"Nowhere are our calculations more frequently upset than in war"*

How very true the above quote might prove to be. As regular readers of this blog will already be only too aware, we have now reached the “business end” of the non-league football season. It is traditional that, at this time of year, fans of Enfield Town remove their shoes and socks to help them in calculating some of the many possible play-off place scenarios that have loomed into view. In the full knowledge that the "war" of football may upset even their most careful maths. Would that looming shape be a soaring, sky-scraper of success, this time; or just another fateful, titanic ice-berg? Enfield Town went into the Bank Holiday weekend on a run of FIVE straight wins, which had kept their hopes of a place in the Ryman Premier League play-offs firmly alive. There would be two games in quick succession, in the space of just two days; after which some of the fog of that end-of-season uncertainty would (hopefully) have started to clear. For the good!

Enfield Town vs. Folkestone Invicta

Saturday 1st April, 2017 - Ryman Premier League,  3pm k-o

First up were well-travelled Kentish opponents Folkestone Town. The Seasiders’ day would involve a demanding 190-mile-plus round-trip (to Donkey Lane); a distance involved in so many of their Ryman match days. This particular journey would be over-shadowed by potential relegation nerves, as The Stripes continued to dabble with the wrong end of the table, at just the wrong part of the season; despite a decent recent form of two wins and a draw in their last 5 outings. The positive prospects were enough to draw a well above average crowd of 623, including a decent away turn-out, given the journey required.

The visitors were on the back foot from the start of the game, though; and they were far too generous to their hosts, after just 4 minutes. At an early corner, Towners Skipper Mark Kirby rose ‘at the back’, on the edge of the 6-yard box. He drove his downward header past Folkestone ‘keeper, Tim Roberts, to open the scoring. It turned out to be just what The Seasiders needed to kick-start their performance. From the restart, they looked to play with more energy and urgency – making far more of a contest of things. They also started to regularly show their skill at controlling the ball with their hands – apparently un-noticed by referee Stuart Cheek. Was he as inept as he seemed? Or perhaps just living up to his name and merely turning the other one - repeatedly?

Kirby (airborne, centre, in white) powers home the first goal.

After a quarter of an hour, Town’s Karl Oliyide made a decisive break on goal; but hit his effort tamely across Roberts’s goal, to groans from the home supporters. After 24 minutes, however, Oliyide made partial amends. He broke through a cluster of defenders before sliding a pass to #10 Harry Ottaway. The big Town forward hit his shot straight at Roberts; but he was lucky enough to see the save bounce kindly back out to him. He needed no third time of asking, establishing a comfortable 2-0 lead with his rebound effort. The score remained the same up to the half-time break; where it became apparent that score-lines elsewhere were also going in the Towners’ favour.

Invicta rang the changes with a half-time substitution: bringing on #14 Joseph Taylor for Sam Hasler. The tactical change proved positive. With improved shape and menace, Taylor scored for the visitors, to finish off a very rapid and incisive break after 66 minutes. Luckily for Town, this came after Dernell Wynter had already added a third for Enfield, after just a couple of second-half minutes. Wynter played a neat 1-2 with Ottaway, whose flick-on found the number 9 running into space. He still had plenty to do; but Wynter did it, with aplomb.

Anatomy of a goal 1: Wynter (right, in white) runs on to Ottaway's flicked return.

Anatomy of a goal 2: Wynter 'checks back inside', before unleashing his shot past the waiting Roberts, in front of an expectant home crowd.

Anatomy of a goal 3: ... and then it's party time, as Wynter celebrates with his relieved teammates. 

 Anatomy of a goal 4: ... and Billy Crook (left) reminds us all who's just scored. As Folkestone's contrasting body language tells more of the full story.

Despite Folkestone’s goal, there was little else but home nervousness to report; and some unkind chanting. The Seasiders seemed to start it off; by booing the injured Town ‘keeper, McDonald, apparently for perceived "time-wasting". They were met with louder jeers from the opposite end; and choruses of “We’re going up; you’re going down” and variations on that theme. Town saw out the game 3-1, before heading for the changing room to see how other results would leave them in the table. The answer to which was that defeats for Leiston, Harlow and Billericay were all good news; and Town found themselves in the final play-off place, after securing their sixth win ‘on the bounce’. They were now level on points with Leiston (whom they are scheduled to play at Donkey Lane on the final day of the regular season) and with a superior Goal Difference of +22 over nearest rivals, Wingate and Finchley, on the same number of points. Two wins from two would see them secure that coveted play-off place, for sure. Meanwhile, Folkestone had sunk back into one of the relegation berths. Should we be surprised that news of Enfield’s epic improvement in form has reached the four corners of … East Anglia? From where, Norwich's budding soccer vlogger Ellis Platten descended on the QEII stadium for this crunch match, in order to include it in his “Away Days” site: https://youtu.be/MN-f6bkjdXg. One day Juventus, the next Barcelona … and then ETFC’s crunch play-off game in the Ryman Isthmian Premier League. "Classico!"

