Dead & "Bury-ed"?

A somewhat melodramatic banner headline, perhaps; but, if Enfield Town could not recover from their disappointing away defeat the previous weekend (at second-from-bottom VCD Athletic) then their end of season play-off hopes might well match that pithily punning description!

Enfield Town versus Bury Town

Ryman League Premier Division
Saturday 12th December, 2014 – 3pm kick-off

This week’s opponents at Donkey Lane were even lowlier than last week's. Visitors Bury Town F.C. (the imaginatively nick-named “Blues”) were arriving at the QEII on the back of 6 consecutive league defeats. They were looking upwards at all 23 other teams in the league, languishing at the foot of the table, and four points adrift thanks, at least in part, to Enfield’s capitulation last weekend, at their nearest rivals. That unexpected defeat had ended the Towners’ own recent run of 6 consecutive league wins (and 8 unbeaten). A run which had previously seen them scurrying up the table, like the clock-loving mouse of nursery rhyme fame, to pose as genuine contenders for a play-off place to compete for promotion to the Conference South - the much-vaunted 6th tier of English football.

My long-lost, occasional match buddy, Glenn, was keen to get along to the Bury game. Perhaps inspired by the possibility of a home win - and a potential goal-fest? We strolled down Tenniswood Road together and  expectantly crossed the New River bridge, on our normal route to the ground. Bury had one of the three leakiest defences in the league; but were also the most goal-shy, having scored just 16 goals in 25 league games. This combination of goal statistics, for and against, looked on paper like the primary cause of their current predicament. A look at their website also showed that their goal keeper was on loan to them from a neighbouring team, languishing in the league below. If Alex Archer wasn't good enough for Sudbury Town, then perhaps signing him as first choice goalie was not the best way to make a positive statement and stake your club's claim for league survival.

Ideal weather for ducks on the New River; but, ironically, perhaps not for football?

There was a pitch inspection on the morning of the game, after recent wet weather and frosty nights; but the all-clear was given just after 9:30am. This was good news both for football-hungry fans AND for Enfield Town’s new right winger Tony Burke, starting on the bench after recently signing from FC Broxbourne Borough as a reinforcement for Bradley Quinton’s attacking options. His arrival at Enfield, presumably, was with one eye on those glittering play-off places. The afternoon's attendance of 329 was noticeably down on the norm; but still the 4th highest of the 10 declared gates of the day (Wingate & Finchley didn’t dare publicise theirs!). The 11 away fans visible at the far end had perhaps not being paying attention to recent results. Or maybe they just preferred standing in the cold to going Christmas shopping in Suffolk. The delights of the A10 'Retail Park', after all, are only a stone's throw away, visible from the ground. Some members of Bury's squad had found the soccer-or-shopping choice harder to make, it seemed; since the club had travelled with just three substitutes - none of whom were to see any action. Were they (in fact) rusting, decommissioned nuclear Russian subs?

In a game where the visitors' 'keeper was involved in a near colour clash with his own outfield players ('tangerine' versus 'gold') a bright and confident start from Enfield saw them create most of the early pressure and chances, as expected. Glenn and I consequently joked that our Golden Goal tickets (47th and 63rd minutes) had no hope. Not even a Liam Hope, who was starting on the bench. Jordan Lockie was busy with his normal forward forays from the back, on Town’s right. His 8th minute cross into the box saw Michael Kalu shoot just over the bar. His 10th minute assist saw Leon Antoine rise to head powerfully – but directly at Bury’s on-loan ‘keeper, Alex Archer (see photo).

Enfield's Leon Antoine times his run; but directs his header at Bury's Alex Archer.
Photo by Tom Scott

The visitors ‘combatively’ sought to counter Enfield’s greater finesse and threat; and it was only a surprise that their first booking, after 14 minutes, had not come sooner. Bury’s #10, Remi Garrett, was clearly guilty of leaving his high foot ‘in’; but might still have got away without a yellow card, had he not decided then to stupidly remonstrate his innocence with referee Graham Kinnear. So, with Enfield’s midfield and attack totally dominant, the home defence (of course) decided to take a few naps. After 21 minutes, Bury’s first real chance of the game materialised almost out of nowhere. Garrett’s cross found Joe Whight deep in the box; but his effort went just to the left of McDonald’s goal. With 23 minutes gone, Whight’s in-swinging corner from the right was met by Weavers, who rose unmarked at the far side of the area, only to head his effort back to the right, high and wide of goal. These were clear warnings to Town that The Blues (yes, they were playing in gold!) had not travelled more than 70 rustic miles just to capitulate to the vagaries of ‘the form book’. Normal service was soon resumed, though, with Enfield dominant in terms of possession and territory; and Bury content to sit back and frustrate in ‘muscular’ style. The Bury website would later claim loyally that “an even half ended without a goal and both teams reflecting on missed chances”; but, other than those couple of squandered efforts, the visitors had added little of positive note to the game. That was until their vociferous penalty appeal, late in the half. It was waved away, briskly; but not before Enfield hearts had fluttered. It looked increasingly likely that a single goal might well decide the contest; and a sucker punch, against the run of play, just before the break, would have been a cruel blow to home hopes. It was a pleasant, bright, winter’s afternoon; but so bitterly COLD. Luckily(?) the club shop had gratefully received its consignment of this year's stylish(?) new bobble hats; in tasteful(?) Town Blue and Luminous Lime Green. With the Winter Solstice just a week away, the QEII floodlights were on long before Mr. Kinnear offered us the respite of half-time. They picked out the colours of those new hats beautifully(?) amongst the crowd. After the ref blew for half-time, the Butler’s Bar was, unsurprisingly, soon very full - and steamy.

The second half carried on where the first had left off. Enfield again dominated possession, but lacked cutting edge (and a touch of Lady Luck) in the final third. As in other recent games, Quinton had clearly fired up his boys with a strong half-time dressing room pep talk. Bury lost what little rhythm they had shown in the first half and rarely went forward; struggling to gain or retain the ball; still resorting to 'questionable' challenges. Lockie departed after just 50 minutes with an almost inevitable resultant injury.

Antoine receives a cheery, festive shove: "Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence!"
Photo by Tom Scott

I knowingly confided in Glenn that Town’s superior fitness levels would, surely, pay dividends late in the game – if not before. Enfield pushed forward at every opportunity searching for that all-important goal. Whitely’s left-foot effort was saved after 52 minutes. Another header from Antoine cleared the bar, after a 56th minute corner. On 61 minutes Tyler Campbell pulled a shot just wide. With fifteen minutes left, a ball in from new signing, substitute Tony Burke, after good footwork and a fine run, was smothered gratefully by Archer. A flurry of efforts on goal from Burke, Livings, Kane and Kirby all failed to break the deadlock. It was an endless catalogue of woulda, shoulda and coulda. But Bury continued to defend resolutely; and it looked for all the world as though they were heading for their first point in seven leagues games. Perhaps it was also telling that Town's record club goal scorer, Liam Hope, failed to make even the briefest of appearances off the Enfield bench, on a day when his team mates couldn't seem to buy a goal for love nor money. Those Golden Goal tickets of ours really had, ultimately, been hopeless; but not in the way we had originally imagined.

There had been plenty of time-wasting and injuries throughout, though; and Enfield continued to build pressure, optimistically ignoring that fickle enemy, the clock. “Score in a minute – we’re gonna score in a minute” sang the hopeful home fans. Brian Clough had famously intoned that it only takes a second to score a goal. It was a view Towners now very much found themselves desperately endorsing. The home side's superior fitness levels and sensible use of fresh legs off the bench, now had little time left to prove their worth. In the fourth minute of injury time Enfield captain Mark Kirby finally proved Clough right, though. As yet another thwarted Town attack saw the ball roll out to him on the edge of Bury’s area, he drove a well-timed and powerful right-footed volley back, back the full 20 yards, inside the left-hand post, beyond Archer’s late, despairing dive: 1-0, at long, long last.

Spot the Ball! Unmarked Kirby's late, late strike is on its way goal-ward.
Photo by Tom Scott

... and then so is Kirby. The contrasting expressions say it all! Lost contact lenses?

Photo by Tom Scott

Team & fans join in the goal celebrations, despite kill-joy linesman intervention.
A new club hat can be seen worn proudly(?) left of centre, in all its 'glory'.

Kirby was ecstatic; as were his fellow Town players - AND the home fans. The importance of even the narrowest margin of victory was clear to all. The gold-shirted visitors, by contrast, were crest-fallen; heads hung low. It was now easy to see how such a dour (but not always dire) side, with just three seemingly unusable subs, might find themselves bottom of the league, Just not showing enough attacking intent; until it was, finally, almost too late. Yet all credit to them, as they then regrouped for a final assault which had seemed beyond them for most of the first 95 minutes. Belatedly, they were still able to muster their best chance of the game, as Garrett’s cross found Hall, whose close-range header demanded – and received – a fine reaction save from the otherwise under-employed Enfield ‘keeper, Nathan McDonald. It was to be the difference between the two sides. The sign of a good goalie; able to deliver even when left largely inactive, out in the cold. One, indeed, who appears to have improved almost beyond recognition, as an initially-shaky season has progressed. Just the sort of guardian, in fact, a play-off-bound team might need, come April. No goal-fest for Glenn; but a home win, nonetheless.

