Three of a Kind - Part III ... and JUST ahead of the 'regular season' finale showdown

Enfield Town versus Needham Market - 3pm k-o
Sat. 16th April - The Ryman League Premier Division

Enough of the niceties, already! Let's just get straight down to the nitty-gritty business of trying to understand all those staggering statistics, arising from recent results in everybody's favourite non-league football division; and the preponderance of potential permutations. Calculators at the ready? Then let's begin. Those readers who are joining this unfolding story late, could do a lot worse than read the two earlier blog entries, below, first. As previously promised, this latest entry at last brings us bang up-to-date - finally.

It is an intrinsic element of The Beautiful Game in its 21st Century form that, at these late stages of the season's proceedings, football fans reach for a copy of the league tables, one absolutely last time. They dust off their long-forgotten mathematical skills, to try and reach a better understanding of their teams' (diminishing?) prospects. Well, the Ryman Premier League has now reached just that stage in its proceedings; and why should we be any different from the rest? With the unwelcome, mocking laughter of the football gods, ringing in our ears, there is nothing much else to do now but take an in-depth look at the situation - before it becomes too late to matter. Forget all the rolling news items about the UK's EU referendum, Queen Liz's 90th birthday, or Prince's passing at Paisley Park. This is where the serious stuff of our existence unfolds. As the late, great and eminently quotable Bill Shankly, of course, famously once said (perhaps only half in jest?): "Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I assure you, it's much more serious than that" ... and no more so than in the seventh tier of English football.

When we last "spoke" (see previous post, below) Enfield Town had secured two of the six-wins-in-a-row that manager Brad Quinton had demanded from his players. He had said it was the minimum requirement; but the truth was, after failing to beat 10-man Dulwich Hamlet, even that demanding "minimum requirement" might not prove to be enough. Enfield's fate was simply no longer in their own hands; which makes the maths complicated. What has happened since then though, Des?

Well, just two days after that last reported match, The Towners entertained Grays Athletic and emerged victorious, thanks to a cool, calm Corey Whitely penalty in each half. The club's website headline said: "Town do just enough"; but it was not clear yet whether it really was going to be enough. We'd gone into the match relying on high-flying Bognor getting something out of their game against play-off rivals Dulwich. Not an unreasonable hope; but they did not. They emerged with nothing, in a 2-0 defeat. Although elsewhere, Kingstonian did do Enfield a favour when they dropped points at home to likely relegation candidates, Lewes. In a microcosm of this topsy-turvy Ryman Premier season, just two evenings later, Kingstonian then recovered their composure to hand Bognor their third successive beating. As a result, The Rocks' title ambitions suddenly looked to be, errrm ... on the rocks; but they would drop no more points in their next 5 games, re-exerting their earlier pressure on Champions-elect, Hampton & Richmond Borough whom, coincidentally, Enfield were scheduled to play away, on the final day of the season.

The week-end after their win over Grays, Enfield went on the road and comfortably stole all 3 points again, courtesy of a convincing 0-4 away win at Merstham. Just to make a game of it, both Kingstonian and Dulwich decided to drop points on that same day; both unable to get more than an away draw at Brentwood and Leiston, respectively. "Curiouser and curiouser!” Cried Alice (she was so much surprised that, for the moment, she quite forgot how to speak good English)* - see Culture-Vulture foot-note.

Two days later, Kingstonian then began a tail-spin of astonishing proportions. Wasting their several games in hand, they lost twice in eight days (home and away) to strugglers Farnborough; those defeats also sandwiching a third, miserable away result, at Staines. The wags on the Enfield terraces had been right, after all, then, about those 'points in hand' being better than beating about the birds in the bush. This string of late defeats had terminally dented Kingstonian's play-off hopes; and left Enfield with only one realistic rival for that final play-off place: those darned Dulwich dandies remained in the driving seat. The latter went to struggling Brentwood for a mid-week evening game, with the best wishes of every Towners fan urging on the home Essex side. Brentwood's boys responded and built upon their recent battling point against Kingstonian, by ... giving up an own goal in the second minute and going on to lose narrowly: 1-2. Ouch! So, in the week when Steve Davis finally retired (officially) from the professional game, Enfield find themselves needing snookers; and we are stuck right behind the Pinks, of Dulwich.

