow card offences, at the very least. Possibly more? It received just a stern talking-to for both the lad and his captain from the referee. Fulham FC's latest débutant, Matt Smith, was dismissed for less (and, arguably, with more provocation) at the Madejski stadium, on the same day; but I'm not bitter. Oh no!

With half-time looming - and deep into time added - a 49th-minute Enfield corner (their 7th of the half) was floated in from the right with precision by #7 Tyler Campbell's sweet left foot. Skipper Mark Kirby had plenty of time and space to judge his run to perfection, to soar, float and deliver an unchallenged, towering header downwards and into the visitors' goal, between the keeper and a defender standing on the goal line, near the right-hand post. Finally some breathing space: 2-0; and the cue for some strutting, chest-thrusting, fist-pumping celebrations from The Towners' inspirational #5, CB and lead-by-example captain. The 1st half ended with the visitors in need of some reorganisation and refocussing - not unlike the camera on my 'phone.

The 2nd half started more evenly balanced. Five minutes in and Town's McDonald had to come early and get down fast to collect a through ball at an opponent's feet, just inside the edge of his box. The visitors had clearly not yet given up all hope of reducing that 2-goal deficit; but the taking of chances is key to success. At the other end, Whitely (whose recent form has, reportedly, been attracting the attention of both Stevenage and Reading - regular readers of this blog page will, no doubt, NOT be surprised to hear this rumour, given Whitely's influence on and importance to the Enfield side - energetically chased a through ball into the right of the Seasiders' penalty area. Shoved by the chasing #7, Ryan Clark, as he reached the ball, Whitely showed solidity and strength to stay standing up, only to be fouled again by the same player, as he turned and prepared to strike an effort on goal. The away club's match report said the resulting "yellow card for Clark seemed harsh as he appeared to make a genuine attempt for the ball". It doesn't mention the previous contact, nor Clark's histrionic reaction to the referee's awarding of a (clear) penalty, nor the petulant man-handling Mr. Cartmel then endured. "Off! Off! OFF! OFF!". Cartmel's continued leniency signaled Clark's good luck; but there was none for Dawson, as Liam Hope fired home the spot kick, high to his left, beyond the keeper's despairing, flailing dive: 3-0. "Ba-aarrns-lee! It's just like watch-ing Barns-ley!"

Enfield continued to dominate play. There was little reaction from Felixstowe as they watched their (slim?) chances of FA Cup progression seep away. Town should have added a 4th after 58 minutes, when Whitely and Hope were frustrated first by Dawson's rapid reactions in racing off his line and then by #5 Rhys Barber, who kept calm and carried on as a looping effort gave him time to cover his keeper's hasty advance out of his area. Enfield's manager, Brad Quinton, clearly felt the lead and superiority were comfortable enough to ring the changes. He gave some valuable first team pitch experience to débutant Theo Jones, after 67 minutes, in a straight swap for solid RB Jordan Lockie. By now, Enfield could (should?) have already been several more goals clear of their tiring opponents. After 71 minutes, Jamie Smith came on for the relatively quiet Michael Kalu, adding a more muscular presence up front. Mitch Hahn also replaced the lively Nathan Livings after 75 minutes when, presumably, all risk was considered spent from the game,

Liam Hope's persistence saw him latch onto a through ball after 74 minutes, in the central channel. His clumsy control was only marginally better than Clark's clumsy challenge from behind and to his right.. Hope went to ground to earn what was, to be fair, a soft second penalty award. Up went the shout from the home supporters again; more in jest than in earnest this time: "Off! Off! OFF! OFF!". Referee Cartmel duly obliged, flourishing a second yellow card, to be swiftly followed by a red one; and signalling 'an early bath' for the visitors' naïve #7. The slightly stunned crowd went silent in surprise and relief, after an initial, derisory cheer. Hope despatched the spot kick again, although this time to his right, with Dawson getting finger tips to the ball. Enfield now had a 4-0 lead; against tiring 10-man opposition; from 2 leagues below. The result finally looked fairly secure. It was even more so, when Hope added his third to make it 5-0, sending a fine strike through a crowd of players, after receiving an inside pass centrally, from the promising-looking sub LB, Jones. That hat-trick goal for Hope apparently puts him just one goal behind 'club legend' Rudi Hall (who retired as recently as the end of the promotion-winning 2011-'12 season) at the top of the club's all-time leading goalscorer list. A list he will, surely, soon enough bestride, like a mighty, mercurial colossus. The five-goal margin of the match was not unduly flattering to the home side.

Oops! Clark (in red, #7) gives the referee yet another (incorrect?) decision to make; and also gives Hope (white, #9) another chance of edging further towards coveted club top-scorer status.


So that tricky FA Cup banana skin had been avoided with aplomb. The gulf in class duly demonstrated. The Seasiders' match report acknowledged they had "never really matched their higher league hosts for skill" (not an attribute Enfield's players are too frequently accused of) before going on to state the obvious: that "Wembley was never a likelihood in this competition", No sh*t, Sherlock! Although we can all dream, I suppose. The Suffolk club's honest endeavour was never going to be anything like enough, on its own; and even that effort waned, as time wore on and the junior club's players tired. Before the game, our manager had told local reporters “It would be fantastic for the boys if we could have a good run. I’ve played in sides who’ve made it through to the first round and have come up against Tranmere Rovers and Shrewsbury Town. It’s just a massive buzz taking to the field in games like that, and I would love for the boys to get that sort of experience.” Towners fans will now be hoping that a lucrative cup run might, indeed, see them edge towards the glittering allure of mighty Football League opponents. That would help to finance a much-needed squad building exercise. How might such opposition fare at the daunting Donkey-Drome? Perhaps the giants of Carlise, Exeter, Oxford or Accrington may come a-calling soon, so that we can find out? Then again, perhaps not.

A helpful note to Margate fans: spot the difference.
   
One consolation for North London's finest was the news that Tuesday evening's scheduled league opponents ('high-flying' Margate FC) had failed to dispatch lowly, local Kent rivals, Folkestone Invicta, in their FA Cup tie on the same day. That high-profile failure requires a Tuesday night replay of their match; postponing our planned mid-week league clash and increasing the Kent side's early-season fixture congestion issues, at least a little. It also puts off our league meeting until, perhaps, Margate's early-season form has faded a little - and also until, perhaps, Brad Quinton has secured some much-needed reinforcements for his squad. We live in Hope - as ever. Come on, you Towners!

More non-league news to follow soon, sports fans.

Towners: Nathan McDonald, Jordan Lockie (Theo Jones 67), Joe Stevens, Ryan Doyle, Mark Kirby, Stan Muguo, Tyler Campbell, Nathan Livings (Mitch Hahn 75), Liam Hope, Corey Whitley, Michael Kalu (Jamie Smith 71)
Unused: Luke Illsley, Phil Kane, Brad Quinton

Seasiders: Adam Dawson, Lewis Pemberton, Stuart Ainsley, Josh Hewitt, Rhys Barber, Dan Davis, Ryan Clark, Matt McKenzie, Danny Bloomfield (Ryan Birchfield 26 – Jamie Cole 75), Ben Cranfield, Tom Dew.
Unused Matt West, James Ross, Paul Cudworth.