Home fans, behind the visitors' goal, in the newly-sponsored "Old Wheatsheaf" stand, at the Western end of the QEII Stadium.

Enfield Town: Nathan McDonald, Jonathan Muleba, Ricky Gabriel, Harold Joseph, Mark Kirby, Scott Shulton, Tyler Campbell (Mickey Parcell 75), Billy Crook, Dernell Wynter (Nathan Livings 89), Harry Ottaway, Karl Oliyide (Samir Bihmoutine 59). Unused subs: Bobby Devyne, Trey Williams. Booked: Shulton, Parcell.

Folkestone Invicta: Tim Roberts, Callum Davies, Nat Blanks, Liam Friend, Frankie Chappell, Micheal Everitt (Ashley Miller 79), Jordan Wright (Joe Taylor 46), Sam Hasler (Sam Beale 84), Ian Draycott, Nathan Ferguson, Miles Cornwell. Unused subs: Euan Sahadow, Charlie Presnell. Booked: Everitt, Hasler, Miller.

Attendance: 623.

Harlow Town vs. Enfield Town

Monday 3rd April, 2017 - Ryman Premier League,  3pm k-o

So, onwards to The Harlow Stadium, just two days later. Although the hosts had won 3 and drawn 1 of their last 5 games, Enfield Town were now on a roll of 6 consecutive wins, themselves; and perhaps the biggest obstacle facing them in the Essex sunshine would be the home side’s artificial pitch, which had given them such a decisive early advantage in the Ryman South play-off victory, last Spring (see an earlier post of mine, on this blog: Harlow Town vs AFC Hornchuch – April 2016).

A travelling horde of Towners supporters gave Harlow their biggest gate of the season (607, well over twice the size of their average home crowd, of 274). This also gave rise to the first contest of the day: the singing battle. Harlow’s home fans had come prepared to ‘give it some’; but, faced with the scale of the Enfield Ultras’ invasion, there was only one likely outcome. As the Harlow website later acknowledged: ”Your fans were in great voice, best supporters at the Harlow Arena all season” … and it’s true – we were! Luckily, there would be plenty to sing about… eventually. Enfield Manager Bradley Quinton had the luxury of making just one enforced change to a settled and successful Town starting line-up: with Percy Kiangebeni deputising for “the unwell Harold Joseph”

Promoted at the end of last season, Harlow are a well-organised side, with a neat and well-organised stadium. While the half-time score-line of 0-0 may have flattered the home side just a little, Enfield hadn’t done enough in the final third of the pitch to deserve a lead, going into the break. As Town fans checked out the half-time scores from elsewhere around the league, I confidently joked with those around me that it wouldn’t matter how the other sides were doing, by the time we scored our three second-half goals. Was I merely tempting fickle fate?

The two sets of fans do good-natured vocal battle, in the first half. The game would later see more physical, less good-natured battles, on the pitch.

From a strictly administrative perspective, Harlow seemed to have failed to maximise their cash revenue at this, their last home game of the season. Yes, the gate was impressive (thanks to all those travelling Towners fans); and yes, the bar was busy; but the programmes had sold out by the time I arrived, which was well before kick-off. I had to make do with just a quick snap-shot of the team sheet (see above). It’s a tough balance to get right, of course; but how many easy £2 of additional revenue had Harlow lost, by being cautious about the numbers printed? It might have been “a schoolboy error”, given that Enfield have had the 5^th best away support in the division, this term. That is, it might have been IF it hadn't been for the fact that Harlow were charging £12 entry, on the gate - 20% more than the £10 maximum I've paid anywhere else before, "at this level"; including at Donkey Lane. Either they were being opportunistic (the price signs were, after all, just simple A4 printed sheets) OR, if it's an ongoing price premium, that may well account for the club's comparatively low average home crowds.

On the pitch, Harlow also left a little to be desired, considering they had been play-off hopefuls themselves until as recently as a couple of games ago. Those had clearly been “Emperor’s Clothes” that the Essex side had been wearing, though. Only two sides had better home form than Harlow (could that be anything to do with their plastic pitch, perhaps?); while their away form had found them out, throughout the year, on regular FOOTBALL pitches. Enfield Town set about a systematic deconstruction of their hosts’ aspirations, in the second half. Even as the home side’s yellow card count continued to climb, alarmingly.