We arrived at THIS penultimate league game against "The Marketmen", still two agonising points behind Hamlet, needing to continue our run of consecutive wins that had now stretched to four; and hoping that relegated Lewes could yet do us a favour, away at Dulwich. That seemed unlikely; but stranger things have happened. You can see the pre-match situation outlined below. Regular readers may be all too aware already that scoring any one of those many missed chances 16 days earlier, against 10-man Dulwich, would have reversed our respective positions in the table, giving Enfield a one-point advantage. "Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda", as songstress Beverley Knight might have observed. Hypothetical "what-ifs", to be sure, do butter no parsnips!

It would be vital for Town NOT to take Needham too lightly in this fixture, despite their lowly league position. They were far from safe, themselves; and we could expect more than just passive resistance from the Suffolk boys, whose away record this season has actually been better than their home form. Amongst their ranks was some serious Football League experience; not least in the shapes of Goal Keeper Danny Gay (formerly of Southend); Winger James Akintunde (on loan from Cambridge United) and Central Midfielder Kemal Izzet (formerly of Charlton Athletic and Colchester United - younger brother of former Foxes' favourite and Turkey International 'Muzzy'). On paper, then, Needham looked exactly the sort of motivated and capable opposition you would NOT want to face, when securing three points was crucial.

A minor point, perhaps also worth mentioning in passing, is that Needham's team list ran in strict numerical order. A right rarity! Only 17 squad members were listed on the programme team sheet; and, compared to the jumble of Enfield's player numbers, it looked like they would be very easy to identify and follow. See below.

Magic Numbers, part I: Needham's line-up numbering. It looks perfect for those of us with OCD. A little too perfect, perhaps?

Despite the sparse showing of (just about two dozen) Needham fans in the away end, the game kicked off in front of Town's second-largest home crowd of the season (577). Perhaps it was, after all, only fitting that such a healthy number of Enfield fans had shown up for their club's final, home league game. The turn out re-emphasised the importance of the hoped-for result; and the degree of belief the home crowd still had in the club's prospects. Presciently, the Towners' board had decided to take up the centre-fold of the match-day programme not with the usual, naked, pert, local lovely; but with a whole crowd of local beauties, captured during a better weather day (see below).

Artist's Impression (above) versus the cold reality (below): 

home fans in regulation hats, gloves, scarves & winter coats.

The main features of the game's early play were total Enfield dominance - and a bitingly cold North Middlesex wind. Fans stood complaining that the wind chill meant it didn't feel like our final home game of the season; but more like a Christmas holiday special. Town hit the woodwork as early as the fifth minute; a powerful strike from Centre Back Claudiu Vilcu, up for one of many Enfield first-half corners. It took all of Danny Gay's Football League guile to keep the visitors in the game. He made a string of fine saves and commanded his area well. At least until the 36th minute; when Town's second-highest scorer of the season, Bobby Devyne, drove in a left-foot shot. Gay still managed to get his hand on the effort; but not enough to keep it out. He continued to thwart Enfield's efforts after that opening goal; and the half ended with the score-line at just 1-0.

Any residual Enfield nerves were largely settled by a second goal added early after the break, in the 47th minute. Super-skipper Mark Kirby made a nuisance of himself at yet another corner; and his header was eventually put away by his Right Back, Harold Joseph. Needham just wouldn't go quietly, however. Although the visitors struggled to gain much possession, Town's Nathan McDonald was still called upon to make several key contributions, in order to maintain the home side's 2-goal advantage. Enfield battled without success to add to the score-line, despite dominating territory and possession. Gay continued in fine form and Needham frustrated their rampant hosts fairly well; if sometimes not entirely legally. Referee Nigel Smith probably enjoyed his fifteen seconds of fame and finger-wagging, at the most illustrious name on the pitch; before finally producing a yellow card for Muzzy's little bruvver (#8, looking a little repentant / frustrated, below).