Referee: Wayne Cartmel – Cumbria.
Assistants (an over-statement, in their case): Thomas Harkin, Matt Borg.

Attendance: 286

Saturday, 13 September 2014

The Magic of the Cup? Part I

Ah yes! The smell of the hot dogs, burgers and fried onions; the odour of sweat, greasepaint and liniment oil; the faint whiff of a distant commercial sell-out to an international brewer of poor beer; ten whole English pounds paid on the gate and a flutter on the 50-50 draw? All of these things must signal the arrival of the first qualifying round of The FA Cup ("with Budweiser"). With such heady excitement in the air, your correspondent has taken the unusual step of publishing a pre-match warm-up piece, for your delight and delectation. How else could you fully enjoy and savour the flavours of the "oldest and best" (according to the FA themselves!) domestic Cup competition in the world of club football? Personally, I'll be aiming to spend the day WITHOUT Budweiser.

Today's opponents for Enfield Town F. C. at the Queen Elizabeth II Stadium are "The Seasiders" of Felixstowe & Walton United Football Club. Not only do F&WUFC boast one of the longer club names in the English football leagues but they also possess a club badge bearing the hands of friendship. Their club slogan is "amici in ludo sumus". My very loose translation is "We are all friends, in the Beautiful Game". Today could be a good day to test out that claim.
            


The Seasiders home games, at The Goldstar Ground, have averaged 112, so far this season; making them one of the best supported clubs in the Eastern Counties League Thurlow Nunn Premier Division. For the uninitiated, that is in Level 9 of English football's pyramid; two whole levels below Enfield Town - making Town 'the big club' in today's fixture. The Seasiders' website incorrectly states the gulf of difference as just "one step up the Pyramid". Whether this is out of Suffolk ignorance or indifference - or a as a bit of psychological gamesmanship - is, as yet, unclear. The visitors have already had to play (and win, of course!) twice in preliminary, pre-qualifying games, just to reach this "qualifying round". That they have won both of those previous games on their travels in North London, after journeys down the A12, should sound the proverbial warning alarm bells loudly in the ears of Town's players and fans alike. These seasiders will be combing the 'beaches' of Enfield in search of further Cup glory, with little respect for club reputations or status. The visitors' club was formed by a merger of two clubs based on the Suffolk "Peninsula", as recently as the year 2000; but those merged sides had previous club heritage dating back to 1888.

As a further guide to form, it may help to know that today's visitors currently sit 10th (out of 20 teams) in their league; although to achieve this, they have played 4 of their 5 league games at home. They won only 50% of these; but also gained maximum points in their only away fixture. Although they also experienced the disappointment of leading an away game against Brantham Athletic by two goals to nil before the match was abandoned after 52 minutes. The club's website says: "they stood on the Leisure Centre pitch in darkness for 25 minutes or so until a whistle in the night from referee Jairo Marin called an official halt to the match". There is little risk of a floodlight failure again causing problems, on a sunny, warm, Enfield afternoon. It's worth noting that Felixstowe are, therefore, unbeaten on the road in all competitions this season.

As a guide to Suffolk wit, the following Joke of the Week is taken from the fanzone on the club's website:"I went for a job as a blacksmith the other day. He asked me if I’d ever shoed a horse? I said no; but that I'd once told a donkey to f**k off." To find this old gag humorous (or, indeed, relevant) you'd probably have to be reminded, once again, that the address of The Towners QEII Stadium (aka "The Donkey-Drome") is Donkey Lane. Better informed, you may now laugh! Seriously, though, the visitors' fighting spirit is clear for all to see - and prepare for - in this show of fan bravado.

The two sides have met just once before. In 2003 today's visitors again travelled; but to our former home, which we shared with Brimsdown Rovers at Goldsdown Road. That game was played in the 1st round of The FA Vase. Enfield Town at that time were playing in the (more junior) Essex Senior League. It was a game we won 2-0. The Seasiders seem to have no illusions about the task ahead of them. The following is copied from the club's website, with apologies for the syntax of this lengthy sentence and the lack of a question mark: "Enfield are a club on the up and there is no doubt we face a very difficult task to get anything from the match, but Kevin O’D, with nothing to lose as we are the complete underdogs, will set the side out to test our hosts and if we can produce anything like the kind of form we showed against Gorleston last week, who knows what might happen!"

If you're hoping to make a late change of plans and get along to witness this "David vs. Goliath" clash, use the following SatNav Postcode EN1 3PL. See you there!

The Time Capsule - an historical note: apart from its Landguard Fort, Felixstowe is arguably best known for its proximity in former times to the ground-breaking "pirate" radio station, Radio Caroline, when the station’s vessel was moored off Felixstowe in the 1960's. Landguard Fort is the site of the last opposed seaborne invasion of England, in 1667; and the first land battle involving the Royal Marines. The current fort structure dates from 1744. It overlooks the reaches to the strategically important Harwich Harbour.

Two hundred and seventy years on - Felixstowe in its glory days: The Seasiders will surely bring all their guns to bear on senior opponents Enfield Town F. C. today. Might this include the might of Landguard Fort's mighty arsenal?



Fifty years on - Felixstowe in its glory days: Radio Caroline DJ (and, later, behind-the-scenes producer) Gerry Duncan at the opening of the Caroline Snack & Coffee Bar, run by Dilys Calver, in Beach Station Road, Felixstowe, on U.S. Independence Day: July 4th, 1964. 




Monday, 8 September 2014

Four-Three-Three ... and 4 goals

Those numbers in the title are not, as they might at first appear to be, details of the formation ETFC used this weekend; but represent the four pubs on the way to the Enfield Town’s ground, from my house. Only three of these were open. The result? Just three pre-match beers (hence "4-3-3") and four goals scored ... but by whom?

Come in, number four; your time is up! Three of leafy Enfield's finest?

 




On Saturday, Cal & I walked to the QEII stadium (a first) and took in a mini pub crawl en route to supporting our most local team. We experienced minor irritations along the way (a quiz machine which was broken and kept pretending we’d got the wrong answers; a pool table which stole our pound, although the bar staff did give it back; that fourth (closed) pub, which meant we couldn’t complete our planned mini pub crawl in style – or use their gents' toilet before the last leg of the walk to the ground … something of a ‘schoolboy error’, to be sure). We just hoped these weren’t omens of a bad afternoon to come, at the Donkey-Drome.

Maidstone United started the day as table-toppers, with a points haul more than double Enfield’s, who were languishing in 15th place. After back-to-back wins, home and away, however, The Towners must have felt confident of making a game out of a fixture whose result, on paper at least, looked pretty much a foregone conclusion. Maidstone’s club crest features two golden lions and a white horse (fair enough, you might say) and something else that looks like a badly-drawn grey dinosaur ("WtF?" you might ask). That is plain weird. Just how would these fearsome creatures fare against the might of Enfield’s enfield (see previous blog entry on matters heraldic)? I have a friend who places sports bets exclusively on the basis of the likely outcome of a fight between each club's mascots; and I was concerned that our enfield might simply be outnumbered.