Going into this weekend's NFL fixtures, the Seattle Seahawks had just lost 1 in 7 'regular season' American Football games. It was a record matched by the equally world famous(?) Enfield Town FC; but the similarities between these two global giants didn't end there. Oh no! For instance, just take another look at that new-style Towners bobble hat (above) and then look at the Seahawks equivalent, below. I think it's clear from whence the Washington State side take their millinery cues:

Spookily similar - although Enfield's version is better value!

... but I digress, as ever. Back on the pitch, Mr. Kinnear had finally seen enough. The Seahawks, incidentally, did win again at the weekend - and so had the famous Enfield Town. Bury’s defensive ‘Dunkirk’ spirit had so very nearly paid off; but the three points were, ultimately, a just reward for the hosts’ persistent perseverance. One 'humourous' tweet on the club’s website suggested "Mark Kirby is worth his weight in gold. And that's a lot of gold" – which seemed, simultaneously, both harsh AND fair on Captain Marvel! Glenn and I could barely feel the cold any more, so warmed were we by those two gratefully received 'additional' league points. We were walking in a Kirby Wonderland. And any rumours of Enfield Town's dead (or dying) promotion play-off chances had clearly been, as another American, Mark Twain, might have said, "greatly exaggerated", after all. That is to say: so far, at least. The crowd dispersed warmly. We contentedly trudged on frozen toes back towards our cars, etc., as The Towners climbed back into 7th place in the Ryman Isthmian Premier League table ... and hope continued to spring, eternal(?).

Enfield Town: Nathan McDonald, Jordan Lockie (Jamie Smyth 50), Phil Kane, Taylor Hastings, Mark Kirby, Stanley Muguo, Tyler Campbell, Nathan Livings, Corey Whitely, Leon Antoine (Ryan Doyle 90), Michael Kalu (Tony Burke 66).
Unused subs: Liam Hope, Ade Cole.

Bury Town: Alex Archer, Russell Short, Seb Dunbar, John Kennedy, Justin Miller, Milton Elenge, Connor Hall, Phil Weavers, Joe Benjamin, Remi Garrett, Joe Whight.
Unused subs: Callum Bennett, Chris Benjamin, Liam Wales.
Booked: Garrett, J Benjamin, Whight.

Thieving Magpies(?) at the QEII stadium

Enfield Town versus Peacehaven & Telscombe
Tuesday 2nd December, 2014 – 7.45pm kick-off

THE RYMAN ISTHMIAN PREMIER LEAGUE

A home crowd of 269 was disappointingly low for Enfield Town, even on a cold, blustery December night, with an Arctic blast blowing in from Hoddesdon, to bring Enfield its coldest night of the season so far. That total was the smallest home crowd of the season to date, for the Ryman Premier League’s form side. It was not helped by the lack of away fans. A 180-mile mid-week round-trip was probably not the most conducive incentive for Peacehaven & Telscombe's stay-at-home fans. Even so, the 4 (yes, just FOUR!) brave souls who inhabited the away end must have wished they’d brought a few more friends with them – if only to help them keep warm in North London’s great outdoors. Perhaps they just wished they HAD a few more friends? They were, almost inevitably, mocked mercilessly by their Enfield counterparts, from the start: “Home in a Smart car – you’re going home in a Smart car”. It may have been the first time this song had ever been sung AND been potentially (‘literally’) true.

Given the “nippy” conditions, it was decidedly not a night for a dull 0-0 draw. Enfield were on a run of five consecutive wins; but I still feared the worst, as the ends of my toes started to go numb. For their part, the visitors had, prior to a defeat in their last, been unbeaten in their previous seven league outings; and had not failed to score since 16th September; so I still feared the worst, as the tips of my fingers began to turn blue. There were only 2 changes to Enfield’s previous starting line-up: Hope was restored up front (physically and metaphorically?) and Nathan Livings had inexplicably switched to wearing the number 18 shirt, from his previous number 8. OK, the second one was a pretty minor change, I'll admit. As so often seems to happen for away teams in mid-week games in this league, Haven had travelled one sub light, reducing their options off the bench - or disrespecting the threat posed by The Town. I had also got to the bottom of the visitors' unusual name. The club was formed in 1923 as a result of a merger between Peacehaven Rangers and Telscombe Tye. After promotion to the Premier League at the end of last season, the South-Coast club are now playing at the highest level in their history. The same is true for Enfield Town; a club 78 years their junior. After a couple of recent defeats in different cup tournaments, it was true that Haven arrived at Donkey Lane on the back of three straight defeats; but I still feared the worst, as the end of my nose began to form an icicle.

Perhaps it was the cold night air taking effect; maybe it was a touch of confusion caused by the near colour-clash between The Whites and The Black-and-Whites; but both teams got off to a frosty start. In a game strewn with individual errors, neither side seemed capable of penalising the other’s mistakes. After just 3 minutes, Enfield’s Taylor Hastings misjudged a defensive header, giving the ball just a glancing contact to open up the way for an effort on goal from the edge of the box; but it never came. Three minutes later, Enfield created a half chance as Whitely, and then Hope, took the ball into the left channel of the opponent’s area; but their ‘keeper, Anthony Di Bernardo, smothered the resultant effort at the foot of his near post. After 10 minutes, Enfield were awarded a free-kick just outside the visitors’ area. A low cross was whipped in; but skipper Kirby was being held, as is usual. Haven’s ‘keeper completely missed the flight of the ball, anyway; but it bounced across the area, evading the attentions of Stanley Muguo, to go wide of the left-hand post and out harmlessly for a goal kick.

Kirby (white #5, centre) is held, again; the 'keeper flaps ineffectively; Stan Muguo (white shirt, right) can't quite react quickly enough to steer the ball goal-wards.

As early as the 23rd minute, Di Bernardo was already time-wasting at every possible opportunity - and at some IMpossible ones. Pausing for drinks before every clearance (it really wasn’t warm enough to have worked up a sweat, so I’m guessing he must have been suffering from a hang-over – some wag in the crowd suggested his affliction was more likely an STD); swapping the ball to opposite sides of the area before each goal-kick; walking as slowly as possible to collect each ball that went out of play. It was clearly going to be a long night for Enfield fans!

Town were in dominant control of possession and territory; but looked bereft of cutting edge in the final third. The Magpies were content merely to contain. There was really only one team in it. So, obviously, it was Haven who had the ball in the opposition net first, after 32 minutes. A corner routine saw the ball bundled across the Enfield goal-line; but, fortunately for Town fans, the referee had already blown his whistle for an infringement. Sighs of relief replaced the low grumble of discontent that had briefly percolated up out of some of the less observant amongst the home crowd.

In the 44th minute, Haven belatedly earned the first yellow card of the game, for a late challenge. The resultant Enfield free-kick was punted long, into the box. Once again, Di Bernardo flapped ineffectively. The ball fell to Kirby on the edge of the area, who executed a deft lob of the rising ball. It looped high over the crowd of players towards the far corner of the goal – only for a recovering defender to head the ball up onto the underside of the bar and, inexplicably, back out again. Phil Kane sped in on the loose ball; but he came at it from the 'wrong' side and was unable to get his head around it to redirect it goal-wards. The ball skidded out wide, past the right-hand post and to safety. It was to be the last meaningful action of the half; and, despite all the Haven goal keeper’s time wasting, there were few complaints when the referee blew a fairly early whistle to indicate the break. The whole crowd of 269 people seemed to head en masse, and rapidly, for the Butler's Bar. It was fair to say that Enfield had struggled to recreate the free-flowing football of Saturday’s 5-0 triumph; for which much credit must go to the organisation of the evening’s visitors. Although they’d also ridden their luck.

The visiting 'keeper flaps ineffectively, again; and a melee ensues, before a goal-line clearance. 

The half-time music, delivered through the PA system, included Hot Chocolate’s 1975 hit "You Sexy Thing". Aficionados will be aware that this song features the heartfelt avowal “I believe in Miracles”. It was not necessarily a sentiment shared by all those home fans inside the QEII stadium during the interval. The half-time warm up by Enfield’s subs, set a poor tone for the second period. It was clear why most of them were on the bench. For most of the duration, and despite many attempts, not a single ball threatened to go anywhere near the goal. One had to hope this would not prove to be an omen or an analogy for the second half of play.

A linesman checks the goal nets before the 2nd half, perhaps looking for some of that missing first-half time, wasted by The Magpies' goalie.

Just as in Saturday’s game, Town emerged for the second half with a clearly-renewed sense of purpose and commitment; perhaps stoked by some choice words from manager Bradley Quinton. If so, his stirring oration proved well judged. Within three minutes of the re-start, Enfield’s Michael Kalu flicked a header onto a cross from the right by Jordan Lockie, deflecting the ball low and accurately inside the left-hand post. It was ‘just what the game had needed’, as the scoreboard ticked over to a deserved 1-0 home lead.