With just a couple of minutes left to play, manager Brad Quinton decided he should turn to his favourite substitute; the one character he can always rely on: himself. That vote of self-confidence turned out to be an inspired decision. With the game rolling relentlessly into added time, the 37 year-old Quinton was involved in a number of set pieces, on the Enfield left. Who should take this throw? I think will. Who should take this free-kick? I think I will. Until, with one of the final moves of the game, Bad Brad (#17, below) received a neat through-ball, with far too much space and time, from Tyler Campbell (#12, on the ball, centre, captured in mid drag-back). Quinton turned, looked up and, seeing Gay well off his line and, for once, seemingly unaware of the potential danger, he sent an exquisite, high lob across the goal, over the retreating guardian's head; and just under the cross-bar, into the top-right corner of the Needham net: 3-0. Grinding out results had finally become a good Enfield Town habit. If only such success could have started somewhat earlier in the season, the league table might now look very different.

From this move, substitute midfielder Quinton would receive, turn and score the best goal of the game; possibly of the season. 

Perhaps unsurprisingly, everybody seemed to want to celebrate with (occasional player-) manager, Bradley. Yes, the age-old tradition of "licking up" to the boss was still alive and kicking in Donkey Lane. Even the wintry sun had come out to play. Finally!

That's Gay, that is ... despondent, in front of Enfield's main stand. The visitor's excellent 'keeper couldn't single-handedly maintain Needham's hopes for vital survival points.

In an unexpected development, it turned out that Needham had actually lied on their team sheet, about that easy-to-follow numbering. Perhaps it was in the hope of confusing the Towners defence. The club's top-scorer, Michael Brothers, had craftily refused his published #9 shirt, preferring the rarely-seen #19. Regardless, he drew a blank. I will leave it to the referees and barrack-room lawyers amongst us to decide what technical infringements (if any?) had occurred, here.

 Magic Numbers, part II: Izzet and Brothers ... or is it?

After the game, Enfield's manager was suitably effusive, after securing his fifth successive win (and that stunning, final goal): "it’s been awesome. Everyone has been performing...we play for everything”, Quinton said. That's probably just as well, since - as the penultimate league table, below, makes clear - Town's fate remains in the hands of their rival teams; and the football gods. There's everything still to play for; but, with Kingstonian now, remarkably, out of the mix altogether, we travel to the champions-elect on Saturday, needing an away win to have ANY chance of securing that final play-off place. A draw would be worthless. Even a win might well also be so. If Dulwich can only secure a single point on their travels to Needham Market, then their +9 goal difference will (surely) be enough to see them "home". Another, final victory would be Enfield's sixth in a row; as demanded by Bradley, just those few short weeks ago; and it's still not impossible that we might land it. Hampton & Richmond Borough sit pretty at the top of the table, it's true. They are three points clear of Bognor Regis Town, with a +4 GD. Bognor, however, play at home to 18th-placed Hendon, for whom the game is a 'dead rubber'; while Hampton will, of course, host the 'hungry' Towners - who will have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Will that situation be enough to harden Hampton's resolve; or will the pressure make them fluff their lines? The home side ("The Beavers" - I kid you not!) boast an impressive level of Football League experience, pedigree and 'nouse' across their squad. As well as a pair of loan-ees from Brentford and AFC Wimbledon, they also have at least 8 other players with Big League smarts. Not least their Dominican international (OK, so he was born in Kilburn - but who's gonna quibble over that?) Richard Pacquette, whose profile suggests he may have played for about half of all the clubs in the South-East of England. Including a number of decent Football League sides; and QPR.

Town go into the final weekend as the form side in the league, over the last seven games: unbeaten in eight. Meanwhile, they also know that Dulwich Hamlet are by no means guaranteed any additional points, on their own travels to Needham. Their Suffolk hosts (The Towners' latest victims, of course) currently inhabit the final, unwanted, relegation berth. They could surely have no better motivation than to try and over-take Burgess Hill Town with their final roll of the dice; and they will know that they do need all three points to have any realistic hopes of surviving, given their -10 GD versus the Sussex side. That suits Enfield nicely, whose fans will be hoping that Gay can recreate his Donkey Lane heroics; that Izzet's 35 year-old legs can dominate Dulwich, as they (fortunately) failed to do against Enfield; and that Akintunde can get on the score-sheet ... several times! An early home goal could certainly put the Suffolk cat amongst the South-London pigeons - or something. The Marketmen will also be buoyed by the possibility that Burgess Hill will be heavily out-gunned in their own tussle with play-off qualifiers Tonbridge Angels. By way of a rough guide to the likelihood of Enfield's hopes: current on-line odds for a Town victory are 9/2 (2/5-on for a defeat; and 7/2 the draw). Meanwhile Needham and Dulwich have only ever played each other once in the league ... with The Marketmen picking up a rare away win. We will be hoping they can complete an unlikely 'double' over South London's finest. Complicated, ain't it? Or perhaps the situation is sheer simplicity, itself. All of this to unfold on Saint George's / Shakespeare's Day! It makes me think about drafting out an appropriate little speech**:

"... And gentlemen in England now a-bed

Shall think themselves accursed they were not here;

And hold their manhoods cheap ..." 