We were less than ten minutes into the second-half when Town’s Oliyide made a great, surging run on the right, drawing out the Harlow defence and creating space in the middle for #10, Harry Ottaway to ghost into. Oliyide’s low, driven pass was turned in by Ottaway from the six-yard line, under pressure from the Harlow skipper, Craig Pope. It was a great time to score - is there ever, really, a bad time? The home team’s body language spoke volumes; and the visitors (players and fans alike) were visibly and audibly happier about proceedings. The singing intensified ever further; and the momentum of the game swung firmly in Enfield’s favour.

Oliyide (centre-right, in yellow) leaves defenders trailing in his wake before sending in a low, driven cross for Ottaway to stab home from 6 yards.

Just three minutes later, there was a lengthy delay to play; as Harlow’s left-back, Layne Eadie, was helped off the pitch and replaced by Bamba Ngamb – whose name, curiously enough, is an anagram of “Bam, Bam, Bang”. Towners fans were hoping they’d see no feisty fireworks from him; but they almost did. A few minutes after his introduction, the Harlow sub might have earned his side a penalty after he and Town’s Ricky Gabriel tangled with each other on the edge of the area, after Ngamb had made a run on the Harlow right. With enough paperwork already building in his in-tray, Mr. Hancock turned down shrill appeals from both Harlow’s players AND their desperate fans. The hosts kept knocking on Enfield’s ‘door’, trying to get themselves onto the score-sheet and back in the game; but, despite all of their wolfish huff and puff, it was to no avail. They could NOT come in!

Harlow have a decent chunk of higher level experience in their ranks. Club captain Craig Pope has played for Barnet, for instance. More notably, one of Pope’s defensive chums, the Senegalese centre-back Ibrahima Sonko, may be better known to some readers, from his stints over a 10-year period at Brentford, Reading, Stoke City, Hull City, Portsmouth and Ipswich Town – including some top-flight English football. Interestingly, he turned down a one-year contract with Scottish Premiership side Kilmarnock this season, to remain in Tier 7 of the English pyramid with Harlow - and to stay closer to his family. Unsurprisingly, Sonko put in a decent and polished shift for the hosts; making some important blocks and interventions at the back AND heading an offensive corner just over. What a difference that attempt might have made, if he was just a few inches shorter than his actual, massive, 6 foot 3 inch frame.

With 14 minutes remaining, an Enfield corner from their left was met by captain Mark Kirby with a powerful header. Harlow’s ‘keeper parried the goal-bound effort; but the rebound found its way to Ottaway, who hit a fierce drive from the edge of the box to make the score 0-2. Any remaining nerves amongst the visitors appeared to be eased. The singing became more joyful; and, in turn, each of the coaching staff and substituted players were asked to indicate the current score-line. In something of a party mood, they all duly did so. "2-0, to the Football Team; 2-0 ...", etc., sang the taunting away fans; as the action got ever more "agricultural".

Ottaway (#10, yellow) wins yet another aerial battle with the later-red-carded, “solid, strong and powerful” - but, ultimately, not very good - Pope. 

When I last visited The Harlow Stadium, a few home "fans" had started a punch-up, just to the side of the pitch, with the coaching staff of the visiting side. Their team went one better this time, by starting a melee ON the pitch with the visiting players, late in the game. The referee, one Mr. Thomas Hancock, decided that it was more or less just “handbags”** and issued a couple of 83^rd minute yellow cards, to calm down everybody’s over-heated emotions – and keep the card count ticking over. He would have a whole mess of paper-work to complete, after the final whistle. Enfield’s Scott Shulton and Harlow’s substitute, Tommy Fagg (no, seriously!) were both booked; but the home player seemed very lucky not to have seen red, being the instigator of the whole messy, retaliatory affair. Luckily, he was punished in another way, by the visiting fans, who sang him ongoing lullabies, for the rest of the match; issuing their own form of rough justice – and referring to him, perhaps a little unkindly, as “The Pikey”. All of which ruffled Home feathers just a little further. Luckily for Enfield, by this stage of the game, they were already in control of the score-line; and their own destiny.

Tommy "Pikey" Fagg (#15, in red, white and blue) continues to remonstrate, long after the event - from behind a safe cordon of his own team-mates.

Enfield continued to dominate possession and territory as the game entered its 8 minutes of required stoppage time. In one late Enfield break, Harlow skipper Pope picked up a second caution for grabbing Ottaway by the neck and hauling him down, when the latter looked to have broken clear on goal. We might have known it was coming. The Harlow website describes their captain as “solid … strong and powerful” - and he demonstrated these properties in wrestling Ottaway to the ground, like a rodeo bull. With just 10 men, Harlow finally crumbled, in injury time; allowing Oliyide to add a perhaps slightly flattering third away goal. At which point the Enfield party went into over-drive in the Jack Chapman stand; celebrations that lasted well after Mr. Hancock’s final whistle.