Town's players celebrate their 'go-ahead' goal in front of the Towners fans' end. (Dodgy?) hats and 'hoodies' were clearly the order of the day in the home stand.

The visitors’ Dan McLaughlin was lucky only to receive a yellow card for a challenge on Whitely, after which the referee was roundly booed for not wanting to write up a red card report. Although he was later quite happy to dish out 3 further ‘soft’ yellow cards to Enfield players. A few minutes after the goal, Whitely and Hope played a clever interchange inside the Haven box, coming in from the right; but the ‘keeper got down low well to his near post to force the driven shot out for a corner, which was subsequently wasted. And thus the pattern of the game continued. After 66 minutes, Phil Kane showed good footwork racing down the left wing through several opponents and crossed to allow an acrobatic effort from Nathan Livings; but his spectacular, aerial kick stayed high and flew over.

A corner flag panorama, as Enfield launch yet another attack.

Di Bernardo’s first-half time wasting was now very much a thing of the past as, restored to the football faith, he raced to retrieve every wayward ball, hurried each kick back into play from whichever side he happened to be scurrying and forgot all about his drink bottle entirely. The Magpies’ continued to offer some limited, occasional, attacking menace; but their chances of thieving some shiny glittering points from the match looked slim, as Town’s organised defence remained mostly resolute. Still we worried, in the home end - and feared the worst.

After 74 minutes, substitutions began to be made; but with no overall effect on play. That shouldn't be much of a surprise from the Enfield perspective, given the subs' dire performances in their half-time practice. Perhaps the exception to this rule was when Town’s Nathan Livings gave way for Stephan Hamilton-Forbes (that’s just one player!) after 83 minutes. The latter showed poise and control on the ball and brought renewed vigour to Enfield’s attacking options; but without reward.

Close to a "colour-clash"? White shirts vs. black-and-white shirts. Goal-provider & RB Lockie (#2) awaits a return ball from his own throw-in.

In the latter period of the match, Enfield finally rode a little luck of their own. Firstly, a well-worked free-kick was wastefully headed over. Then the previously mostly-spectating Town 'keeper, McDonald, needed to react fast and get down low to thwart an effort from the diminutive Mark Knee (who had actually, contrary to some expectations, used his foot). With just three minutes of normal time remaining, Saturday’s two-goal man-of-the-match, Jon Constant, finally came on for club record goal scorer, Liam Hope. Constant was to experience more action than he probably had anticipated, as the fourth official indicated a minimum of 5 added minutes – which eventually stretched into seven. Perhaps the ref had had his ear chewed off for not adding more time at the end of the first half, for all Haven’s time-wasting; since the crowd were left scratching their heads as to where he’d found the need for so much extra time in the second half. It mattered little, other than to the lowering average body temperature in the ground.

A sharp and chilly final blast from the ref’s whistle signalled three more points to the table-climbing Towners and an unprecedented sixth successive victory, which elevated them into 7th place in the league. The club’s website would later note smugly, “Town last dropped points (away) at Leiston on 11th October.” That is more than seven weeks ago.

Towners’ thoughts now mostly turned to VCD. Despite an opinion expressed on Tuesday night, that is NOT a(nother) venereal disease; but the shortened name for Vickers, Crayford & Dartford Athletic FC. After a run of 5 straight defeats - with 4 of those coming in the league - and lying second from bottom of the table in 23rd place, “The Vickers” will probably not be looking forward to the visit of the Ryman Premier League’s form side with much relish. They have scored only twice in their last seven games. But I will probably still fear the worst...

Enfield Town: Nathan McDonald, Jordan Lockie, Phil Kane, Taylor Hastings, Mark Kirby, Stanley Muguo, Tyler Campbell , Nathan Livings (Stephan Hamilton-Forbes 83), Corey Whitely (Ryan Doyle 90), Liam Hope (Jon Constant 87), Michael Kalu. Unused subs: Jamie Smyth, Leon Antoine. Booked: Kalu, Lockie, Kane.

Peacehaven & Telscombe: Anthony di Bernardo, Steve Metcalf, Mark Knee, Dan McLaughlin, Ash Jones, Sami El-Abd, Tommy Fraser, Lloyd Cotton, Joe Gatting, James Fraser (Terry Dodds 74), Jamie Brotherton (Tom Burton 85). Unused subs: Jon Marzetti, Freddie Barker. Booked: McLaughlin.

What's in a name? Saturday league football returns to the QEII ... and about time, too!

Enfield Town versus Harrow Borough

Saturday 29th November, 2014 – 3pm kick-off

THE RYMAN ISTHMIAN PREMIER LEAGUE

There is an old racist 'joke' (which, for so many good reasons, I won’t re-tell in detail here) much beloved of traditional, old school, working men's club comedian dinosaurs. It's about how so many cheery Chinese migrants arriving at Heathrow airport used to end up inadvertently taking taxis to Harrow. Hardly hilarious; but I was unexpectedly reminded of it, recently, only because Enfield Town were scheduled to play Harrow Borough again this Saturday at Donkey Lane. That crusty old gag is more or less the sum total of my knowledge of Harrow, other than its famous public school. Oh, and a good friend's posh wedding I was (surely mistakenly?) once invited to (though not twice) on The Hill, back in the late '80's. Thanks, Emma! If Saturday's match actually went ahead, as scheduled, it would be the third game between the two sides in just 15 weeks. After the postponement of Enfield’s Tuesday night home game due to a water-logged pitch, however, there was some residual doubt as to whether that third match up between the two sides would, indeed, be played at all. Hopefully, there wouldn’t prove to be too much residual water. There has been a typical, late-November mixture of more rain and some dry spells since Tuesday; but why my sudden interest in matters meteorological, you might be wondering? Not only had I spent the morning finally starting a delayed DIY decorating task (I’m re-painting all of the stairways, landings and halls of a 3-storey town-house) with an eye on the sky - and a number of open windows - but I was also suffering from soccer-withdrawal symptoms, after so many weekends without home league football fixtures at The Donkey-Drome. The Beautiful Game, you see, is one of a very select number of drugs of which I do need a fix on a regular basis; but I digress.

Given that this was the last match-day of November - and there has only been one home league game at the QEII since Saturday 18th October (the 3-0 win over Lewes which, coincidentally, had really kick-started Brad Quinton’s and the Towners’ season) - another postponement would not be well received. At least, certainly not by me – and perhaps not by regular readers of my occasional blog, who might have been left wondering if I had departed to that football ground in the sky for an early bath. The previous home game before that had been a narrow 1-0 mid-week League Cup win over today’s opponents. For a detailed reminder and the usual colourful match report, go to http://des-desh.blogspot.co.uk/2014_10_01_archive.html

To find “improving” Enfield’s last defeat in the league, you’d have to rewind all the way back to 23rd September, away at another “Borough” side … when Hampton & Richmond Borough were the narrow 1-0 mid-week winners.

What's in a name? 
… as Shakespeare’s Juliet asked us, rhetorically. Luckily, she avoided an embarrassing silence by providing the answer herself: “ That which we call a rose / By any other name would smell as sweet”. Aha!

Wiki tells us that Saturday's visitors were originally formed in 1933 under the name Roxonian F.C.  The next season saw them move into a new ground, the Earlsmead Stadium in South Harrow, where they still play, to this day. In the 1938-’39 season, they won the Spartan League Division Two West, under the changed name of Harrow Town F.C. In 1967, the club revised its name once again; this time to Harrow Borough F.C. – after which they were relegated to Athenian League Division Two and faced extinction. Perhaps that was just too many name changes, then? The eventual sale of their second pitch to the local council enabled the club to redevelop their stadium, survive off the pitch and continue to “smell as sweet”. Still on the subject of names, the Ryman Premier is not a league in which too much energy gets wasted over the matter of club nicknames. Harrow’s brace of them reconfirms this fact: “The Boro” and “The Reds”. Guess what colour shirts they wear.

Roxonian Harrow Town Harrow Borough (in red) defend an aerial attack from Enfield skipper Mark Kirby (white #5, centre) as the setting sun makes everything seem suddenly, topically(?), Turner-esque

The visitors’ manager, Dave Anderson, is an interesting character. A former goalkeeper who played for his home nation’s B-side, the Ulsterman had a youth career which took in Wolverhampton Wanderers and Sheffield United (both ‘status’ clubs, at that time); but his brief senior career was played out back home, at Glentoran & Bangor. In fact, his playing career was prematurely ended by injury, at the age of just 23. A long back-room and management career in non-league football ensued; and has seen him take in Enfield (the club from whose ‘ashes’ Enfield Town arose), Aylesbury United, St Albans City (twice), Harrow Borough (twice), Southall, North Greenford United, Hendon, AFC Wimbledon, Windsor and Eton, Northwood - and Slough Town. It would be fair to say that he knows his way around; but also fair to say that he has not exactly hit the highest heights, yet.