At least there has been no dodgy FA interference, this season; no brutally decisive, last-minute points deductions. So far! If Enfield (whisper it) fail this season, it will have been fair and square, this time, for a change; and all their own fault. With a relatively simple explanation. An old college buddy (Ed) maintains an unhealthy interest (some would say)  in a wide range of football statistics. He has provided the following, gleamingly relevant example of his excellent work. This graph shows the evolution of Enfield Town's season, at a glance; "warts and all"; and neatly illustrates where the problem lay. Points earned are shown, less the number of matches played. From this, it is very clear that The Towners foolishly gave the rest of the league more or less a nine-game head-start. Which is rarely considered to be a good strategy, even "at this level". Brad's boys' current win record of five-in-a-row is very impressive, certainly. It could yet become six, too; but all of that might still prove irrelevant, if other parties were not to play their part, as described above. Fans could well yet be left contemplating that, if only we had started the season on the same day as everybody else, then we could (perhaps?) have been clear, outright winners of the Ryman Premier Division, this year. Rather than mere wannabe play-off contenders. Equally, maybe the fault lies with the odd point dropped elsewhere, throughout the season; or the odd away defeat to strugglers? Or merely "in our stars"***. Although post mortem examinations have already begun at Craven Cottage into Fulham's latest malaise (who have "dropped a league-high 28 points from match-leading positions in the Championship, this season.") there's little point in launching those worthless investigations and recriminations just yet. Not while the fat lady is still just warming up in her dressing-room; and not with all those big, crucial, inter-connected games looming, this Saturday. Come On, You Towners! And Good Luck, You Marketmen ... not an expression one hears very often in Enfield.

The World Enfield Town, According to Ed - many thanks for the added clarity!

It remains to be seen whether we will yet have the opportunity to reconvene and follow Enfield's participation in the Ryman Premier League play-offs. Most serious sports fans will be hoping we do. If only as a brief distraction from the current prevalence of Vardy-mania.

There's also the more minor matter of the Middlesex County Cup Final, scheduled to be played on Saturday 7th May, between Enfield Town and Northwood (of the Southern Football League, Division One Central). We'll be hoping it provides us with one final day in the sun, before thoughts turn to foreign parts and distant, summer beaches. Although, as I said, that is definitely a more minor matter; and Towners fans would probably trade their Cup Final berth for a play-off place, in a heart-beat.

To Be Continued ... ?

Culture-Vulture foot-notes:

a) "Fine words butter no parsnips" - for an explanation of this phrase's meaning and origins, see:  http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/fine-words-butter-no-parsnips.html
b) *lines taken from Lewis Carroll's "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" - which you already knew.
c) ** Henry V: Act 4, Scene 3 -  in the English camp
d) *** Julius Caesar: Act 1, Scene 2

Three Of A Kind – Part 2

Enfield Town versus Bognor Regis Town - 7.45pm 8pm k-o 
Thursday 31st March - The Ryman League Premier Division

You may remember, from the previous installment of your favourite non-league football blog, that Enfield had recently been the lucky recipients of a gift horse. That was when Dulwich Hamlet central defender, Matt Drage, was sent off for a second, first-half yellow card, during Town’s previous home game. It had seemed a golden opportunity to close the four-point gap between the teams; but Enfield showed their ongoing determination to look such gift horses firmly in the mouth, by failing to take their chances and scraping an ultimately disappointing 2-2 draw; in which they were forced to come from behind (fnah!). Twice (fnah, fnah!). Since then, they had gone to Brentwood just two days later, on Bank Holiday Monday, and escaped with all three points, in a hard-fought contest with the relegation-threatened Essex boys. Alas, Dulwich's narrow home win on the same day, against fellow play-off berth sitters, Tonbridge Angels (after two early Hamlet goals) had done nothing to reduce either the points deficit or total still required by Enfield.

