English Football's "Pyramid" and the Fabulous Football Pharaoh

"When the Going Gets Tough ..."

Brentwood Town versus Enfield Town

Ryman League Cup
Tuesday 18th August, 2015 – 7.45pm kick-off

The date 18th August 1940 has become known in history as The Hardest Day, due to the scale of casualties suffered by both sides in the air war over Britain, between the German Luftwaffe and the Royal Air Force. Seventy-five years later to the day (18/8/15) might well be dubbed by non-league football historians (both of them) as The Hardest Evening. Starting at 7.45pm, Enfield attempted to break their duck in the new Ryman Premier League season. Not only had they failed to win a game so far, in three attempts in the league; not only had they failed to earn a single point; but they had also failed to even register a single goal. Brentwood hadn't fared much better. Truly, it had all the makings of The Longest, Hardest Evening. So I invited a couple of old college buddies along to share my pain. Bill & Jez were both up for the challenge. Not lease because Brentwood is an awful lot easier for both these Essex boys to reach than Enfield. Our combined age is too great to admit to here; but each of us is barely any older than one ever-green Teddy Sherringham, MBE. I saw Sir Edward earlier in the day at the Waltham Abbey Marriott Hotel, with his Stevenage Borough players, ahead of their game at Orient. When I leaned over to my Kiwi work colleague and mentioned Sherringham's presence and his playing record (three Premier League titles, one FA Cup, one UEFA Champions League and both the PFA Players' Player of the Year and FWA Footballer of the Year; scorer of the equaliser and provider of the assist for Manchester United's winning goal in the 1999 UEFA Champions League Final against Bayern Munich).... he was suitably non-plussed by my reference to the former England, Man United and Spurs goal-hound. Thanks, Ben! I took my sighting of him as a positive omen for Enfield Town's chances later that day, anyway. Especially when I discovered that the matchday sponsors were "Marriotts" (see programme cover, above). Spooky, eh?!

The Three Amigos: DH; Bill & Jez

It is not often that I find myself ahead of Wiki with local knowledge; but that’s where I was on Tuesday night, with more than a little help from Jez. Mr. Crook is a former primary school head-teacher. He is also a former non-league footballer of some stature, himself; having been a stalwart of Chelmsford City for many seasons … too many seasons ago to care to remember, today. Before the game, Jez introduced Bill & me to an old buddy of his; another seasoned player who would spend the evening polishing up the wooden bench with his Brentwood Town F. C. shorts. Wiki reliably informed us that “Tarkan Mustafa … currently plays for Canvey Island”. Not any more, he doesn’t! He has previously played in the Football League for both Barnet and Rushden & Diamonds. With a long roster of professional and non-league clubs to his name, Tarkan has two other great claims to fame: 1) In 1999 he scored the winning goal in the FA Trophy final for Kingstonian against Forest Green Rovers; and 2) He makes regular trips out of the UK to appear in a variety of publicity materials and media as Christian Ronaldo’s body-double. Bill, meanwhile (also a senior teacher; but in secondary schooling) knows very few non-league footballers. He is a Colchester United and West Ham fan; and one of his own claims to fame is that he taught Connor Wickham (Premier League superstar and once one of Colchester's finest!?) for a time.

My visit to Brentwood was made all the more interesting than usual by the potential presence of former Enfield Town strike partners Liam Hope (still the club’s record goal-scorer) and Mitch Hahn. Liam didn’t even make the Brentwood line-up, although he was present in the stands in his new club’s tracksuit; while Mitch did start the game as captain … but at Centre Back! As for all the other players, the pre-printed team selections on the match programme could hardly have been designed to be more misleading; which caused some confusion in the opening minutes of the game: only 4 of the starting line-up for each team were as shown in the programme. With so many changes from ther regular line-ups, neither side seemed to be taking the Cup too seriously. Oh, and it seemed to bode no good that the busiest (and fittest) man during the warm-up seemed to be the chap retrieving all the balls that had been launched out of the ground.

Most of the necessary gory minutiae can be found in Ken Brazier's match report on the Towners club website, so I won't repeat the crime and duplicate his coverage. 

See: http://www.enfieldtownfootballclub.co.uk/teams/65370/match-centre/2-27737. Or, if you prefer the home perspective, check out Martin Voller's version, here: http://brentwoodtownfc.co.uk/the-news/820-enfield-s-quickfire-double-sends-brentwood-town-out-of-league-cup

Corner flag and Floodlight "porn".

In front of a disappointing crowd of just 85, for me, the dominant force in a largely stale first hour was Brentwood’s big Centre Forward, Assombalonga. He received, held, held-off and was, in general, a right nuisance; not least because "he wanted it more". After the opening goal, I was all for re-drafting a headline based on that old chestnut from the Daily Mail (23/9/13): “Assombalonga Inspires Conga” - even though there wasn’t much dance action happening around the home end. And, anyway, that original had been written about Brit - and this was 20 year-old Christian. When he was surprisingly substituted by his manager Dean Holdsworth (yes, THAT Dean Holdsworth!) after 59 minutes, his job apparently done - to be quickly followed off by Holdsworth’s son, Jordan - Brentwood rapidly lost most of their shape and threat; and all of their control. A quarter of an hour later, they were 1-2 down, never to recover; their Ryman League Cup hopes shattered for another year by a premature double-substitution which, surely, had more than half an eye on Saturdays league fixture. Oops!

Sunset over Brentwood (in blue) and a first-half flick on from a long throw-in.

So, in summary, just fifteen minutes away from their 4th successive defeat, Enfield were allowed to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. While the football may not have been overly entertaining, the three amigos decided that, overall, the effort had been well worthwhile. Fixture lists will be scrutinised hard for a more worthy follow-up game. Was it their presence, or the earlier talismanic appearance of Teddy Sherringham, that had brought a change of fortune? You can make up your own mind; but Stevenage lost 3-0 at Brisbane Road that night. Coverage of Enfield Town league action will return soon if you can bear to wait that long?! "...undaunted by odds, unwearied in their constant challenge and mortal danger... by their prowess and by their devotion. Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few".