Before the game, Enfield Town found themselves in the unaccustomed surroundings of 10th place in the Ryman Premier League. At last they were looking UP the table more than DOWN it; being the league’s form team, with 4 wins and a draw in their last 5 league games – and with games ‘in hand’ over most of the teams above them. By comparison, Harrow Borough’s record in their last 5 games is 2 wins and 3 defeats; leaving them in 20th place, just one point above the dreaded drop-zone, so familiar in recent seasons to the Towners and their fans. Harrow have also played 2 more games than the team below them (Lewes) and have a worse GD. One could argue, then, that they are ideal opponents with whom Enfield should be asked to get their much-disrupted league season back on track. Although, to be fair to Harrow, they did also have a strong FA Cup run distraction, that saw them progress to the final qualifying round of matches -  before finally being beaten in extra time by Basingstoke Town of the league above them, the Conference South.

October saw Enfield harvest three wins and two draws in the league, including their impressive 3-1 home victory over title-chasing Margate. On the back of such form, it should come as little surprise to discover that Towners’ boss Bradley Quinton had won the Ryman Premier League's Manager of the Month award. As well as being presented with a framed certificate to mark the achievement, Brad will be 'measured up' for a bespoke new suit by the Surrey-based tailors who are sponsors of the awards. “Suits you, sir!”

Since October, Town have only managed to play just one league fixture – which they also won, breaking the normal MotM jinx - away at Kingstonian. So their return to home league action could really not have come quickly enough. The bookies had clearly followed those recent form statistics, regardless of any intervening delays. They were offering just 9/10 for a home win, 13/5 for a surprise away win and 14/5 the draw. I had suggested to my occasional match buddy, Glenn, that this would be a good game for him to get ‘back in the saddle’ with. He hasn't been along to the QEII for some time. I told him I was expecting a high-scoring home win; but that wasn't quite enough incentive to tempt him along – and who knew if I was going to be proved right, anyway?

Just over a month ago, Town's 3rd goal against Margate in that famous victory was scored by crowd favourite (CF) Liam Hope. With that strike, Hope overtook club stalwart Rudi Hall to become the Towners’ leading scorer, with 107 goals. Rudi's tally had included 56 penalties and taken him 351 games – but, in his defence, Hall did play in midfield rather than ‘up front’. Liam took just 230 games, less than two-thirds of Hall’s total - and his tally includes only 34 penalties... in doing so Hope has, incidentally, maintained a perfect, 100% penalty-taking record for the club. Naturally, as club record scorer and super-reliable "Mr. Penalties", for today’s match Hope was dropped to the bench. Joining him there from the starting line-up of that previous meeting between the two clubs was Ryan Doyle; while Ade Cole was out of the side entirely. Muscling their way in from that day’s bench were Stanley Muguo & Michael Kalu, along with striker Jon Constant (who has since joined from Maidenhead United) with fellow recent joiner Leon Antoine (from Witham Town) on the bench.

For their part, Harrow Borough’s line-up was drastically different from that October Cup game. Only the goal keeper (Jupp) plus Hall and Smith were retained, with Charles-Smith (that’s actually only one player) and Bryan stepping up from the bench. Latest signing Greg Ngoyi would also join them, along with 5 other new names. Meanwhile the club captain from that previous tie, Danny May, was nowhere to be seen. Proof that the beautiful game really does attract all sorts might be found in the fact that May’s brief Wiki profile carries a link to a 2009 news article in the Watford Observer: http://www.watfordobserver.co.uk/news/4451192.Sex_treatment_for_flashing_footballer/

This covers details of a sex-pest case: Wood Green Crown Court “imposed a three-year order on May. During that time May will be supervised by probation and must attend a sex offenders' treatment programme”. I won’t go further into the sordid details of the story. A former professional player with Northampton Town (before being axed by then Cobblers boss, Stuart Gray) May’s non-league career has included a spell with Enfield Town.

With seven others missing from Harrow’s cup match starting line-up, the visitors began the game looking very much like a group of strangers who might have been found straggling in the car park before the game; and been hastily cobbled together into something approaching a team. It is not a good sign when your club’s away support can be counted individually, from the far end of the ground – and using less than the sum of one person’s fingers and thumbs. So the presence of just nine (yes, 9!) Boro fans in the away end suggested there might be something awry at Harrow Borough FC, despite their excellent FA Cup run. For the record, there were no obvious signs of Chinese infiltration, amongst either the team or the fans. The total attendance of 330 was not a particularly large one; but it did consist almost exclusively of home fans. This number was marginally higher than Enfield’s lowest gate of the season to date (303). By way of a comparative benchmark, Enfield boasts the 7th highest average home attendance in the league (400) out of 24 clubs. That’s a +3.9% increase so far on last season. Harrow’s average is just 181 (up +1.1% YoY).

Enfield's Nathan Livings (#8, extreme right) floats a free-kick over the two-man Boro wall, with the main stand as an elegant, Art Deco backdrop.

On the pitch, Enfield enjoyed the majority of early possession and made the most of the Harrow players’ apparent lack of familiarity with each other. The match report on Harrow’s own website observed that “John Sonuga got away with a first minute challenge that many other referees would have awarded a penalty for”; but that was pretty much where the visitors’ luck began and ended. After Enfield had launched wave upon wave of early attacks, in the fourth minute Nathan Livings reacted first to reach a loose ball from a blocked shot, to score the game’s first goal, with a low drive. Within 4 minutes Tyler Campbell played a ball across the six-yard box for Jon Constant to finish from close range. Worryingly for Liam Hope, Constant seems to be finding the surroundings at Enfield Town to his liking. He would go on to win the Man-Of-The Match award.

Buoyed by their team’s uncharacteristically feisty and successful start, after 15 minutes the home fans had switched from goading the limited numbers of the away support (“Is – that all – you take - a way?”; “Shall – we sing – a song – for you?”) to commenting on the apparent gulf in class between the two sides (“We’re – just – too good – for you!”). In truth, though, despite continued dominance of possession and territory, Enfield were struggling to make their advantage pay off further. Towners supporters switched their focus to celebrate their attendance in numbers, despite the Xmas shopping season, with: “You can stick your Christmas shopping up you’re a*se!” (to the tune of “She’ll be coming round the mountain) and a ribald variation on “Away in a Manger”. Plenty of toil and huff and puff produced no more Enfield goals; but a string of fine saves by Harrow’s Jupp. As the whistle went for half-time, it was difficult to believe that Enfield had not built further upon their excellent start; something they might well rue by the end of the next 45 minutes.

Among the musical selections played over the public address system during the break was Chubby Checker’s “The Twist”. Harrow’s boss, Dave Anderson, took the hint and made a couple of substitutions at the interval; but with little resultant impact on the balance of play. Enfield carried on where they had left off and repeated the early pressure of the first period. Brad’s half-time analysis must have been stinging their ears. In the 50th minute, a quickly-taken Town free kick inside their own half was sent long. Tyler Campbell raced onto the through-ball, neatly side-stepped the rapidly advancing ‘keeper, went left and tapped in from close-range.

Almost faster than the human eye (or camera lens) could blink: Campbell (extreme right) rounds the advancing Jupp, before slotting home Town's 3rd.

In the next minute Campbell turned provider, when he cut back a low ball from the left for Constant to notch his second, from 4 yards out, sending Jupp the wrong way. It made the score 4-0; and the game was, effectively, over as a competition. Harrow had only pride left to play for; and even that soon proved a fruitless task.

The back of the Harrow net ripples to signify completion of Jon Constant's 'brace' in the bottom corner (as he watches on, centre): 4-0.

In the 64th minute, Michael Kalu seemed to select a sand-wedge to flight a tempting, floated ball into the box. Phil Kane accepted the kind invitation and majestically headed home Enfield’s fifth, with power.Shortly afterwards, Liam Hope and then Neil Cousins joined the fray (for Corey Whitely and Jon Constant) hoping to get in the goal-scoring action. Finally, Livings made way for another new recruit up front, Leon Antoine, after 80 minutes.

Phil Kane's powerful header from distance, en route above a crowd of players to the top right corner of Jupp's goal. Enfield Town go "nap": 5-0. 

There were to be no further goals, however. That's sometimes the trouble with having a "nap". Towners fans would have to make do with just the five. Until Tuesday night, at least, when they entertain Peacehaven & Telscombe - who have managed just one win on their travels this season, in nine attempts. Crazy club name: crazy away form – and, whilst still on the subject of names: can you guess what colours “The Magpies” play in?

Enfield survived their seventh consecutive league game without defeat and climbed up to 8th place in the table, leaving Brad Quinton to talk down their chances of a play-off place. Harrow remained in 20th; but they will need to improve rapidly, if they are to avoid a relegation dogfight, after Christmas. I was right about the high-scoring home win; and Glenn had missed out on what turned out to be a humdinger. For Enfield fans, at least.

Long after the final whistle had gone, Harrow Borough’s club web site carried a scathing attack on its own team, masquerading as a match report: “this performance, totally pitiful and even more abysmal … than those September shockers against Wingate, Hampton and Hornchurch”. Maybe someone should tell the report's author that most of September’s team has disappeared; evaporated into thin air; to be replaced by a strangers XI … or maybe they were body-snatchers? In which case, perhaps, we should perhaps not be too surprised, after all, by the meagre away support following them.