The cast of "Toy Story", perhaps?


One topic of recent father-and-son football conversation had been the apparent concentration of goal-scoring capability amongst the leading teams in the Ryman Premier League. Combined with the consequent concentration of goal-conceding capability amongst the lower teams in the Ryman Premier League. The visitors held a strong advantage in this department; but their roster of goal-scorers must be a broad one, since their top striker Frannie Collin had just 6 goals to his credit, matching Enfield’s own Corey Whiteley. Collin’s name may be familiar to that rare breed – Gillingham fans. Even Grant remembers him; and assures me that he was once touted as The Gills' 'next big thing'. Collin joined the Gills in 2005, scoring on his debut in a 2-0 league cup win before later following Gills' boss Andy Hessenthaler, when he moved to Dover Athletic. At this level, indeed at ANY level, a reliably consistent striker is a major asset. George Borg's ventures into the summer transfer market had convinced him that his best new striking option was, errrm .... to convert his CB and skipper, Mark Kirby, to play up front alongside Liam Hope. Borg has now left the club under a cloud and Kirby is firmly back in the heart of defence - which, I think speaks volumes. Alas, it also leaves Enfield with a front line which has not been strengthened since last season - something which must now be a priority for the club's new manager and the board, if we are to avoid a repeat of the early summer, end-of-season, relegation dog-fight.

What's under there, then? - photo: Tom Scott


The pre-match celebrations of Non-League Football Day included a rather inept unveiling of sponsorship for the covered area at the Eastern end of the ground, to the clear bemusement of some unimpressed Maidstone supporters. SH Property Agents Limited are now the proud(?) sponsors of the stand; a structure which later took a right peppering, during the rather half-hearted half-time ‘cross-bar challenge’ competition celebrations; a contest between inept supporters of the two teams. Organisers must have had to work hard to find a motley crew capable of such footballing incompetence, surpassing even that witnessed during the match. That despite having plenty to choose from amongst a season’s best crowd of 652. "The Stones" had brought more travelling support than most away sides; but still a fairly disappointing number, given that their lowest gate of the season was, by-far-and-away, substantially bigger than anyone else's biggest. I guess their attendances suggest there's not normally much else to do in mid-Kent on a Saturday; but perhaps a return journey through the Dartford Tunnel is not quite so alluring. Despite the unusual sight of not one but TWO coaches parked inside the QEII ground, the visitors deserved the ready admonition of the home fans: “Is – that all – you take away?”

In a first-half that saw few meaningful chances for the home side, The Stones created only a few themselves, despite being the more fluent side. The big difference was that Maidstone seemed capable of converting some of their few chances; whilst Enfield, lacking a target man up front to receive or hold up the many high balls delivered, looked largely toothless. All of which was in keeping with the evidence of the pre-match league table. After dominating early possession, The Towners conceded after only 15 minutes. They failed to deal with The Stones’ busy #7, Matt Bodkin - who, like Collin, is a former Gills player. Bodkin turned inside, on the right-hand edge of the box, and stepped comfortably around several challenges, before pushing the ball out for a cross from right-back and #2, Dean Pooley. His cross took a deflection, looping up to allow Alex Flisher to despatch a towering header into the top left of the goal. It was his third goal in as many games; and perhaps the best-timed, since it took the wind (or, at least, the huff and puff) out of Enfield’s sails. The goal was celebrated briefly by fans at the away end; giving rise to some banter: “1-0 – and you STILL don’t sing; 1-0 …”

Mills (#3) executes another Kentish greeting (the famous unseen 2-armed shove in the back). Whiteley is in mid-air, foolishly attempting to win the ball legally


Until that point, Maidstone had not looked much like a table-topping outfit; but a go-ahead goal makes a big difference. Flischer had another good chance and should have doubled the visitors’ lead, a few minutes later; but, one-on-one with Town's Nathan McDonald, his low shot was gloved wide by the ‘keeper. The Stones relied heavily on a long-throw tactic, which reaped little reward; but kept home fans terrified at every unleashing – like North London blitz victims awaiting the outcome of the latest V1 raid. Meanwhile, the best Towners could manage in response in the first half were a Corey Whitley shot which curled wide of the right hand post, after a good run and delivery from Tyler Campbell down the left hand side; and, later, Liam Hope’s enthusiastic chase onto a poor back-pass, which Lee Worgan in the Maidstone goal reached first – barely! After 22 minutes, the singing duel between the two sides' fans (if it deserved such a term) had become so clearly one-sided that a 4-year old Enfield fan was allowed successfully to lead the home singing. Certainly one for the future, there.

Town pressure again comes to naught, as Kirby is beaten to the ball narrowly.



A few little vignettes illustrate both Maidstone’s ongoing gamesmanship and the match officials’ weak handling of them. In the first, one of the smallest man on the pitch (SMotP) Corey Whitely was badly fouled on the edge of the box, as he probed for an opening with the ball at his feet. Kentish studs collected Enfield ankles, as the unaffected and uninvolved ball continued rolling on its merry way. The referee, surely the youngest on this league’s roster(?), standing just feet away, saw no offence. In the second incident, the SMotP closed down the LMotP, United’s #4, CB and captain Steve Watt, as the latter launched yet another uncultured, skyward clearance, high into the Enfield stratosphere. Though there was no visible contact, Maidstone’s LMotP went down like the proverbial ‘sack of potatoes’; and, for some time, it seemed for all the world that only a mercy-killing could relieve him of his pain from this invisible, mortal blow. He still had time for a wink and a sly wave away of the visitors’ physio, who was about to enter the pitch from the side-line. Of course, treatment by the physio would have required the wily old-timer to leave the field of play. The referee decided this was the perfect time to give out his first ‘stern talking to’; to the SMotP.  That proved to be just the ticket for Watt. Suddenly and inexplicably, he was back on his feet, bounding away from the scene of the alleged crime like a Spring lamb. In the third of our little vignettes, after 40 minutes Mark Kirby made an excellent interception just inside his own half, clearing the danger of a Maidstone attack by beating their #8, Jack Parkinson, to the ball – and, in turn, launching an attack down the left for Enfield. The referee was, again, just feet away and saw no incident; but his linesman, perhaps 5 yards further away thought that HE did - and over-ruled his ref, raising his flag for an infringement after some considerable delay. Play was recalled and this was the cue for Watts to start some ‘argy-bargy’, pushing and shoving the much larger Kirby, in retaliation for what seemed to have been absolutely nothing. Kirby stood his ground docilely, like a shire horse being pestered by a Jack Russell. The result? Another stern talking to; this time for the bewildered Kirby. Watt was lucky not to receive a card; and it could easily have been red. This, of course, entertained the home fans no end: “You don’t – know what – you’re doing!” Half-time arrived, with the score still 0-1 – and it was time to carry on once again with those desultory, on-pitch ‘celebrations’ of Non-League Day.

The referee was normally 'up with play'; but often appeared to be watching Ignatians RFC, on the rec. next door. Here is a rare exception.

