(Monday 21st April, 2014 - 3pm kick-off)
As trailered earlier today, East Thurrock were today's visitors to the QEII Stadium, in Enfield - which is topical, since their name starts with the first four letters of "Easter". They were perched precariously, like a fragile Easter egg on the chocolate trap-door of relegation, five points below Enfield Town at the start of play, with two remaining games in which to save their season. If you ever bother to look up East Thurrock on-line, as I did today for the very first time, you'll find out precious little about the place, beyond its non-League football club and its medical centre. The club's ground is named picturesquely enough (Rookery Hill, Corringham) but is located just a couple of clicks West of Canvey Island - beyond Stanford-le-Hope. Clearly there is not much else to do in Thurrock beyond filling prescriptions and watching local football - or the ships coming and going in the Thames Estuary. With the few visiting fans (were there as many as eight in the away end?) perhaps still looking out for local shipping movements, the Towners took the lead as early as the first minute in today's Titanic relegation struggle at Donkey Lane. A flick in by defender Ryan Doyle at the near post after a corner taken from the right was enough to do the damage below Thurrock's water-line. It was his first goal for teh club, in his 17th appearance. His timing is good!
Unfortunately, that was more or less the home side's only contribution of note to a one-sided first half which saw their close rivals, "The Rocks", take an unexpected 1-4 lead into the break. By 4.55pm, Town's opponents had closed up to within 2 points of them, near the bottom of the Ryman Premier League table, with a far superior Goal Difference tally and with just one game left each. After 3 back-to-back wins in early April, Enfield have experienced a mini-slump. With recent form of drawn-lost-drawn-lost and after a predictable, battling 0-2 win by fellow strugglers Wingate & Finchley, away at Leiston today, Enfield Town go into next weekend's last round of games still needing a win to absolutely ensure Premier League survival for next season. They will face already-relegated Cray Wanderers, away; where a point SHOULD probably still be enough to clinch survival, due to Wingate & Finchley's own inferior (by -5) Goal Difference. But The Beautiful Game is also, notoriously, "a funny old game".
There was a somewhat festive pre-match party atmosphere in the ground; with a beer tent doing brisk trade, as well as the upstairs club bar and the regular fast-food concession trailer. An expectant crowd of 662 had turned out to see events unfold. Not bad, considering the average home attendance has been just 385 this season - although that has till been the 7th best in the league. Back in 1864, in his book "Indian Gleanings and Thoughts of the Past", railway manager George Waters paraphrased an old proverb when he wrote: "as is usual on all such occasions, after gaiety comes squalor; or, as we observe in respect to the annual pageant of the City of London that "after the Lord Mayor's Show comes a donkey-cart"." Yes, as Boris Johnson probably knows only too well, bringing up the rear of the Lord Mayor's Show annually is a team whose job is to clean up the manure of the pageant's horses.Well, unfortunately, you'd need a pretty big donkey cart to clear up Enfield Town's mess after today's game.
Scoring in the first minute should have opened the flood-gates; and it did exactly that - but at the 'wrong' end. Hapless replacement goal keeper James Chalk, providing cover for regular stopper Noel Imber who had dislocated his shoulder in Town's previous potential "6-pointer", provided a master class in how NOT to keep goal in an important fixture. He looked as nervous as a Gloucestershire badger on hearing simultaneous news of an authorised cull and a new motorway, as he fluffed his lines and flapped at a series of hopeful Thurrock balls into the box. By half-time, the home side were probably happy only to be 1 - 4 down. Chalk had started 6 previous fixtures this season for Enfield; but you would hardly have guessed it, as he palmed one weak floated cross into his own net for an o.g. It was the cherry on a highly indigestible Bank Holiday cake. Despite the poor fare on offer, the large, partisan crowd kept up their normal vociferous support, unperturbed by what might follow.
Miraculously, after the break, Town shored up their defence, exposed the young goalie understudy somewhat less often and Chalk kept a clean sheet for the second 45 minutes ... that is excluding only a follow-up effort from a penalty which he had saved well - but which then fell kindly for Thurrock's alert Lewis Smith, on 74 minutes. The home side bossed the second half almost completely and 'won' it 2-1. At 2-4 down, Enfield created a string of chances which were narrowly missed, damaging the visiting 'keeper's nose in the process; but the footballing damage had already been done and that follow-up from a softly-awarded penalty was the crucial coup de grace, making the score 2 - 5 prior to Liam Hope's injury time consolation for the Towners (his 101st goal for teh club, apparently). Final score: Enfield Town 3 - East Thurrock United FC 5. It reads like an 8-goal Thriller ... but was really more of a Nightmare on Elm Street, carrying an X-rated certificate for goalies everywhere. Callum's view of all this? He says he couldn't watch it every week; and I don't think that's due to the extreme nature of the tension experienced.
The result? It will be 'squeaky bum' time all over again on the road next weekend, at the aptly-named Courage Stadium, which Cray Wanderers currently share with Bromley FC. And while Cray Wanderers F.C.may well be one of the oldest football clubs in the world (established as long ago as 1860, even before George Waters had published his book) after five straight defeats in their most recent games, they have already been relegated from the Ryman Isthmian Premier League this season - and consigned prematurely to the donkey cart of football history. After the match, Town's key striker Liam Hope tweeted "We ain't making this easy. A week of focus now". Indeed, next week, Enfield will be focussing on avoiding Cray's fate and not joining them in the Donkey-drome cart full of horse shi...
The good news? Enfield Town's Premier League survival continues to rest very much on their own hands. Though I suspect they'll probably be quite happy if Cal stays away from their next game!
The following pictures, taken by our ace photo-journalist show:
1) The dug-outs, running track, beer tent, fast-food concession & upstairs club bar at the
prestigious QEII Stadium (notice the bar area's up-market, flag-bedecked sun terrace).
prestigious QEII Stadium (notice the bar area's up-market, flag-bedecked sun terrace).
2) Yet another ball descends from on high into The Rocks' goal area.
3) The sign over the club's turnstiles (yes, we have more than one!) before today's game...
or was it afterwards? How would you tell the difference?
4) Enfield's indefatigable Man-of-the-Match, Corey Whitely, has finally had enough... and hails a passing taxi he's just spotted (at extreme right).
How many home fans must have wished they had seen it first.
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