So, as I’d earlier suggested we would, Enfield DID go on to score three second-half goals; and it really didn’t matter at all how those other sides in the division were doing. Town now needed only to avoid a home defeat to Leiston, on the last day of the season, in order to maintain their promotion push and their play-off place. Our calculations had not been upset by the Battle of Harlow. We left Essex with our shoes and socks placed firmly back on our feet, after our almost-decisive seventh straight win. Come on, you Towners!

Harlow Town: David Hughes, Craig Pope, Layne Eadie (Bamba Ngamb 57), Charlie Dickens, Ibrahima Sonko, Stanley Muguo, Jared Small, Fabion Simms, Alex Read (Tommy Fagg 77), Mario Noto (Jack Curtis 81), Junior Dadson. Unused: Syrus Gordon, Patrick Lee. Booked: Simms, Pope, Noto, Fagg. Sent off: Pope.

Enfield Town: Nathan McDonald, Jonathan Muleba, Ricky Gabriel, Percy Kiangebeni, Mark Kirby, Scott Shulton (Nathan Livings 85), Tyler Campbell (Samir Bihmoutine 74), Billy Crook, Dernell Wynter (Bobby Devyne 84), Harry Ottaway, Karl Oliyide. Unused: Mickey Parcell, Trey Williams. Booked: Campbell, Shulton.

Attendance: 607.

Footnotes:

* Quote from Livy - Roman Historian (59 BC - 17 AD)

** "Handbags" - a technical term used to describe a scuffle between football players which is unworthy of the term "fight". Slightly confusingly, no handbags are normally deployed by any parties involved in such an altercation.

Some People Are On The Pitch ... Do They Think It's All Over?

Hampton & Richmond Borough FC vs. Enfield Town - 3pm k-o
Sat. 23rd April - The Ryman League Premier Division

Harlow Town FC vs. A.F.C. Hornchurch - 3pm k-o
Sunday 1st May - The Ryman League Division One, North Play-Off Final

In a week when (mostly) dignified outrage greeted the long-delayed surfacing of common sense and "Truth", at the latest Hillsborough inquest (and its verdict of 96 unlawful killings) there were still some rather more mundane matters to be resolved within the world of English football - beyond the question of whether the CPS would find some balls of their own, to pursue those deceitful, perjured killers of South Yorkshire, some 27 years on. "Justice" is still awaited.

Merseyside's favourite? Like 'Teflon Dave': barely acquainted with The Truth.

Decades later: continued shame. Murdoch's press titles still cannot bring themselves to publish the real "Truth". The only major UK 'newspapers' NOT to feature the latest Hillsborough inquest verdict on their front pages.

David Cameron’s infamous “blind man, in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn’t there” had finally found the only thing they had ever been searching for. The one thing they had known must be out there, somewhere, no matter how carefully covered and heavily disguised it might have been: "The Truth". That, of course, is also the very thing which Dodgy Dave himself would never recognise; not even if it spat in his face and called him a tax-dodging, over-privileged 'toff'. Which it may yet do, one day - perhaps? Liverpool’s former manager, Saint Bill Shankly, famously once said “Football is not a matter of life and death...”; but on too many occasions it has been allowed to become precisely that.

Let us move on elsewhere now, though; to those other more mundane matters, already mentioned. Yes, it’s true that Leicester City would be visiting Old Trafford, in the hope of beating once-mighty Manchester United to secure the coveted Premier League title, with two games left to play; but, further down English football’s ‘pyramid’, there is still plenty of other unfinished business. Firstly, there is the post mortem examination to be carried out on the remains of Enfield Town’s Tier 7 season. This to be followed by a short journey into deepest, darkest Essex; and a brief dip down into the murky, twilight world of English football's Tier 8.

1)      Enfield Town versus "The Beavers"

Some People Are On The Pitch - Part 1: "Mmmmm, nice beaver! - Thanks, I just had it stuffed"*. Priscilla Presley, who appears to have 'let herself go' somewhat, leads out the Hampton mascot, before the crucial final game of Enfield Town's 'regular season'. (Photo by Tom Scott)

It was always going to be a tough ask: to beat the champions-elect away, on the final day of the regular season, with the latter still needing a result. The fixture computer had truly been tough on Enfield Town, this term. It had top-and-tailed our season with two of the toughest games of all: away at the eventual first- and fourth-placed sides in the league. It seemed, however, that Dulwich Hamlet were doing their utmost, elsewhere, on the final day, to open a play-off back door for Enfield to sneak through. With an hour gone, they were 2-0 down, away at Needham Market, to a brace of Luke Ingram goals. If things remained that way at Bloomfields, then Enfield simply had to score a single goal to make the play-offs. It was a particular shame, then, not to be able to find the Hampton net; especially given that Dulwich could only manage a single goal themselves, reducing the final margin of their defeat to 2-1. Manager Brad Quinton even brought himself on (again) as a late substitute, in hopes of a repeat late wonder-goal (see previous post, below). Quinton had said, after the Dulwich match, that Enfield Town would need to win all six of their remaining games to reach the play-offs; and he was proved absolutely spot-on - unfortunately! Five wins and a draw would not (quite) be enough.