In their previous match, Enfield had poached a goal early in the second half; and sure enough, a goal was not long in coming, once again. In the 46th minute, Town’s defence failed to deal with Maidstone’s influential Matt Bodkin. Skipper Mark Kirby was sold a simple dummy, as the visitors’ #7 made a mazy run, ending with a low shot past McDonald, into the net. It was ‘child’s play’ for the diminutive midfielder. You could even say that Bodkin had ‘threaded the eye of an Enfield needle’, despite his normal-sized eyes (“Bodkin”: noun; a thick, blunt needle with a large eye). Just three minutes later, Stones’ #10 Frannie Collin was given far too much space to run into the right hand channel on the edge of the box. He neatly received a well-timed ball in from the right and continued to the line, from where he pulled the ball back into the middle for #6, James Rogers, to side-foot home with aplomb, into the gaping space in the bottom right-hand corner of the net. Score-line: 0-3; perhaps a little flattering to the visitors, since each away goal had been hand-made in Enfield and delivered on a silver platter; but they were giving the blunt home forward line a lesson in how to make the most of limited chances. “3-0 – and you STILL don’t sing; 3-0 - …”

Town, however, seemed unfazed and continued to maintain possession and apply pressure – though their toil was without end result. The visitors, meanwhile, continued with their ‘robust’, physical approach to the game; particularly in defence. The match officials had so far managed the usual display of Ryman Premier League ineptitude and error; but they were about to truly excel themselves in this field. In the space of just 30 seconds they combined to make not one but THREE completely incorrect major decisions; each of which, individually, would have arguably dictated a very different final result.

After 55 minutes, Maidstone’s #2, right back Dean Pooley, launched an aerial, studs-up challenge for the ball just outside the area. He was completely out of control and his challenge was a country mile away from the ball. Had his path taken him into contact with any other player they would, surely, have suffered a significant injury. A huge jeer of indignation went up from the home fans. The referee was, as ever well-placed … but, as ever, at fault for yet another negligent decision. He clearly saw the incident, since he waved play on, when he should have flourished a red card. Shocking! The ball remained in play, with Enfield continuing on the offensive. As it came into the area, it was clearly handled by the Stones’ #5, Sonny Miles. Even the Maidstone website match report later admitted they were “lucky not to concede a penalty” – from which Hope would likely have reduced the deficit to 1-3, against a team who should have now been down to 10 men; perhaps only 9. Instead, the ball broke to midfield, where United’s Jack Parkinson and Town’s Nathan Livings battled for a 50-50 ball. The referee blew his whistle for another foul which was invisible to the home end; and no-one could have predicted what was to come next… which was a c. 20-man brawl, including one feisty linesmen! The referee’s inexperience and callow decision-making had, almost inevitably, finally led to him completely losing control of the game. As the red mist eventually cleared the pitch, a red card was belatedly flourished. The home fans were enraged as soon as it became clear that it was being shown to their #8, Nathan Livings. Not only had none of us seen a red card offence by Livings, we hadn’t seen an infringement by Enfield at all. The punch up had been instigated, after an innocuous, if robust, 50-50 challenge, by several of the visiting side running long distances to push and shove - and even to throw punches. These included: the goal keeper, Worgan; the captain, Watts and midfielder Bodkin, amongst others. After Livings had been sent mystifyingly from the pitch, Watts was shown just a yellow card, for his part in the ugly proceedings. It was an unjust outcome to an unsightly break-down; and put the lid firmly back on any potential Enfield fight-back. Instead of being 1-3 down against ten (or, possibly, nine) men, they were still 0-3 down; but now with only 10 of their own men left on the pitch. Cal, who was probably the most neutral spectator in the stand, turned to me and said: "He's just got all three of those decisions completely wrong; and ruined the game. There's not much point in staying to watch the rest". Although we did.

Town’s player-manager, Brad Quinton, rang the changes urgently, in order to try and keep his side in the game and on the offensive. He brought on target man Jamie Richards for the much smaller Tyler Campbell; and then unleashed arguably his most potent weapon, in exchange for #9 Liam Hope. That weapon turned out to be errrm … himself! The changes were broadly good ones since, despite their one-man advantage and three-goal lead, Maidstone were largely contained for the rest of the game, with Quinton turning play-maker. Richards strove hard but looked a little heavy and off the pace and rarely threatened the visitors' defence meaningfully. Enfield continued to toil for an unlikely break-through; but most of their possession was expended sideways, across the pitch. Their only “reward” was a fourth goal against them. After 78 minutes, almost inevitably, yet another long United throw from Flisher reached the middle of the box, where Watt headed the ball firmly down and into the net, helped considerably by a two-handed shove into the back of his now-absent erstwhile marker. That devilish long-throw tactic had finally reaped its little reward, with an assist. The 0-4 score-line now made this game look on paper like a thrashing for the home side; but it had been far from that. The ten tiring men unsurprisingly started to give more late possession to the 12-man visiting side; but no further goals came. Enfield's enfield HAD been outnumbered, after all. The final whistle was heard by an already-dwindling crowd. "We woz robbed!" - and I don't mean by that dodgy pub quiz machine. The result kept Maidstone at the top of the table; but promotion looks far from an automatic certainty for them, on the basis of this performance - and its fortunate outcome. Enfield, in contrast, fell to 18th place. Just a little more composure and good fortune of their own (and some better, more consistent refereeing, of course) in their league games to come should see them climb away from the danger zone at the foot of the table. A reliable target man or a change of tactics might also help.

Bradley Quinton, Enfield's new player-manager (right, in white) feels the pace - and his age? - as ten men battled on valiantly ... against 12 - photo: Tom Scott


… and then there was the long trudge home - another first; but a less welcome one. No pubs, no beers, the Chinese take-away was closed for its summer break; just a two-handed chorus of moaning about the terrible refereeing, the disappointing result and Enfield's lack of alternative options in the squad.

Of course, The Beautiful Game is an art form, not a science; and, as a result, there are probably as many differing views on this match as there were pairs of eyes in the ground. This one is, no doubt, as biassed as most. Although I was briefly left wondering whether the author of the match report on the Maidstone United website had actually been IN the ground, given the glowing review it gave to the Stones’ physical and often faltering 12-man performance, against ten doughty men from lowly Enfield.

Next up, Town visit fellow-strugglers the Met. Police, on Tuesday night; with the magic of the cup awaiting them in their next home game on Saturday 13th – an FA Cup First Qualifying Round, against “The Seasiders” of Felixstowe & Walton United. Come on you Towners - but don't bring your buckets and spades!

Enfield Town's (long) road to "New" Wembley begins on Saturday. Book your tickets now, while you still can!


Update: I have also been alerted, by Eric Norris, to the midweek fixture which follows that big Cup adventure: MARGATE FC get their big night in the big smoke on Tuesday 16th, k-o @ 7:45pm. Eric says "Bring it on Enfield! ... tuck into some cockles and muscles and jellied eels, while we out-SMURF you again LOL!"
I'll be there to see The Gate, with or without their blue faces and busted blood vessels - just as I was last time for the 1-1 draw, early last season.