Twins? Harrow Borough in "Possible body-snatchers" shock: the evidence is in their not-FA-approved 'alien' mirror-numbering system? Is it a sign "they" are among us?

By contrast, Enfield’s website carried a tweet that could boast “as comfortable a victory as we've ever had at this level” – which spoke volumes both for the opposition and for the tremendous job award-winning Brad Quinton has done since taking over the reins of a struggling side from former manager George Borg. The league table format shows each club’s last five results. Enfield’s form record now shows a row of five green boxes, each one containing a gleaming, white, capital “W” for "Win". Bootiful! Which suggests that this may not be the best time for The Magpies to have to fly North from the South Coast, to Donkey Lane.  I'll be there to bring you all the latest club news; so Come on, You Towners!

ENFIELD TOWN: Nathan McDonald, Jordan Lockie, Phil Kane, Taylor Hastings, Mark Kirby, Stanley Muguo (booked, 84 mins), Tyler Campbell, Nathan Livings (sub Leon Antoine, 77 mins), Corey Whiteley (sub Liam Hope, 62 mins), Jonathan Constant (sub Neil Cousins, 69 mins), Michael Kalu. Unused subs: Jamie Smyth, Ryan Doyle.
HARROW BOROUGH: Nick Jupp, Howard Hall (booked, 53 mins), Julian Smith, Anthony Maissiat (sub Sekou Kaba, h-t), Michael Peacock, John Sonuga, Jerome Walker (sub Kamaron English, h-t), Harold Odametey, Marc Charles-Smith, Greg Ngoyi (sub Daniel Dyer, 72 mins), Michael Bryan. Unused subs: Jake Gilbert, David Taylor

The Magic of the League Cup Fourth Round - Fulham versus Derby County (Tuesday 28 OCTOBER, 2014)

It is Sunday as I write - the 2nd of November. I have been procrastinating over writing up a match report from last Tuesday for nearly five days, now. The game in question is already starting to fade in my memory. So why have I not been able to bring myself to write about it yet? I have been busy with other things, for sure; but that is normally the case, after I’ve been to see a game; and it has never stopped me in recent months from generously sharing my thoughts and experiences with a small band of ardent sports fans via this blog page. Why should this last match have proved any different? Why should I have allowed an entire round of Championship matches to have been played before putting pen to paper – or, more accurately, fingers to keyboard? I fear it might be as a result of a creeping apathy spread by a lack of coverage from the national and mainstream media, of games that do not feature the Premier League’s top 6 sides. In some ways that’s fair enough, I guess; although it excludes a lot of games from the national, sporting zeitgeist. It could form the subject of a whole other post. On reflection, I have finally taken this fact, of Fulham's new, lower profile existence, not as a justification for continued apathy on my part; but, instead, as a signal for renewed vigour in my local reportage. With apologies for the unexpected, untypical & untoward delay in providing it.

Where, then, to start this week’s circuitous sermon on soccer-related matters? With Kit Symons appointment as the latest ‘permanaent’ manager of Fulham Football Club, perhaps? With detailed ruminations on the minutiae of the 90 minute encounter? Or with philosophical musings on the parallels between football and (‘real') life? No, not with any of these; but with half a roasted chicken, with chips, salad and a pint of Hacker-Pschorr’s finest German lager.

Oompah, Pa! A friendly fräulein serves litre-sized chilled Maßkrüge of Hacker-Pschorr beer, at 2011's Munich Oktoberfest. Ah, so "THAT's how it goes!"

For it was, indeed, at The Oktoberfest pub on the Fulham Road that I had arranged to meet my older brother, Kevin, before the game - the point at which my 'story' starts. I have been to see just one Fulham match with Kevin in the last 30 or so years. That coming together was for a fateful FA Cup match in February of this year, which turned out to be memorable for all the wrong reasons; for Kevin, for me and for René Meulensteen (see my previous post, elsewhere on this blog page:  “Once Were Warriors - Fulham FC vs. Sheffield United FC ... the magic of the F. A. Cup” - 4/2/14). That game had featured a bizarre team selection by Meulensteen; and ever bizarre-er substitutions: Fulham ending the game without a recognised striker on the pitch, without a place in the next round and soon to be without their manager. Obviously no Fulham manager would ever make the mistake of under-estimating their cup opposition (and the opportunity for an extended cup run) ever again, right?

The rare nature of my sightings of the Greater Harney at Fulham FC is despite the fact it is entirely HIS fault that I follow West London’s finest (and the whole of London’s oldest) professional football club, at all. It was on one scorching, soar-away, Summer Saturday afternoon - 11th September 1976 - that my affiliative fate was sealed. That’s when Kevin took me along to an early season second tier game at Craven Cottage – my first ever professional match. It was a 0 – 0 draw between Fulham & Wolves; but it was a 'good' and exciting 0-0 draw, with great goal keepers in form for both sides (Peter Mellor and Gary Pierce?). It also turned out to be the featured game on “Match of the Day” that night. Fulham fielded Bobby Moore, George Best and Rodney Marsh, amongst others. Wolves also featured a comparatively star-studded line-up. I was hooked; but it was Wolves who went on to gain promotion back to the top flight that year, as division champions, while Fulham floundered in the lower divisions for a further 24 years.

By Tuesday last week, a lot of water, beer, chicken and chips, relegations, promotions and club managers had all passed under the Craven Cottage ‘bridge’ - along with a near-extinction and a spell spent far too close for comfort to the foot of the Football League - since that memorable day in 1976. Steve McClaren's Derby County had come a-calling, along with a couple of thousand of their noisier fans, to compete for a place in the quarter finals of the League Cup; under the floodlights, down by the riverbank.

It is contended by some foolhardy football "fans" that 'concentrating on the league' takes precedence these days over the 'tin-pot' cup tournaments that have now become so devalued by the recent concentration given by so-called 'bigger clubs' to the more lucrative Premier League and European competitions. Let me be clear on one thing, at least. As you may have guessed, I feel this is a misguided view; and it is certainly one to which I do NOT subscribe. I have an old-fashioned belief that if your club enters a competition, it should attempt to go on and win said competition, to the best of its ability; not least when a place in a European tournament is potentially up for grabs. A belief that a club's priority should be, at ALL times, to entertain and reward its loyal, fee-paying fan-base with positive intent and winning football, wherever and whenever possible. Let the clubs who think they are 'too big' for domestic cups eat cake. These days, Fulham is a 'smaller' club, with fewer chances of glory and 'smaller' ambitions than in recent memory. Is it really as recently as 2010 that Fulham FC were runners up in the Europa League? Bested only by an Atlético Madrid side which featured David De Gea, José Antonio Reyes, Raúl García, Simão, Diego Forlán, Sergio Agüero, Joel Robles and others? And beaten only by a cruel extra time winner? If so, it now matters not a jot. My little London club can no longer swagger with the arrogance of a top tier team. Nor can it ignore or dismiss the value to its fans of the opportunities provided by domestic cup tournaments. How good it would be, I thought aloud to myself before the game, to go through and earn a home draw against our noise-less Blue neighbours in the next round (Daily Telegraph headline: "Jose Mourinho: fans are so quiet it feels like we are playing in an empty stadium at Stamford Bridge"). A headline in the sports section of that afternoon's London "Evening Standard" was, however, already making me reassess the chances of such a coveted event occurring: "Fulham are three wins from Wembley, but Championship survival is priority says Kit Symons". In the article which followed, quotes from Symons made it clear he was going to field a significantly weakened side for the night's clash; whilst disingenuously claiming "I’ll always select a team I believe can go out and win the game”. It would seem, from the mediocre gate of just over 15,000 hardy souls (including a decent away turn-out) that the locals had caught wind of Kit's plans early. Earlier than me, at least. Did Fulham's caretaker-manager REALLY see cup success and relegation as his two main competing options?

It would, surely, take quite a team to go out and beat the current league leaders; a visiting side who had already racked up a 5-1 home victory over Fulham back in August. Symons intimated his belief that McClaren would also make changes; but this was to be a matter of comparative degree; and it is worth examining the arising details, as a way of understanding just how debased domestic English knockout cup competitions have become. In the previous round, Norwich City had fielded an entirely changed starting XI from their previous league fixture - and paid the price by falling on their collective swords to 'giant-killing' Shrewsbury Town. For this fixture, McClaren had imposed 5 changes on his starting Derby side; although, tellingly, all 5 of those change players had come from his substitutes' bench in that previous game. Meanwhile, Kit Symons made 8 changes to Fulham's starting line-up; although, again tellingly, four of these had NOT featured at all in the squad selected for their previous game. That was an awful lot of inexperience with which to take on the Championship's leading side and a stern test of the depth of Fulham's squad. One name neatly summed up Symons approach to this cup tie: Stephen Arthurworrey. The 20 year-old Londoner was chosen to make a club debut so surprising that his name didn't even feature in the list of available players, as published on the back cover of the programme. Worthy though he may prove to be (and I wish him every success in his Fulham career development) it seemed to be a decision at club level arguably right up there with Sven taking an untried, 16 year-old, Theo Walcott to the 2006 World Cup (TM) finals in Germany; or Fabio's NOT taking him to the 2010 finals in South Africa. Hmmmmmm. I was unimpressed by this portent; and the muted cheer of the home fans at the announcement of his debut spoke volumes, as my brother tried to spell out on the back of his programme "A-R-T-H-U ..." with the help of a home fan sitting the other side of him. I was barely interested enough to try and help - 'nuff said!