So, when fourth-placed Bognor Regis Town came a-calling on the last evening of March (only three further days later) Enfield were sitting pretty on a recent record of just one defeat in their last 10 league fixtures; AND they had delivered the first of those six wins on-the-trot that manager Brad Quinton had demanded, after disappointment of those dropped points in our “six-pointer” against Dulwich. Bognor’s own position was a somewhat false one, since they had FIVE games in hand on the two teams above them. A fixture backlog caused mostly by their success in reaching the semi-finals of the FA Trophy (where they were beaten home and away, by Grimsby). Any modicum of success in those extra games should have Bognor placed second; possibly challenging Hampton & Richmond Borough for the title of division champions – and the coveted automatic promotion place.

Those all-important pre-match stats, from the Enfield programme. Even when "blown up", things didn't look great for The Towners.

Brad Quinton has talked openly this season of feeling he has strength in depth within his squad. He made four changes from his previous starting line-up, at Brentwood, for what promised to be a tough Bognor challenge. Town needed a win to stay in the play-off hunt. The visitors needed a win to maintain their challenge for the league title. Even if Brad thinks he has a strong squad, he might still envy the resources available to his opposite number. Bognor’s strong challenge for the lead of the Ryman Premier has been helped by four loanees from the Football League’s south coast clubs: Connor Tighe & Chike Kandi (both on loan from Brighton & Hove Albion) and Chad Field & Snorre Nilsen (both on loan from Portsmouth – it was assumed, on the home terraces, that the Norway flag on display at the far end was for Snorre’s benefit). Add in the League experiences of Alex Parsons (at Bournemouth) and Jason Prior (at AFC Wimbledon – who would captain the side for this game) and there was a decidedly formidable look to the current squad of this 133 year-old club. It was no wonder they had performed so strongly in both league and cup, this season.

"Where's Wally?": Pre-match, sunset floodlight 'porn', courtesy of Bognor's delayed arrival.

Thursday is an unusual day of the week for top class football. When it was announced that the kick-off would be delayed by 15 minutes, due to the late arrival of the Bognor team bus (the rush-hour M25 shows no mercy; not even for élite athletes!) there was a distinct groan - and a realisation that we could probably also expect a fairly small away following to have made the demanding, 230-mile, mid-week round-trip. More annoying than the delayed start was the irritating and liberal use of an air horn by the away fans; presumably in a desperate effort to make up for their small numbers with a large, artificial noise.

Delayed first-half action, in front of the main stand. Enfield are in yellow.

The home side showed their visitors little respect in the early exchanges. Town showed more appetite and hogged both possession and territory. The Towners generally show little fear, at home. Only the top two sides boast better home records in the league this season: current table-toppers Hampton and … tonight’s visitors. Rather, it is our way record that may well prove to have been costly, once the fat lady does, eventually, stumble onto the stage and finally sing her heart out. Things started to get interesting after 25 minutes when Snorre Nilsen caught the Enfield defence napping. The Bognor #7 flicked a header on the right beyond his marker who, apparently in awe of the Norwegian's dexterity, looked on, impressed as Nilsen continued his run, collected his own pass and sent in a low cross, out of the reach of Enfield GK, McDonald, caught flat-footed. The Rocks' #9, skipper Jason Prior then achieved the rare and unexpected feat of stopping his own scuffed effort on goal, almost sitting on the ball inside the Enfield 6-yard box. More defensive dithering by the home side, however, gave Prior the freedom of the Town goal-mouth for a second bite at his own cherry, even whilst he remained sitting on the ground, almost on the Enfield goal-line. He (eventually) put Bognor ahead with his stabbed, follow-up Keystone Cops effort: 0-1; and play-off hopes were receding with the South-Coast tide.

Undaunted, Enfield simply went up the other end and scored two goals of their own, in the space of just three minutes. Firstly, in the 32nd minute, Corey Whitely volleyed a speculative shot, through a crowd of players and beyond the Bognor 'keeper, Grant Smith, after the visitors had failed to properly clear their lines from an Enfield corner. This was quickly followed by the go-ahead goal. An Enfield free-kick was, again, not dealt with. The ball eventually falling to super-skipper, Mark Kirby. It was easier for him to score than miss. Fortunately; and the score-line remained 2-1 up until the end of the half, despite plenty of further action at both ends.