Margate FC roll out just a few of their A-list celebrity fans, ahead of the big clash with Enfield Town: Sofia Viagra, Katy Perry, Brooke Shields ... AND Hank Azaria. Will that be enough to maintain their RPL title challenge at the QEII?
   The Smurfs World Premiere - Arrivals The Smurfs World Premiere - Arrivals The Smurfs World Premiere - Arrivals The Smurfs World Premiere - Arrivals

Thursday, 4 September 2014

So, what precisely IS an "enfield"?

You might be surprised by the answer. This, plus several other important questions finally resolved here. Firstly, the question posed in that title, above.
It arose the other day, after I saw a throw-away sentence in the Wiki entry for Enfield Town F. C. My interest had been piqued, not least because Callum & I had recently been discussing the club's badge, in an idle moment, in the Butler's Bar, ahead of Tuesday evening's Premier League home match against Tonbridge Angels F. C. It turns out, incidentally, that "the enfield is a fictitious creature sometimes used in heraldry, having the head of a fox, forelegs like an eagle's talons, the chest of a greyhound, the body of a lion, the hindquarters and tail of a wolf". It happens (not unreasonably) to form the crest and logo of the London Borough of Enfield - and, therefore, is also an appropriate emblem for the town's senior club. There are, however, even more reasons why the enfield is apt for, errrm... Enfield: it being made up of the head of a crafty fox; forelegs that soar high like an eagle's; the chest of the swiftest greyhound, straining at the leash; the body of the bravest lion; the hindquarters and tail of a wolf, that hunts in a voracious pack. You probably get the idea, so I'll just stop that extended metaphor, right there.

Spot the difference part I - an enfield: shout when you see one
 
Other (important?) questions that hung in the air on Tuesday night, ahead of the game, included:

a)  Do Kate Jackson, Farrah Fawcett & Jaclyn Smith still play for the Angels (or Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore & Lucy Liu, if you're a fan of their more recent signings) and is John Bosley still their manager?

b) Why did George Borg leave ETFC, so soon after that recent, disappointing, narrow home defeat to Wingate & Finchley F.C. (see previous blog entry / match report, below this one)

c) What hope is there, exactly, for a club at the wrong end of the Ryman Isthmian Premier League, who are now onto their 3rd manager in less than a year? "To lose one manager, Mr Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose two looks like carelessness", to paraphrase Oscar Wilde's Lady Bracknell,

Answers to each of these questions follow:




a) It is true that Tonbridge Angels may have one of English Football's oddest club names; but it is NOT true that this is due to any connection with "Charlie's Angels" (trade mark) of either the '70's or '00's incarnations. Bearing the imaginative nickname of "The Angels", the Kentish football club were formed in 1947, after taking out a lease on the Angel sports ground, which had formerly been the home of Kent County Cricket Club, and which was named after the nearby Angel Hotel. The football club's inaugural Southern League fixture, against fellow newcomers Hastings United, was played in front of a post-war crowd of around 5,000. They remain a well-supported club, having recorded the second highest crowd of the season to-date, although well behind other Kentish rivals (Enfield's highest, incidentally, puts them 4th in that list) and boasting easily the fourth-highest average gate so far (Enfield = 7th). These figures show that they have significant income, for a team at this level of England's footballing pyramid.

Spot the difference part II - an Angel: shout when you see one
   

b) Recently-departed former-manager, George Borg, is one of football's "colourful" characters. As demonstrated by his alleged involvement in a second public racist incident within a week - and sent to the stands for the second half of Monday’s match - Mr. Borg felt that the Enfield club board were not sufficiently supportive of him and so, it seems, he chose to end his tenure. Borg's own account of things might be illuminating: “There were abusive chants coming from the Wingate fans towards me and my mother ... and I said something quietly to someone next to me in the dugout. The linesman heard what I said and claimed that it was an anti-Semitic remark [Wingate and Finchley are a club with strong Jewish links] and I was sent to the stands for the second half". Regular readers of this page may recall that, in referring to Enfield’s previous match, Borg had claimed: “I’ve never been called a white c*** in my life; but I was by one of the [Canvey Island] players". Perhaps his tenure at Donkey Lane had simply made him as paranoid as the rest of us. Or maybe "they" really were out to get him. In a week of managerial departures [Paul Norris also quit as manager of Enfield (1893) - the more lowly of the two Enfield clubs - after just three competitive matches in charge and in the wake of a humiliating 10-1 home defeat to Haringey Borough, in the Essex Senior League] Borg's was much the more surprising, since it was apparently not based on team performances. Although he did leave the side languishing in 19th place in the Premier League table, barely better than the position on his arrival, 9 months ago.

Spot the difference part III: George Borg, Fagin & Brad Quinton
Bradley Quinton

c) As for this final question, after a spirited 0-3 win away at high-flying Hendon in his first game in charge, the new permanent (sic?) manager, Brad Quinton, seemed up for suggesting that there is every hope of a potential revival in Enfield Town's fortunes, this season. How he fared in his second match might answer a few further questions on the lips of the Donkey-Drome faithful.

As mentioned, Enfield (starting in 17th place) were up against one of the better-supported sides in the league. So it was no surprise that the visitors had brought with them a slightly larger following than is the norm - even for a Tuesday night fixture with a lengthy home journey. The result was a healthy crowd of 390; the second-highest for this week's mid-week fixtures in the league. After a promising start to the season, Tonbridge Angels had struggled to find consistent form; and they were only slightly higher than Town (14th) in the embryonic league table. The floodlights were turned on just ahead of kick-off; adding a little extra sparkle to the usual, subtly beautiful, Enfield sunset.

The two GK's sported contrasting jerseys and, by the end of the game, contrasting expressions - as did the home & (well-travelled) away fans:



The first half provided little to watch, beyond hard graft. The Angels had come with a defensive game plan. They implemented that plan with discipline and well-drilled efficiency; and they looked very solid at the back, led by their dominant skipper and #5, Jerrome Sobers - formerly, if only briefly, of Ipswich Town and Brentford. They rarely ventured into the home penalty area; and seemed satisfied with long passes of little accuracy or note. One of the rare highlights was a "combative" challenge by Town's CF (centre forward AND crowd favourite) #9 Liam Hope, perpetrated on the Angel's 'keeper after a ball chase to the edge of the 6-yard box, which resulted in a 30th minute yellow card. I've seen red card flourished for less.

Hope gets tips from his new friend on removing left-over goalie from one's studs: 


The ball spent too much time up in the air, which suited the physically bigger Angels side; and the only other first-half moment of real note was another yellow card, this one apparently issued to the visitors' CF & #9, Billy Medlock, even before the game had actually started; that is, according to the Ryman League's own summary of the game, after "0 minutes". The pre-match announcement of the team line-ups had also noted a change to the referee originally named in the match programme; so perhaps replacement(?) Mr. Richardson just wanted to make it clear who really WAS in charge. There is a recurring joke about booking a player with a disciplinary 'reputation' early on, so as to get the predictable event out of the way; but this one must have been super-early, since I missed it completely, despite my own unusually timely arrival, designed to allow Callum to soak up the pre-match atmosphere ... and some Draught Guinness. Perhaps Medlock had sneaked in and left a 'calling card' on the officials' changing room floor, before heading out onto the pitch?