Bryan Ruiz, head bowed, avoiding eye contact, leads out a team of comparative strangers to take on the table-topping "Rams" of Derby County, in front of expectant away fans

The comedic tone of the encounter was amplified by the appearance of Gabor Kiraly in his trademark clown's saggy, grey tracky botts (see centre, above) - or 'pajamas', as we also like to call them, in Enfield. That tone was also underlined by the 'Keystone' arrangement of Fulham's defensive duties. Against a team with known strength 'out wide', we set up to play the narrowest (and youngest!) possible shape at the back. So much so that our callow left-back, Kavanagh, frequently found himself admiring from a distance a Curate's Egg display ("good in-parts") of wing-play, from Derby's potent threat, Cyrus Christie. The latter ran at Fulham, at will, for most of the 90 minutes. A big, strong physique; a sharp acceleration; and powerful determination. All these assets will be useful attributes in a successful playing career - if only young Cyrus can learn to cross a ball to where his team-mates are actually lurking with intent. Further humour was introduced, as if any more were needed, by a linesman huffing and puffing 5 yards behind the play and failing to see an obvious offside in an early Derby attack which, fortunately for all concerned, came to naught. It may have reminded the Fulham faithful that the Premier League quality of officiating against which they had railed so hard and so very recently (i.e. last season) was fast becoming a fading, distant memory - and was only now appreciated for what it truly had been: a thing of comparative, ethereal beauty. Be careful what you wish for!

Given Symons bold determination to field and blood a young and inexperienced side, and to test the leadership qualities of his cub scout troop Arkela, Bryan Ruiz, it was impressive enough that Fulham were at first able to keep the (admittedly rather wayward) Rams' attack at bay. Amazingly, things got better still with Fulham's opening goal after 26 minutes - broadly against the run of play. Without looking up to check for the all-clear, Derby's Craig Forsyth played a foolhardy back-pass towards his stand-in 'keeper Kelle Roos. This allowed the ever-alert and partially concealed lone striker, eighteen year-old Moussa Dembélé (no, not THAT Moussa Dembélé!) to collect it, go round the stranded 'keeper with a deft flick of the outside of his right boot and score with a simple side-footed finish from 9 yards out, into an empty net. The previously noisy away end was suddenly stunned into a brief silence; and more than a little 'sheepishness'. Derby maintained their dominance and pressure, though, despite this setback. Soon afterwards, in the space of 3 minutes, Johnny Russell had two good chances to level the score. First he struck a left-footed curling effort just wide, across goal from the right-hand edge of Fulham's area. Then, with 6 minutes of the half remaining, he failed to beat Kiraly from the right hand corner of the 6-yard box, driving the ball into the goalie's chest, as the latter stayed on his feet and 'made himself big'.

These were looking like potentially costly misses for Derby, as soon as the 44th minute, when Omar Mascarell dallied in the centre on a short-ball received, unwelcomed, from Roos. His hesitancy at the back allowed a pack of hungry Fulham 'cubs' to descend on him rapidly from 3 different directions. Ruiz got the all-important toe on the ball which put Dembélé (no, not THAT Dembélé!) in the clear, to slide a right-footed finish between Roos and his near post from just right of centre. The BBC's highlights commentator had called Dembélé's first goal "the easiest he's ever likely to score". The youngster's second goal cast some doubt on that claim. The somewhat surprising scoreline read: Moussa Dembélé 2 - Derby County 0. The doubly-stunned Rams may now been awaiting the final blow from a penetrating captive bolt.

Dembélé awaits the re-start, after single-handedly going 2-0 up against Derby

It was a threatened blow that just never came, though. Ultimately, there was barely even time. It wouldn't, after all, be a truly Fulham-ish performance if somebody didn't try to f*ck everything up completely, would it? This week it was the turn of Tim Hoogland to do the honours. Eagle-eyed stats lovers may have noticed that, before this game, the central defender had played in more Fulham defeats than in wins and draws combined. There was, perhaps, a small clue in that pattern; but nothing could have prepared the casual observer for what was to follow. With just 3 seconds of first-half added time left to play, Tiny Tim decided to try slam-dunking the ball over his own cross bar. He failed; but did manage to set up a clear, obvious and mystifying penalty for Derby, which was despatched high into the net, by a grateful Chris Martin, with the final kick of the half. It was a successful strike which would entirely alter the momentum of the match - and the balance of the second half's play. Several 'fans' sitting near me had previously set off early for the bar; and consequently had missed two-thirds of the first-half's goal tally: Fulham 2 - Derby County 1.

Kiraly gets ready for bed, while Chris Martin prepares to tuck away an early German Christmas present, donated charitably by the hapless Hoogland

Symons later claimed that Fulham were "probably the better team in the first half". He was probably wrong; or drunk; or perhaps he'd just been re-watching highlights of Friday's league victory over Charlton and got his games confused. Either way, it didn't matter. Derby were given the appropriate managerial 'encouragement' at half-time, emerged early for some additional warm-up routines, and looked the readier of the two sides at the start of the second half. Within 2 minutes, their preparations had paid off and they were level, as Russell ran onto a loose ball that Arthurworrey ought to have dealt with easily near his own goal-line, finishing with power through a crowd of players from 8 yards. It should have been interesting to see how Fulham's youngsters coped and grew in confidence despite the renewed pressure from Derby. It SHOULD have been; but it wasn't. Instead, it was just painful to watch. Within a further 18 minutes, Derby had wrapped the game up with 3 more goals that were far too easily conceded by a ragged and poorly-structured Fulham defence. FIVE goals without answer in just 20 minutes of play had turned the tie back the right way up, after it had briefly spent some time on its head. Truly a case of 'boys against men'. The details are more or less irrelevant; although credit should go to Dawkins for his 11-minute brace of note and no little finesse. His two-goal spree split only by Hendricks's powerful short-range finish, when left with too much space inside the 6-yard box. There was little remaining threat from Fulham. With the game all but lost already, Symons made some largely ineffective substitutions; at least sparing a couple of his younger players some of the ongoing pain of this drubbing. Home fans had already started streaming for the exit gates, while the away supporters stress-tested the integrity of the Putney End structure with a two-thousand-man bounce which lasted nearly half an hour. "Is - There - A - Fi - Yer - Drilllll?" they sang, with glee, at the backs of the departing home fans (to the familiar air of Verdi's "La Donna è Mobile" - they're cultured fans, those Derby-ites). McCormack's introduction did bring renewed energy to Fulham's forward line, demonstrating that an earlier introduction of a 2-man attack might have produced a different outcome. He was held back blatantly via a fistful of the back of his shirt, on 79 minutes, when clear through into the box; but the (same) ineffectual linesman pretended to have seen no infringement (again!) - instead, merely continuing his erratic but entertaining sideways polka, up and down the touch-line; an uninterested spectator.

Ruiz (white #10) sends in another hopeful cross for the outgunned McCormack, late in the game; while the "unobstructed view" from the  (Grade II* listed) Johnny Haynes stand gets a stress test of its very own by the Trade Descriptions Act

A lot of fans' criticism has since been levelled at Kirally for his supposedly poor positioning and lack of dominance in his own box; but these are churlish grumbles. He had kept a clean sheet against all the odds in the first half, despite the best efforts of his narrow, inexperienced and crumbling defence to undermine him; and he was powerless to halt the irresistible force of Derby's insistent attack in the second half. Derby's first was the result of a hare-brained handball; their second, a criminal mis-kick by Arthurworrey. The third came, un-sighted and from distance, after Hoogland's (yes, him again!) failure to track Dawkins' run closely enough into the edge of the penalty area. The fourth saw an unmarked Hendricks get an unchallenged, free touch inside the 6-yard box, before crashing one in for fun. The fifth came from a poor, mistimed, lazy clearance by Kavanagh, wide on Fulham's left, followed by a clever Russell cross and subsequent sublime, Dawkins back-heeled flick. None of them were directly Kirally's fault. His only blame appeared to lie in having previously played in goal under Felix Magath in consecutive away defeats, against Reading and Forest - conceding eight goals in the process. His reputation is already firmly forged in some minds, despite any annoying facts which might apply to these results and get awkwardly in the way of a lazy interpretation; and that MUST be his fault. No? The evening's match statistics told an irrefutable tale of Derby dominance that no goal keeper could single-handedly withstand forever: more possession; more shots; more shots on target, more corners; more class!