Some People Are On The Pitch - Part 2. Contrasting Emotions: Town players (in yellow) are out on their feet - and off them; while Hampton celebrate the goal-less draw that saw them secure the Ryman League title and automatic promotion, by just a single point. (Photo by Tom Scott)

A nil-nil draw, away against the champions, was a highly commendable result for Town. Make no bones about that; but the damage to their prospects had already been done in earlier fixtures. Enfield’s players could only look on at the final whistle, as their hosts celebrated securing a title-clinching point, on their field of dreams. For a second successive season, The Towners had failed by two points (or a single result) to make the play-offs. For a second successive season, Dulwich had secured a play-off berth. One thing is for sure: “we” must toughen ourselves up for the next attempt; and start in earnest from game number one. After previously focussing all my Enfield Town grief on that fateful late-season, home score-draw against fellow play-off hopefuls Hamlet (in their 10-man incarnation! – see earlier post, below) I have now finally started the proper, reasoned and researched, end-of-season recriminations in earnest. Apart from Enfield's obvious, yet still inexplicable, slow-start which Ed’s earlier chart so ably illustrated (effectively allowing the other sides a 9-match head-start - see previous post, below) there was also another 4-match spell just after the New Year which “did" for Enfield’s promotion hopes arguably even more surely. Was it really simply the result of indulging in too many mince pies? As the details below show, a failure in that other, earlier ‘6-pointer’ with Dulwich Hamlet, followed by a brace of defeats (by a single, fateful goal) to each of two now-relegated sides, all in the space of less than 4 weeks (separated only by a routine home win against 'The Filth') spoiled an otherwise-improving and play-off-bound copy book.

Match #            Date

  28                   9 Jan                    Dulwich Hamlet 2-0 Enfield Town               L

  29                 16 Jan                    Enfield Town 2-0 Metropolitan Police          W

  30                 23 Jan                    VCD Athletic 3-2 Enfield Town                    L

  31                   3 Feb                    Burgess Hill T 1-0 Enfield Town                  L

Just 3 points gained from a possible 12 - and from a hoped-for 6 ... or 9? In hindsight, a pair of away draws against each of those struggling sides (they finished in 21st & 24th place, respectively) or just one single draw at Dulwich, could have seen Enfield safely into the play-offs - and National League-bound. Teeth may now be loudly gnashed, or ground. Although one can always point to any number of poor results or under-performances across an entire season as "the decisive factor", it was after the home draw with Dulwich that I finally knew the game was up. That our goose was cooked. Our play-off destiny was, by then, no longer in our own hands (or feet); but the seeds of that loss of control over our fate had been sown much earlier.

Would Dulwich make the most of that opportunity, served up to them so neatly, on a silver, Enfield platter? Or would they fluff their lines in the play-offs and face us again next season; allowing Town the chance to extract just, full and proper revenge? The answer to that question should be known within the next hour. Dulwich have already disposed of Bognor in the play-off semi-finals, with a 90^th-minute winner. As I type, it is half-time in the play-off final between East Thurrock and Dulwich; with the home side 3-1 up.

2) Harlow Town versus AFC Hornchurch

DIVISION ONE NORTH – END OF SEASON TABLE

#	Team	Pd	HW	HD	HL	AW	AD	AL	F	A	Diff	Pts
1.	AFC Sudbury	46	15	2	6	18	4	1	90	49	41	105
2.	Thurrock	46	17	0	6	13	6	4	99	52	47	96
3.	Harlow Town	46	18	3	2	11	6	6	92	47	45	96
4.	Cray Wanderers	46	14	2	7	13	7	3	98	52	46	90
5.	AFC Hornchurch	46	13	6	4	12	5	6	87	35	52	86

We move on, once again. This time to Harlow and Hornchurch; the two best-supported sides in the Ryman Isthmian League Division One North. Depending upon the result of this game, one of them would join Enfield Town next season, in Tier 7. So consider this journey to The Harlow Arena to have been in the nature of 'under-cover research', for next year. It would be a 'new ground' for me; but there was every chance that it wouldn't be my last ever visit there. My irregular Enfield Town buddy and former work colleague, Glenn, joined me for this road trip. Although, for him, Harlow are his more local side.

Harlow have the league’s highest average home gate, following the play-off matches (322) while Hornchurch have the fourth-highest average (177); but Hornchurch, like Enfield in the tier above, also boast the highest average away gates (261) with Harlow a long way behind, in second (with 172). So a large crowd was anticipated. The warm, May Bank Holiday weather was an added bonus that drew an even larger gate than was probably expected. Whichever side were to win, "The Only Way Was Essex". Which may have accounted for the disproportionate number of orange faces, expensive haircuts, make-up and sartorial choices on display in the crowd; and that was just amongst the men.