Yet another 1st-half aerial attack by Enfield leaves the Angels' defence untroubled

The second half was altogether more entertaining, helped in large measure by an early goal; and, true to the run of first-half play and possession, it was Enfield who took the advantage through the influential Corey Whitely. He received the ball in mid-run towards the left, on the edge of the area, checked back inside twice across two defenders and unleashed a curling right-footed drive high into the inside of the right-hand netting, beyond the 'keeper's despairing late dive. The 1-0 advantage was the least Enfield deserved for their more adventurous play; and it signaled a change of plan for the visitors, which opened up play and created far more excitement for the attentive crowd. Enfield still controlled the lion's (or fox's, or eagle's or greyhound's, or wolf's?) share of possession and threat; but it was a predictable sucker counter-punch which saw the Angels restore parity through Billy Medlock, who beat 'keeper Nathan McDonald at his near post, after a swift and well-worked passing move down the left.

Amongst several other players to see the yellow card flourished (in a game of the usual, poor, erratic, inconsistent and pedantic refereeing) was the Angels' exotically-named #7, Flavio Tavares. It turned out this was not the renowned Brazilian journalist, former political prisoner and student activist - but the former Hayes & Yeading midfielder. I quickly put away my autograph book.

It looked for all the world as though Enfield's night of toil and endeavour, against an organised and stalwart defense, would provide the small reward of an, arguably, much-needed point; but this was not to be. With the game just about to enter added time, a snap-shot from the edge of the 6-yard box, after some scrappy, penalty area pin-ball action, proved decisive; as Enfield's CB and #4, Taylor Hastings, stole an unexpected late winner; this despite some increased huff and puff from the visitors, in overdue response.

At the final whistle, home fans celebrated like they had just made the play-offs; and, after back-to-back wins for the first time this season, who knows but that might yet be a possibility. The change in team management (with no changes in playing staff) had reaped 6 quick points, more than doubling the Towners' previous total and pushing them up into 15th place - a mere 2 points behind Billericay, in 10th - see the latest table at: http://www.enfieldtownfootballclub.co.uk/s/table-65370.html

After the final whistle, Brad Quinton brought his team over to the adoring support for some fist-punching, glory-taking, post-match celebrations ... and then sat them all down inside the penalty area, perhaps for some Phil-Brown-style Hull home truths, about how hard the journey to glory might yet be.

Spot the difference part IV: Phil Brown, Brad Quinton & cheeky Jimmy Bullard


It is probably too early yet to decide whether Quinton truly is the Enfield Messiah; but at least he has not yet shown, unlike his predecessor George Borg (allegedly) that he is "a very naughty boy".

In a week when the traditional international break saw England's senior game so very nearly humbled (and so nearly out-fought and out-thought) in a 'friendly' by the part-time pickled herring-munchers of Norway, in front of the lowest crowd for an England match at "New" Wembley since it was re-opened in 2007, perhaps it is time for more sports fans to rediscover the grass roots of English soccer, as Saturday brings the return of Non-League Football Day. BBC Breakfast's sports presenter, Mike Bushell, quoted the perhaps unsurprising statistic that, of 220 starting players on the opening day of the Premier League season, only 85 were home-grown. That's less than 39%. At least if you seek out non-league entertainment this weekend, you'll be far more likely to see home-grown talent on display, wherever you watch; and, who knows, you might even catch another Enfield Town victory. Yes, even at home to table-toppers and former Football League outfit Maidstone United, who are by far and away the best supported side in the league and whose only defeat of the season so far came on the road,  at fellow Kent club ...  Tonbridge Angels F. C. I'm looking forward to a record attendance. So Come On, You Towners!

Important questions answered? I hope so. Although Monday's Euro 2016 qualifier for England, in Switzerland, may answer a few more.

Must try harder: “Don’t give me that. Two shots on target?" grumbled a rattled Hodgson; but even one of THOSE was Capt. Rooney's well-taken penalty / goal.
Wayne Rooney
Wayne gave the right sort of response to defender Vegard Forren's pre-match banter, in which he branded the England striker and captain “a bit chubby”. Not only was Forren's comment fair enough, it was also a reasonable bit of revenge for the antics of a former England superstar, Paul Gascoigne. Just before England’s World Cup qualifier with Norway in October 1992, Gazza was asked by NRK network reporter Thor Eggen if he had a message for Norway. Almost inevitably, Paul had: ‘Yes,’ replied Gazza. ‘F*ck off Norway!’ Thor Eggen couldn’t help but laugh - and pour yet another round of drinks. Norway, of course, famously went on (along with Holland) to dump England out of qualification for the World Cup finals of USA '94. Which also goes to show just what a good result that really was for England on Wednesday ... in beating 'mighty' Norway ... at home ... by a single goal ... even if it WAS 'only' from a penalty.

Humourist(?) Gascoigne belatedly admits to his smoking problem
Gascoigne Crazy Stunts

Tuesday, 26 August 2014

A Typical English August Bank Holiday Scene: nice weather ... for ducks ... again!

Enfield Town versus Wingate and FinchleyRyman League Premier DivisionMonday 25th August, 2014 – 3pm kick-off

The already distant memory of this summer's FIFA World Cup Finals (Trade Mark) in Brazil may have left England fans with little residual excitement beyond the introduction of a new shaving foam, with which some very lucky referees are now permitted to clean the boots of billionaire footballers - and also, of course, beyond the traditional guessing-game of predicting Luis Suarez's next menu selection - but it had also left many of us mere mortals hungry simply for the resumption of domestic football action. Incidentally, my Suarez snack suggestion is Epaule Paella.


Enfield Town F. C. were already five games into their latest season in English football’s seventh tier, before I finally found myself available and able to get along to watch them, on Monday, in the Isthmian Ryman Premier League. "We" hosted Wingate & Finchley F.C. at the QEII stadium; a club who were reprieved from ignominious relegation at the end of last season only by good fortune - and Worksop Town’s resignation from the Northern Premier Division. After a poor run of early season results, Enfield started the day in a familiar position: 7th from bottom, in a league of 24 teams. Meanwhile, Wingate found themselves in a surprisingly high-flying 6th place. The Enfield Advertiser’s sports section carried a headline which read “Manager backs Town to keep on improving following first victory”; but Saturday’s first result of the weekend had been another narrow defeat, 2-1 away to Canvey Island - so I was left hoping he hadn’t backed them with too much of his own cash.

Monday was a Public Holiday in England & Wales (although in Scotland it was just yet another regular day of Independence Referendum sparring) and it featured a home game for Enfield Town. It was also the main day of the Notting Hill Carnival weekend - so, naturally, it precipitated persistently (and heavily) all day. No shaving foam would be required to clean anyone's boots. Some may have been ‘tearing it up at Carnival’; most were probably just tearing up pizza and staying home, out of the rain. So the attendance of 305 brave souls, who had swum across Donkey Lane to help make up the league’s 4th largest crowd of the day, was fairly creditable. I originally over-estimated the crowd's true size, since fans were mostly crammed into the limited covered areas available, in order to avoid shrinking.