After the game, James Riach of The Guardian opined “If Shahid Khan and Fulham’s powers that be are after entertainment, then Kit Symons may have the managerial job sewn up.” It was the fallacious view of a neutral. A big score-line, as most true football fans know only too well, does not automatically demonstrate or dictate a high level of entertainment value; as the sight of the departing black and white hordes testified all too clearly. Symons tactical nous was shown to be suspect; and his strategic naiveté in 'focussing on the league' was all too apparent. But those 'powers that be' had already previously seen enough; and Symons's confirmation as the club's new 'permanent' manager was not long in coming, following this defeat. Presumably he had already known that he had the position sewn up. Otherwise, why would he have been claiming a focus on 'the long game' in sending out a second - maybe even a third(?) - string side?

Later,  Steve McClaren observed that "football has a habit of chopping you off at the knees”; and "The Wally with a Brolly" is, surely, a man who knows whereof he speaks. To prove to me his words were sound, Derby found that their winning efforts had earned them MY dream quarter-final berth: a home tie against Chelsea, just before Christmas. Alas, 'Santa' Hoogland will not be in the mix for that one, though.

Elsewhere, Margate FC were, simultaneously, discovering the truth of Uncle Steve's footballing wisdom; as they succumbed against my local, non-league, 'second' side, Enfield Town, to a perhaps(?) slightly unexpected 3-1 away margin of defeat. Outgunned and out-smurfed, the table-topping Kent side had to endure their fate without my knowing, gloating approval; since my normal, Hermione Granger-like sporting omni-presence and ubiquity had let me down at the vital last moment of this unwanted fixture clash.

Oh, and the truth about my delayed write-up might, after all, if truth indeed be told, also have a little something to do with my feeling 'gutted' and let down by the newly confirmed club manager's match prioritisation strategy. I had so wanted that cup run to last; and, against a weakened Derby selection, in a round where Bournemouth saw off West Brom and Newcastle saw off Man City AWAY, it might have been achievable ... if only "we" had wanted it enough. I will have been proved wrong and foolish, of course, should Fulham defy the odds and secure promotion back to the top flight at the end of this Championship year, despite our shambolic start to the season. I'll happily live with that shame, if it should come to pass. We small club fans live in hope, as ever, it seems.

As the roar of the (away) crowd faded; as attendants swept up the discarded tickets, betting slips, match programmes and other post-game debris; as the floodlights finally went out on the busy ground- staff, repairing the offended pitch; as the sickly smell of hot dogs and dodgy pies partially receded; and as I grudgingly, trudgingly set off for Hammersmith tube station and the reluctant journey home; it was then that some well-worn lines, written long ago by an old friend of mine, came back to haunt my disappointingly-expired Cup dreams:

Our revels now are ended. These our actors,
As I foretold you, were all spirits, and
Are melted into air, into thin air:
And like the baseless fabric of this vision,
The cloud-capp'd tow'rs ... shall dissolve,
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on; and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.

It was, after all, just another bad (League Cup) dream; and soon melted into thin air! Perhaps Kit had been right all along?

LINEUP, BOOKINGS (2) & SUBSTITUTIONS (6) - courtesy of BBC Sport

Fulham

• 01 Kiraly
• 02 Hoogland
• 04 Hutchinson
• 13 Zverotic
• 32 Kavanagh
• 28 Hyndman
• 14 Roberts (McCormack - 72' )
• 27 Williams (David - 72' )
• 31 Arthurworrey
• 10 Ruiz (Eisfeld - 86' )
• 25 Dembele

Substitutes

• 03 Stafylidis
• 07 Eisfeld
• 08 Parker
• 30 David
• 33 Burn
• 40 Bettinelli
• 44 McCormack

Derby County

• 21 Roos
• 02 Christie
• 06 Keogh
• 05 Buxton Booked
• 03 Forsyth
• 33 Mascarell Booked (Coutts - 69' )
• 08 Hendrick
• 04 Bryson (Hughes - 77' )
• 11 Russell
• 09 Martin
• 07 Dawkins (Ibe - 75' )

Substitutes

• 12 Naylor
• 16 Coutts
• 19 Hughes
• 27 Calero
• 29 Thomas
• 35 Mitchell
• 44 Ibe

Ref: Graham Scott

Att: 15,156

Of Badgers, Canaries, Vultures ... and Groundhogs?

Perhaps Tennyson would have been a Fulham fan, if he'd lived a century later. As I strolled along the bank of the shimmering Thames, from Hammersmith towards The Crabtree public house, this Saturday lunchtime, I mulled that idea over; whilst some well-worn lines of Alf's - and the inspiring view, shared below - exercised my mind:

On either side the river lie
Long fields of barley and of rye,
That clothe the wold and meet the sky;
And thro' the field the road runs by ...
Willows whiten, aspens quiver,
Little breezes dusk and shiver
Thro' the wave that runs for ever
By the island in the river
Flowing down to Craven Cottage.
Four great walls, and four grey towers,
Overlooking football prowess.

As the floodlight towers of Craven Cottage's footballing Camelot floated magically in the distance, just above the horizon, centre-left, I knew already, instinctively, that those thoughts were about as poetic as the day's events were likely to get. There was a distinct absence "of barley and of rye", "yellow-leaved waterlily" and "green-sheathed daffodilly" and, for sure, "the sedge has withered from the lake", if I may be so bold as to mix my metrical metaphors, momentarily. After all, John Keats would, surely, have been a black-and-whites fan too, had he also lived a century or two later.

Just around the corner from this spot, I found Joe already at the bar of The Crabtree, "palely loitering" at the front of a four-deep crowd of clamouring punters. He was thirsty and hot enough (presumably from the hand-to-hand combat of fighting his way to the front of the queue and getting served) to buy himself two pints. My (single) pint of Guinness provided an easy black-and-white distraction from earlier, loftier black-and-white thoughts - and brought me back to the business at hand,

Before we commenced a final trudge towards the ground, a healthy crowd of friends and acquaintances had gathered, all-too-briefly, in the pub garden, 'near the big umbrella' - as Mike's text had described the spot. A mixture of Norwich (Mike and his son - plus Gary, who'd travelled up from the Isle of White) of Fulham (me, David and his son) and a neutral (Spurs fan Joe) set about tackling some of the bigger footballing questions of the day, over the first few drinks of the day:
Why were we each followers of our respective teams?
Was Mike really determined to inflict lifelong misery and pain on his 7-year-old son?
Could Norwich break a 28-year old hoodoo jinx of failing to beat their bogey team?
Would the threatened October rain hold off?
Who had endured the lousiest journey to the pub? The answer to this last was, incidentally, probably Garry (who'd been held up whilst using trains and boats, though he'd drawn the line at 'planes) rather than Joe (who merely claimed to have got out of the cab that was bringing him to the pub, when what should have been a friendly chat about football escalated unexpectedly into the (Gooner) cabby announcing, repeatedly, that Spurs were "rubbish"). The truth sometimes hurts. As can a long and unexpected walk.

The seven of us split into 3 separate groups to find our respective seats in different areas of the ground. I would sit with Mike and Tom, as I had for the last match between these sides. That was Tom's first ever game, on 12th April, when 25,028 had watched a narrow 1-0 Premier League win by a poor Fulham side over a slightly less poor Norwich side. This time only 20,776 (17% fewer) had made the same mistake, of turning up in SW6 to witness the action; with both sides now playing Championship football. Or, in Fulham's case at least, trying to do so. Of Fulham's starting line-up in that previous game, only Colombian international Hugo Rodallega had survived to play again - although Costa Rican international Bryan Ruiz and former England international Scott Parker, each of whom started this time, were both also important squad members for the club at the time of that last fixture. Meanwhile, Norwich started with no less than seven players who had featured in that previous meeting.

It is a measure of how these two sides have fared in the intervening 8 months (and, perhaps, of the consistency provided by greater continuity in one of the clubs) that Norwich started the day at the top of the table; while Fulham were 22nd - out of 24 teams. Although the away side had, despite that gulf between the two teams' positions in the current table, famously failed to register a win against Fulham in a run of matches consisting of 16 meetings in all competitions over a 28-year period - including 4 last season, alone. It would have been easy to make a lazy assumption about the likely result this time, expecting a break in that poor Norwich barren spell, after looking at the teams' respective recent records. Yes, Norwich had the league's most prolific front line (21 goals 'for' in 11 games); and yes, Fulham had the Championship's leakiest defence (22 goals 'against'). The bookies had taken note and made Norwich firm favourites - BUT Norwich had won only one of their previous five games in all competitions, while Fulham had won 3 of their last 4 games and had also demonstrated a significant upturn in form (especially at the back) since the appointment of popular caretaker-manager Kit Symons. At home they had conceded just four goals in the last 5 league games. Perhaps the lazy bookies hadn't noticed this, since they didn't even fancy a draw.

"Are you ready to rumble, Sir Lancelot?" Kick-off at Camelot.