As recently as the 2012 - ’13 season, Hornchurch (“The Urchins”) were playing in England’s 6th tier. That's the Conference South, to you and me. After two relegations in three seasons, however, they were now fighting for the chance to bounce straight back into the 7th tier. Meanwhile, Harlow Town (“The Hawks”) were entering their third successive end of season play-off attempt in Tier 8; having failed to progress in each of the two previous years.

Both sides carried goal threat aplenty, with the second and third highest scorers in the league: George Purcell (AFC Hornchurch – 33 goals) and Alexander Read (Harlow Town - 31). The big questions were whether Hornchurch’s defence (the most miserly in the league) could nullify Read’s goal threat and overcome Harlow’s massive statistical home advantage. A crowd of 1,655 had turned out on fine, late-Spring afternoon, to find out the answer to that question. It turned out that some of those, alas, had also been lured by the call of the wild - and the generous 12.30pm bar opening. More than two hours later, there was plenty of pre-match, errrm … “atmosphere” in the ground.


The East and West stands at Harlow's impressive "Arena" stadium.

Harlow's home advantage is clear from their season's stats. Just 2 defeats in 24 league games is by far the best home record in the league; and a massive edge to take into such a crucial, final fixture. Just who had those two winning teams been, though? Brightlingsea Regent and ... yes, you guessed it, today's visitors, Hornchurch. So perhaps this really was still a 50-50 call. One look at the playing surface explained the source of much of that home superiority. It wasn't just the scale of the local support. Whisper it: nut Harlow play on an artificial, "3G" surface. "It's grass, Jim; but not as we know it!" With every bounce of the ball (and the ball was allowed to bounce a heck of a lot, sometimes from a very great height) small clouds of tiny black, rubber pellets could be seen flying off the surface. As someone who witnessed early attempts at playing professional football on artificial surfaces (at QPR's Loftus Road and Luton Town's Kenilworth Road) I can vouch that things are now very much improved, more than three decades on. There were no obvious seams or joins in the pitch, to affect the bounce of the ball. Players seemed surprisingly unworried by the possibility of 'grass' burns. Indeed, there was more "sliding in" on display than you might expect in the average Major League Baseball game. It was soon clear, however, that the visitors were taking some time to get accustomed to the degree of bounce off the surface - and the knack of keeping one's footing, when turning at speed. Unfamiliar spectators were also treated to the curious sight of those little black spouts of rubber debris coming up out of every footfall and ball bounce around the pitch.

It appears the Harlow PA system is used to broadcast regular, loud air-raid sirens at various critical moments of the club's games. Its first deployment was to welcome both teams to the pitch. It should have sounded something of a warning to Hornchurch, who were subjected to a blitz of first-half superior intensity from the home side, while the visitors initially struggled to gauge the pace and bounce of the pitch - and the tenor of the game.

There were quite a few 'larger-framed' chaps on display. The Urchins' #6, Dave Collis, is an experienced 34 year-old journeyman who boasts exposure with both Barnet and Charlton "B". The home crowd delighted in suggesting he was no longer entirely in control of his diet; linking him to excessive pie consumption and a sponsorship deal with Greggs The Bakers. It was banter he was happy to demonstrate he could easily ignore; showing nouse, poise and control (though perhaps not "grace") under fire - and revealing himself to be one of the visitors' best assets. Collis wasn't the only 'generously-built' player on show; but he was the one receiving the most 'stick'. Despite allowing their hosts early dominance of possession and territory, it was Hornchurch who had the first on-target efforts and the first corner of the game. A rather physical contest was developing and the youthful referee, Mr. Paul Howard, was content to allow some of the obvious big-match tension to be worked out that way. To a neutral observer it may have come as something of a surprise to find that the only booking of the match was not served out until the 87th minute; to Harlow Town's influential #7, Jared Small.

It was extremely possible that Harlow's early pressure and tempo could leave them tiring in the later stages of the game, on a warm afternoon, if they didn't reap some first-half rewards in front of goal. Several early Harlow attacks ended in indecision, uncertainty and confusion amongst the Hornchurch defence; and some miscommunication with their 'keeper. The Hawks looked the hungrier side; Hornchurch the less settled. Amidst plenty of thud and blunder, it was perhaps appropriate that the first, messy score of the game should come from an own goal. Harlow's Junior Dadson crossed from deep on the left, feeding Piers Wixon, whose shot came back off the Urchins' cross-bar, only to rebound into the net, off Hornchurch's hapless Elliot Styles: 1-0. Things got worse for the visitors just before the half-hour mark. As yet another Hornchurch attack broke down, from a corner, the cover provided by their #7, Abs Thompson (who had stayed deep to allow the big units to go forward) proved inadequate. His weak, defensive header fell straight to his opposite number, Harlow's Small. Faced with a three-on-two advantage, Small threaded a neat, intelligent through-ball for his #9, top scorer Alex Read, who did good work, drawing out 'keeper, Sam Mott, before unselfishly delivering a neat square pass for #10 Wixon to finish calmly, into an empty net: 2-0. Cue the air-raid sirens, some relaxation of the remaining home tension - and a lot of red-and-white flag-waving.