I had a curry planned for later that evening, so perhaps the wearisome weather was just mimicking monsoon season in the sub-Continent, to help get me in the right mood. Suitably, Wingate and Finchley ('W&F', nicknamed “The Blues”) also appeared to have got into the curry-night spirit, sporting away colours which one home fan described spontaneously as ‘Chicken Korma Yellow’.

That 'Chicken Korma Yellow' kit puts Enfield right off, during an early attack.

Pre-season, W&F’s captain, Marc Weatherstone had claimed: “We’re not quite ready for the play-offs but with the talent we’ve got in our squad we should be finishing in mid-table.” That seemed like fairly big talk, for a ‘relegated’ club. Today we would find out whether it was all just talk.

The QEII pitch now sports exciting, if somewhat confusing, blue chalk markings for rugby league, as well as the more traditional white football pitch lines. After 12 hours of rain, rugby league might well be the preferred style of play, on the weekend of the Challenge Cup Final. Although Donkey Lane had become a temporary home for the London Skolars RL club, the day’s football was unlikely to be either educated or gentlemanly. In the first 10 minutes, both teams struggled to get to terms with the tricky conditions; but the visitors had the better of what little possession and passing play there was. After that, Enfield started to take more control and exerted a decent period of pressure. Sure enough, a goal followed. After a poor interchange in attack, Enfield gave away the ball. As the visitors launched a counter-attack down their left-hand side, three consecutive weak, defensive challenges allowed them to move the ball inside, leaving The Blues’ Karl Oliyide with the simplest of finishes, to put the visitor’s 0-1 up.

After 23 minutes, Enfield’s skipper Mark Kirby gave an excellent demonstration of the difficult conditions, looking left, as his attempted clearance skewed high and out of play to the right. On 26 minutes, Enfield’s defensive blushes were only saved by good covering work from #7, Corey Whiteley. I’ll give Town’s Stanley Muguo the benefit of the doubt, which the referee didn’t do, for his uncontrolled 32nd minute challenge which led to the first yellow card of the game. A home fan mumbled something about his ‘tackle’ being just “a fraction late”. The injured visiting midfielder probably muttered something somewhat different, as he checked to see if both of his knees were still attached to the rest of his legs.

The visitors’ confidence had been greatly boosted by their early goal, broadly against the run of play, and by Enfield’s toothless attacks to-date. Town were losing possession too easily and sending far too many balls high down the middle, to skid on safely into the hands of Bobby Smith, in the W&F goal. While Enfield’s diminutive attack posed little aerial threat to the visitors’ dominant defence.

On 43 minutes, the Enfield midfield appeared to go to sleep at a set piece. From an unpromising position near the half-way line, the visitors broke to the left with a free kick. Initially unchallenged, Wingate’s left-back, #3 Ronayne Marsh-Brown, drove on and put in an excellent cross too easily from wide on the left, as the belated defensive challenge finally arrived. His ball fell to #6 James Kaloizi, who drove home sweetly from the edge of the box, beyond Nathan McDonald’s despairing dive. Marsh-Brown didn’t make it back to his own half for the re-start, though; and Wingate were forced to send on their first sub, after a delay for treatment. Given the amount of water on the pitch, it was only a surprise that this was the first warship sent into action.

Well into first-half added time, things got even worse for the home side. Wingate probed down the left yet again. McDonald came out too far, trying to narrow the angle of attack, against the advice of the home supporters. He got only a soft palm to the resultant driven cross. The ball fell into the path of Enfield’s #3, Phil Kane, who managed to tangle his own legs, whilst attempting a defensive fly-kick, and fell over in a heap – leaving another simple tap-in for the visitors and a half-time score line of 0-3, which wasn’t flattering for either side. Perhaps depth charges could be deployed in the second half?

Half-time tune selections on the public address system spoke volumes; and reflected the age profile of much of the crowd. First of all, K. C. and the Sunshine Band told all present to “Give It Up”. It was difficult advice to ignore. Amid the reek of skinny, hand-made roll-ups, half-time pies and chat about the risk of contracting Ebola from one of the latter, however, George Borg chose to listen to the implicit message of the next song selection: Queen’s “I Want To Break Free”; ringing the changes for the second half with a pair of substitutions. On came Taylor Hastings and Tyler Campbell for Ryan Doyle and Liam Hope, to give added width. Those ‘80’s-inspired changes paid off almost immediately. Broadly anonymous in a lacklustre first-half, Enfield’s #10, Neil Cousins, looked rejuvenated. With just 3 second-half minutes gone, he collected a loose ball after The Blues failed to deal with a Campbell cross from the left, following a free kick. Looking up, he picked his spot carefully and drilled a shot through a crowd of players and across goal from the right-hand edge of the 6-yard box, into the left-hand side-netting: 1-3 and it was ‘game on’!

 Still two goals adrift, Enfield probe down their left, during a soaking second half.

For the remainder of the game, Enfield possession and pressure dominated proceedings. After 60 mins., substitute Hastings struck narrowly over from the edge of the 6-yard box, leaning back instead of forwards. Enfield were pressing ever harder. The visitors resorted to shabby delaying tactics of the worst order; picking up several yellow cards and losing all self-respect, in the process. The worst offender was their #5, Kieron Street. Arguably the best defender on the pitch in the first half, he left his footballing brain in the dressing room at half-time and proceeded to feign a series of injuries, in order to break up play - and to frustrate both Enfield’s improved attack and the boisterous home crowd. It never appeared to surprise the referee that Street was able, repeatedly, to recover from near-death to total fitness in a matter of seconds, once he had blown his whistle to stop play and allow emergency medical assistance. Street was even able to share the odd crafty wink and playful smile with the enraged support behind the away goal.

Enfield dominate 2nd-half action; but rely too heavily on delivering high balls, against a "muscular" defence.

Regular readers of this occasional blog will be well aware that the standard of officiating in England’s 7th tier is, at times, let’s say, errrm … “idiosyncratic”. In this match it was, at times, plain idiotic. After 72 minutes, as two Enfield attackers latched intelligently onto a long, mis-timed back-pass, yards clear of any covering defenders and with only the ‘keeper to beat, the linesman raised his flag to indicate a clearly-incorrect off-side decision. The home crowd howled with indignation and insults. Home players threw up their hands in exaggerated horror; but to no avail. The referee had backed his idiot assistant and given the last-ditch defenders yet another play-disrupting free kick. Ah, what might have been! Three minutes later, a poor cross from the left by Whiteley (too high and too deep, even for the now aerially-dominant and more advanced Captain Kirby, up from his centre-back duties) seemed to signal and reflect the waning hopes of the home side. But wait: lo and behold! With just 4 minutes of normal time remaining, Enfield struck again. An effort driven desperately in through a crowded box bounced out off a Wingate goalpost to the lurking Cousins, who drove the ball home for his second, from just left of the goal.