The game started at a hectic pace, though with a notable absence of finesse. Norwich had the upper hand in early exchanges. When, by the 6th minute, their travelling fans sang "On The Ball, City", the lyric seemed apt for the style of play being demonstrated by both sides: "Kick off, throw in, have a little scrimmage / Keep it low, a splendid rush". Play was fragmented by fouls, frustrating off-sides and a 10th-minute injury to Hoogland (who would last just another 10 minutes before being replaced). As expected, things were not overly poetic. Thirty English Pounds Sterling was starting to look like a high price to have paid for the 'entertainment' now unfolding. As the away fans asked "Is this a Lie - Bre - Ree?" (to the tune of Verdi's "La Donna è Mobile" - those Norwich fans are proper Culture Vultures, not just Canaries) the more erudite home fans might have wished that there were, indeed, a few books on hand to borrow, and to help pass the time.

Despite a significant possession advantage, the BBC later noted (with their normal, malevolent relish) that Norwich "failed to force a single meaningful save from Fulham goalkeeper Marcus Bettinelli in the first period". The home side had laid out their stall early: an attritional approach; staying mostly deep, inviting the visitors to come onto them; and threatening on the break. After 15 minutes, Norwich received clear warning of the potential danger posed by this approach. Parker stole the ball off Hoolahan on the right of midfield, on the half-way line, and released it a few yards wider for Hoogland to feed Lasse Vigen Christensen - who is billed as "one of Denmark’s most promising young players" (and who, coincidentally, made his First Team debut for Fulham in the first leg of the FA Cup tie at Carrow Road, Norwich, in January). Christensen quickly fed Rodallega - who was inside and forward of him, on the right of centre. Hugo cleverly disguised his step-over and left the ball for record signing Ross McCormack. The Colombian then sprinted forward into space to receive and return a defence-splitting 1-2 with his Scottish international team-mate. whose right-footed shot looped up and away, into the Norwich fans, via the desperate blocking tackle of Russell Martin. Other yellow-shirted players, with less awareness, were left disorientated by Fulham's quick and clever movement.

Just six minutes later, another break on the right by the home side saw Christensen dispossess Hoolahan and feed Parker. Rodallega collected yet another well-judged pass from Parker, on the run, just inside the Norwich half. This time the Colombian held up the ball and eventually cut inside. It looked for all the world like he'd made the wrong choice and wasted the opportunity; but he'd drawn the defensive cover of Alexander Tettey towards him before releasing a sideways pass left across the middle into space for Christensen, who had covered a lot of ground at pace to make himself available. The Great Dane repeated Hugo's trick: dwelling on the ball momentarily to draw the covering Martin, before sending a 'slide-rule pass' further left for Sean Kavanagh - just as McCormack made a clever, conspicuous, darting run into the middle, which drew right back Steven Whittaker out of position and away from the danger area. Kavanagh consequently received the ball in acres of space. He took a single, cushioned, forward touch, looked up, gauged his range and bided his time, Then the young Dubliner rocketed a sweet left-foot strike, low between the recovering Whittaker and the lunging Dawson; and, critically, beyond the sprawling Ruddy, to finish the elegant, sweeping move with his first senior club goal, in only his 5th appearance. Bosh: 1-0. A score against the balance of possession, perhaps; but hardly against the run of play.

When the anticipated rain finally arrived, after 36 minutes, sending fans from the uncovered areas of the ground scurrying in search of the few remaining unfilled, dry spaces, it was the most excitement we'd seen since the goal; but more was to follow. The smallest man on the pitch, Wes Hoolahan, was called upon twice in the space of a minute to clear goal-bound efforts off the line; the second from a powerful Dan Burn glancing header, after a Ruiz corner, whipped in from Fulham's right. Norwich had done well to maintain just a one-goal deficit, for all their possession advantage.

And so to the half-time break, during which I noticed one of the "VIP"s on the Craven Cottage balcony basking in the faint glory of a passable impression of Daniel Craig - or his dad. It reminded me of the bloke in the White Swan pub on Mill Road, in Cambridge, back in the mid-1980's. He always did his best to look like a low-rent Michael Caine, wore Harry Palmer spectacles, smoked ostentatiously and would give anyone who offered him an enquiring glance a conspiratorial look in return, which seemed to say "yes it IS me, but don't let on - no unwanted publicity, please"; but I digress slightly.

Just 31 seconds after the restart, Cameron Jerome put in his own dramatic performance, tumbling in the penalty area after receiving a pass from Tettey. The slightest of physical contact had caused his legs to buckle and cease functioning, as he went down like the proverbial sack of potatoes / ton of bricks, under a challenge from Giraffe-like Dan Burn. Rather than the expected yellow card for Jerome's 'simulation', a dubious penalty was awarded. Although, conspicuously, no card was shown to Burn for the supposed 'offence', The latter was clearly both astonished and crest-fallen at the referee's decision. Grabban, who had played little positive part in the action so far, placed the ball on the spot and stepped up from distance to strike a right-foot effort with confidence and power ... against the left-side of the cross bar and back out to safety.

"Oops!" Grabban leans back to leather the ball (& Norwich's chance of equalising) against the wood-work. Karma for the (rightly?) aggrieved home side and fans.

A lot of fuss and bluster ensued for the next 45 minutes; mostly with Fulham defending their slender advantage. Neil Adams was forced to replace the injured Hoolahan and chose to remove the ineffective Grabban; but he left on Bradley Johnson, who had the most error-strewn game of anybody. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Adams was unable to find the key to the locked back door at Craven Cottage; but, in his defence, he was missing Northern Ireland hero Lafferty as an attacking option off the bench. Hooper added energy to the front line and Murphy brought pace and guile. The Guardian later claimed that "Johnson’s drive was the closest Norwich came to making amends for Grabban’s miss". They were, as is so often the case, wrong; although, to be fair, fed intelligently by Tettey, Johnson's 71st minute, left-footed, 25-yard effort from a well-worked space, just to left of centre, was quite close. After 80 minutes, substitute Josh Murphy cut in from his wide-left position, smashing a speculative right-footed effort from the corner of the penalty area against the crossbar, with Bettinelli well beaten. That was closer still. Could Fulham continue to hold out? There was still time for a couple of Fulham bookings and their 'keeper was lucky not to also be penalised, for frequent time-wasting. Time enough, too, for a series of Norwich corners and free-kicks and a half-chance header, half-unexpected and seen late at the far post by Michael Turner, from a Redmond cross.

As the final whistle went, many of the Norwich side bolted straight for the players' tunnel exit, just as many of their fans bolted for the congested exits of the Putney End. No doubt they felt frustrated by the result. Perhaps their 62% of possession left them feeling they had deserved more from the game; but 3 on-target efforts to 1 in Fulham's favour spoke volumes about their blunt attack, albeit with two strikes against the woodwork. Scott Parker summed up the home side's view with a welcome economy of words: "it's a bit of a cliché; but we showed some good character ... we probably didn't play as well as we could have done. At times we rushed our passing and never had control of the game; but we showed our fighting spirit. We've come off the pitch not playing nicely and not being a spectacle for our home fans ... but we looked very solid". The home fans may well have sought better entertainment; but Fulham's start to the season, under Felix Magath, had been SO bad that this win was still not enough to lift them out of the relegation zone. They should not, then, be too fussy; happy with three valuable points, which now leave Fulham just 10 points shy of the play-off places, after completing the first of a scheduled 7 games in 21 days. As Mike grabbed up his wilting (and still win-less) son to head straight for the tube, it was time for others to repair to The Crabtree for some well-informed post-match analysis.

Saturday's motley menagerie
   

So the Badgers beat the bemused Canaries, once again ... courtesy of Norwich's very own "Groundhog Day". Will it forever be the 2nd of February, every time these two teams meet? I do hope so - roll on 29 years!

Fulham (4-4-2 (Diamond))

• 40Marcus Bettinelli
• 2Tim Hoogland
• 6Nikolay Bodurov
• 33Dan Burn
• 32Sean Kavanagh
• 8Scott Parker
• 21Lasse Vigen Christensen
• 3Konstantinos Stafylidis
• 10Bryan Ruiz
• 20Hugo Rodallega
• 44Ross McCormack

Substitutes

• 1Gabor Kiraly
• 4Shaun Hutchinson
• 13Elsad Zverotic
• 14Patrick Roberts
• 27George Williams
• 28Emerson Hyndman
• 25Moussa Dembele

Manager

• Kit Symons

Norwich City (4-2-3-1)

• 1John Ruddy
• 2Steven Whittaker
• 5Russell Martin
• 6Michael Turner
• 23Martin Olsson
• 27Alexander Tettey
• 4Bradley Johnson
• 22Nathan Redmond
• 14Wes Hoolahan
• 7Lewis Grabban
• 10Cameron Jerome

Substitutes

• 26Declan Rudd
• 15Ignasi Miquel
• 8Jonny Howson
• 21Josh Murphy
• 28Gary O'Neil
• 39Vadis Odjidja-Ofoe
• 11Gary Hooper

Manager

• Neil Adams

Line-up graphic from FulhamFC.com

Referee: Graham Salisbury

Next up for Fulham, Rotherham United away on Tuesday night, at the New York Stadium. No, not THAT New York Stadium!