Curiously, this appeared to be the somewhat belated cue for Hornchurch to grab the game by the scruff of the neck and impose some possession of their own. I offered Glenn the opinion that the visitors were still far from out of the contest. That a goal before half-time could yet open things up, dramatically. A prescient cliché, as it eventually turned out. Despite improved possession, however, the Urchins continued to look oddly blunt 'up front'; with their hosts' GK, Hughes, barely called into action. That was until the 41st minute. Hornchurch's Tambeson Eyong went down in the Harlow area, under a challenge from Jared Small. If The Hawks had done their homework better, they might have noticed a portent concealed in an anagram of Eyong's full name: "Beg a Stony Omen". Perhaps what followed truly had been written in the stars, after all. It looked a fairly harsh call; but referee Howard showed no hesitation in awarding a Hornchurch penalty. Small had, foolishly, given him a decision to make. Now it was the visitors' top-scorer who took centre-stage. George Purcell stepped up, after a short delay (for the now traditional challenges to the referee's authority, ability and parentage) to hit the ball firmly past Hughes; having sent him the wrong way. It was, apparently, Purcell's 41st goal of a busy season, in total; and it reminded Harlow that they were still in a game: 2-1.

Hawks 'keeper Hughes: he is about to go the wrong way (to his right) for Purcell's confident penalty strike.

With the excitement building again (both on the pitch and off it, in the stands) the game was brought to a halt for some alternative entertainment, thoughtfully provided by a number of the by now very well "refreshed" locals. Having annexed a supposedly reserved, yellow-painted, hatched area of the concourse, in between the teams' two dug-outs, some Harlow fans began banging on the roof above the visiting coaching staff's seating. They then suggested various alternative views and opinions on such important footballing matters as their guests' sexuality and the historical behaviour and character attributes of their parents. In moments, the fuse had been lit and thirty or more folk (lads and a few local 'ladies') were eagerly trading punches and insults, throwing drinks and generally "giving it large", across the barrier separating fans from pitch. I can now add, to the rich tapestry of my long-running football spectating experiences, the unusual sights and sounds of a colourful punch-up; and a club manager, in respectable suit and tie, repeatedly yelling at fans of his own side to "F*ck Off! Just F*ck Right Off!" Eventually they did just that, once a brave stadium steward had forcefully made his presence felt. These were interventions for which he and Harlow's gaffer, Danny Chapman, were warmly applauded by all those other less physically 'involved' fans, nearby. If any footage of the incident were to come to the attention of the FA, or if the referee's match report is in any way reflective of actual events, I suspect Harlow could face a number of serious charges for breaching various match-day health and safety requirements. After an extended delay, the game eventually restarted; but not before most of the earlier momentum and energy had been drawn from the action by these unpleasant proceedings. That loss of tempo from the match was almost certainly of more benefit to Harlow than it was to their visitors who, before the interruption, had looked the more likely to score again.

With no further incidents of note, the first half was brought to a delayed conclusion; and fans were left to calm down and discuss in a civilised manner the merits of the exertions they had witnessed both on the field of play and off it. It was interesting to note later that the Hornchurch club's website match report made only a passing reference to the disturbance, incorrectly describing it as "an altercation between the two dugouts". While Harlow's equivalent (perhaps unsurprisingly) made no reference to it at all. If this game had featured on Match of the Day, it could well have been one of the central stories; with multiple camera angles, slow-motion action replays and in depth analysis. Not unlike coverage of the recent Battle of Stamford Bridge (Chelsea vs. Spurs in the EPL). My photo of the incident barely does it justice. This snap was taken slightly after the event. It had all flared up so fast and I was so surprised by the turn of events ... that my camera was turned off! Note that the players and referee are all standing a long way off.

Some People Are On The Pitch - Part 3: "Before and After" - that impromptu mêlée subsides, late in the first half (above). Rapidly, if belatedly, deployed Haz-Chem tape and a sunglasses-toting steward secure the disputed hatched area battleground, in the second half (below).