This would have been the perfect timing for the justice of a red card for one of the time-wasting away side. Surprisingly, referee Elliott Kaye obliged. Perhaps he was aware, after all, of Street’s earlier antics; since, when the #5 slid in studs up in the 90th minute, he appeared to be shown a straight red for his troubles, despite the sensibly evasive actions of the Enfield attacker he had been targeting.

The visitors finish with 10 men, as Street (hidden) sees red late on - to their captain's apparent / feigned disbelief.

The home fans clearly felt that one last, concerted effort might yet see Enfield secure a valuable point. It would have been much-deserved, if only on the basis of their exemplary second-half performance; but, alas, it was not to be. Fickle fate and the hands of time were against the inept home side, as the visitors pumped the ball deep down field, to break up each of Enfield’s desperate, late attacks.

Reacting to an alleged 'racist incident' towards the end of Enfield’s previous match, manager George Borg had told local news reporters “I’ve never been called a white c*** in my life; but I was by one of the [Canvey Island] players. The way they reacted after the game was disgusting – they were embarrassing to non-league football, really”. In their own sweet way, Enfield Town were an embarrassment to non-league football for most of this first half. Their second-half recovery was dominant and admirable, showing great character, resilience and team spirit; but, ultimately, it proved to be too little, too late. Much like the referee’s grasp of the laws of the game of Association Football.

Part of the home crowd gets cosily acquainted behind the away goal, avoiding the worst of the wet weekend weather.

Monday's result puts Wingate & Finchley 4th in the table, after 6 games, so perhaps their skippers expectations are justified after all; while Enfield Town languish 5th from bottom, in a league where 4 go down. The Towners now face 4 games in the space of 2 weeks; all against teams well above them in the league. George Borg has already gone on the offensive; advising those local reporters that he will “walk away from Enfield Town if I can't take the club forward”, in a barely-disguised attempt to secure improved funding from the club board with which to strengthen his misfiring squad. At least it was clear to him that the squad hadn't "kept on improving following their first victory". Certainly, the wearing of thinking caps in the boardroom, along with wellington boots and raincoats, might be of benefit over the next few days and weeks.

Meanwhile, tonight, Fulham FC must take on local rivals Brentford in a sorry and soggy West London League Cup clash, after their own dismal start to a season which has registered four straight defeats and just 2 goals scored. Fulham can currently only DREAM of being as high as 5 places off the bottom of their (Championship) table. Things are not looking too promising, as yet, for either of "my" two clubs. Although the curry was excellent; so, arguably, things are already looking on the up.

Thursday, 12 June 2014

The FIFA World Cup finals (finally) start here!

Day 1

I won't bore you all with the dull, day one details of today's opening encounter between hosts Brazil and under-dogs Croatia. Except to note that, in the UK, ITV are joining together the uninteresting opening ceremony with the possibly uninteresting first match, in order to make a 4 hour advertising jamboree ... which will surely dissuade many sensible UK sports fans from tuning in.

Today instead, I look to: refreshment planning, the USA, England and Spain to bore you. Please do feel free to respond, comment and chatter away, below:

1) USA
According to ESPN, Landon Donovan believes USA coach Jurgen Klinsmann is wrong to suggest his team cannot win the World Cup. The striker, who was left out of Klinsmann's final squad, said: "This will come as a surprise to nobody, but I disagree with Jurgen."

Meanwhile, Taylor Twellman (a former US player of whom I've never previously heard - now turned ESPN soccer pundit) says Jurgen is merely "feeding the bear". Which totally confuses me! Is tackling the nutritional needs of large and dangerous mammals a standard part of US squad preparations for a World Cup Finals tournament? Or is this one of Jurgen's own special, Teutonic training methods? Ouch!




2) England vs. Italy
So, first you decide to stage a small number of matches in the middle of the Amazonian jungle, so as to take the World Cup 'to the peoples'. You realise you will have to transport ALL building materials, tools and sundries to the jungle by boat, down the Amazon river. You consider this both a logistical challenge AND a symbolic analogy of the status of your emerging nation's history and future. Then you realise the stadium you're going to need to build will be a 'white elephant' so you start to cut back on the spiralling costs ... and time ticks away rather faster than you were first expecting until Mañana (or Manhã) comes to Manaus and becomes today. One of the results of all this predictable but still-surreal political posturing and financial botching is one of the worst playing surfaces for a series of world cup finals matches in the modern era. It is so bad that even the head groundsman who is personally and directly responsible for the playing surface, one Carlos Botella, opines: "Frankly, Manaus is in bad shape". In fact, Enfield Town FC play on a far superior surface than the one prepared for Saturday night's Group D encounter. Ouch! It remains to be seen whether this situation suits either England or Italy the better ... or neither?!


3) Spain - a lesson from history?
Can teams survive an initial defeat in the first round of tournament finals? This is a question I heard asked just yesterday. To help answer, consider the following golden nugget?

In 2010, Spain famously lost their opening match, as the very un-Swiss-sounding Gelson Fernandes - born in Praia, Cape Verde - scored for un-fancied Switzerland the only goal, in their match against the reigning European champions, in Durban. Yet Spain still went on to win the tournament in that infamous martial arts play-off, against Holland - who had totally forgotten about 'total football'. Ouch!


So, it seems that losing the first game of a tournament is, in fact, part of a winning formula - and, therefore, something England and the USA may both try to emulate. Watch this space, sports fans.

... and finally

4) Day 1 refreshments have been sourced for the Harney World Cup fridge, in the shape of a case of Budweiser '66. I'd never heard of it before; but there should be little need to explain to English readers the lure of this brand name. For others, just think of World Cup 1966, rather than the following rather mundane COMMERCIAL DESCRIPTION: “A lightly carbonated lager brewed with a touch of sweetness for a smooth, easy taste at 4% abv, Bud ’66′ is a winning concept. Inspired by the lengths our brewmasters go to create the perfect beer, we named it Budweiser Brew No. 66 after the winning recipe number that had the perfect balance of ingredients creating the taste we know consumers will love.” 

B
rewed in Luton and distributed in the UK by InBev this brand was, apparently, launched in July 2010 - and has been awaiting this potential moment of World Cup glory ever since. A 330 ml bottle of "66" has just 84 calories (I think they may have missed a trick, there!). Low CO2 content? Low in calories? A taste consumers will love? Sounds fantastic. Checking out consumer reviews on Rate Beer, however,
(http://www.ratebeer.com/beer/budweiser-brew-no-66/141085/ ) I fear that I may have placed too much faith in the allegorical power of that redolent brand name. A reviewer from Norfolk, ENGLAND, for instance says: "smells of nothing looks like stale pee, tastes thin and watery, flavour of brown sugar mixed in water". Another reviewer, from Bucks., adds: "It's rubbish, makes me think of what the bad Sainsbury's economy lager I tried last year would have been like if I'd left it open overnight". Ouch!

Sounds appealing; I just can't wait to try one! I fear it may, however, be like the proverbial 'liaison in a canoe'. I will advise. Come on, Croatia!