As the second half got under way, with the score at 2-1, there was a palpable sense that another goal at one end or the other could swing the momentum of the game strongly either way. That was not, however, the cue for a change to the 'cagey' play. Midfield tussles continued and it was an enthralling spectacle for the neutral. That was until eight minutes into the second half. At this point, Hornchurch's goalie, Sam Mott, was badly injured as he dived at the feet of Junior Dadson, who was stretching to convert a low cross from Syrus Gordon. There followed a delay of almost ten minutes as Mott was un-shirted, treated, bandaged and finally cleared to continue. Which was probably a relief for whomsoever would have had to go in goal instead of him. It was yet another unexpected delay which annulled, once again, any momentum the visitors had been building. It was also clear that Mott was not entirely 100%: his head wound making him now even more tentative than previously; and visibly shaken.

Some People Are On The Pitch - Part 4: Concern for shirtless Mott the Hoople leads to another extended stoppage.

I was watching events through the lens of potential future Enfield opponents. My own conclusions were that Hornchurch relied heavily on one man to break down opposition play and initiate moves (the ageing 'pie-man' Collis); while Harlow looked generally sharper 'up front' - making stretching runs into the forward channels and being a hyper-active nuisance. Both sides looked shaky and overly physical at the back; but neither would likely be disgraced, if playing against Tier 7 opposition, with a couple of judicial acquisitions. While I was mulling all this over, the game came to an end as an effective contest. In the 70th minute, the hosts left-back, #3 Layne Eadie, advanced towards the Urchins' penalty area, unchallenged. With time and space on his side - and still some 25 yards out - he drove a thundering, if speculative, effort across Mott and high into the right-hand corner of the net: 3-1. Would Mott have stopped that shot, if he had not been injured, earlier? That will remain an unanswerable question. The third Harlow goal lead to the best song of the afternoon. To the tune of The Automatic's "What's That Coming Over the Hill?", the home fans improvised an alternative response: "Is it Promo-shun? Is it Pro Mo-Shuuuun?". Glenn noted it was unlikely the band had originally envisioned such a use. I suspect they might have been impressed by the fans' creative hijacking.

Harlow's players celebrate in front of their Ultras, after Eadie's 'wonder strike'."Is it Promo-shun? Is it Pro Mo-Shuuuun?"

There followed the predictable series of substitutions and pack-shufflings: Hornchurch trying to pose new questions of their hosts; Harlow trying to run the clock down and break up any of their visitors' remaining momentum. Any goal threat came almost exclusively from Harlow, though; and Mott was called into action regularly in the later stages, as Hornchurch's desperation to go forward left them desperately stretched at the back. The injured goalie proved his mettle - and what might have been, had he not picked up that earlier knock.

Under cerulean skies, Harlow soaked up everything else The Urchins had to throw at them. Genuine warmth remained in the late-Spring air, as the referee (eventually) blew his whistle for the final time; but warmth was not in the responses of Hornchurch's faithful away following. Curses flew readily from the mouths of many of their fans. Were they unhappy at their side's slow start, their insufficient calibre and efforts, the pitch, the referee, THAT punch-up, their 'keeper's unfortunate injury - or all of the above? It mattered little. Failing any later intervention by the FA, Harlow Town had used their home advantage (by fair means or foul?) to massive effect; securing that all-important play-off final win - and (lucrative?) promotion to Tier 7. At the third attempt.

Late action in Harlow's goal-mouth; but, when it really mattered, Hornchurch (in yellow) could not muster a goal from open play. Over-awed by the occasion, the atmosphere and by small, black, rubber pellets that probably got everywhere.

"Some People Are on the Pitch. They Think it's All Over ... It Is NOW!"

By the time I had finished writing all of that, Dulwich had allowed East Thurrock to win their Tier 7 play-off final 3-1; and to grab that all-important promotion place. So it seems Enfield Town will face both Dulwich (again) AND Harlow, next season. Bring it on!

Meanwhile, Spurs had also fluffed their lines in that latest "Battle of Stamford Bridge". They got over-excited under intense pressure, allowing Leicester City to (finally) bask in the glory of their successful, 5,000-1 EPL title shot. The movie rights to this last, East Midlands story may already have been sold; but the tale of Enfield Town's phoenix-like rise from the ashes of Southbury Road and 1999 is still in the making. This year, Burnley, Wigan and Northampton are already on the move. Others will follow them, over the next few days. "It" is never, really, "All Over" at all, is it? Come on, you Towners!

P.S. As a Fulham fan of forty years standing, I still bear an entirely reasonable and deep-seated grudge against Leicester City for their having stolen 'our' promotion spot to the English top tier, back in the 1982 - '83 season. It's a long story, involving the goals of "Saint" bloody Gary Lineker and Alan "Sniffer" Smith; plus a final-day match at The Baseball Ground that has still never finished ... surely the longest game in the history of professional football. These are definitely the sorts of football grudge that are well worth nurturing, don't you think?

Culture Vulture Reference:
*Quote taken from "The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!" (1988)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095705/