Corey Whitely's shot (he's in the background, peering through the crowd) creeps in at the far post for the first of Enfield's two goals. (Photo: Tom Scott) 

In the second half, Bognor showed why they are strong challengers for the league title. Undaunted by the deficit and mostly unhurried, they sought hard for their equaliser. They looked very well-drilled and organised; happily playing the ball across their back line consistently and probing for Enfield gaps, before launching each of their many attacks. For once, Town sat back a little, prepared to soak up the pressure and let their visitors do most of the work. The Bognor air-horn was now heard somewhat less often. It was attritional stuff and allowed home fans the luxury of some quality time, in which to reflect once again on the maths of the situation. With no other games being played in the Premier League that night, if the score remained unchanged, it would put a dent in Bognor's title and automatic promotion hopes; but it would guarantee no more for Enfield than perhaps a temporary reduction of the points gap to Dulwich. That missed opportunity to dent 10-man Hamlet's hopes, by scoring any one of the many chances Enfield had enjoyed, just a few days earlier, was already starting to look potentially very costly. A win would still, though, put added pressure on them and fellow play-off hopefuls Kingstonian; who, prior to this game, had been one point ahead of Town, with a brace of spare games in-hand. Wise heads in the Enfield crowd happily voiced the opinion that points in the bank were better at this stage of the season than a couple of dodgy birds in the bush. Or something. These impromptu maths and philosophy lessons in the home end, were then interrupted by Billy Crook and Doug Tuck. They enlivened what little remained of the evening with a touch of completely unnecessary 'hand-bags', late on in the game. Both sides took it as the cue for a little 'fracas'.

Enfield's Tyler Campbell (R) is first on the scene to try separating Billy Crook (L) and Doug Tuck as their libertango disintegrates into a gentleman's excuse-me. (Photo: Tom Scott)

To the home fans, it looked a clear, straight red card for the Bognor bruiser, for his well-executed pushing and shoving; and perhaps a yellow one for Crook. An extra man advantage (again!) might have eased any remaining fears amongst Towners fans. After long deliberations with both his assistants, however, the referee "bottled it" and issued a yellow card to each player; when there had clearly been only one belligerent party. Luckily, his latest terrible decision had little effect on the result of the game. As the final minutes ticked by, Enfield were happy to introduce the ball to a new friend, the corner flag; and Bognor forget (if they ever knew) how to seek out a more direct route towards the Enfield goal.

Floodlights AND corner flags. What more could you ask for? Moments later there was an up-ended flag and a tangle of writhing bodies in the foreground.

The game ended in a satisfactory 2-1 Enfield win; meaning that Brad's boys had delivered the first two of those six wins 'on the bounce' he had demanded. They were now the serious form side in the league, with just one defeat in their last 11 fixtures. Town climbed to sixth place, only one point behind Dulwich and just outside the play-off places; albeit having played an extra game. Kingstonian, meanwhile, were two points and one place behind us, with three games in hand. Hmmmm!

To Be Continued ...

Three Of A Kind – Part 1

Enfield Town versus Dulwich Hamlet
Sat 26 Mar 15:00 - The Ryman League Premier Division

No, not THAT “Three of a Kind”! ... and, by the way, whatever did happen to David Copperfield, while Tracey Ullman and Lenny Henry were carving out two mega-careers AND one knighthood, between them?

We're talking here about three all-important fixtures at the tail-end of Enfield Town’s Ryman Premier League  season. Catching up on these three games will bring you right up to date with all the complicated mathematics of Enfield's latest end-of-season challenge. Last year, the challenge was fighting off unfair FA interventions and points deductions ("Booo!"). This season, it was all about recovering from a poor run of early results (“Boo, Hoo!”).

Despite the tricky maths, ETFC fans remained optimistic; and took up every vantage point to follow proceedings against the league's wealthiest club.

On the back of three previous disappointing away games and prospect-damaging results (two draws and a defeat) and, finally, a tasty 4-0 home win against fellow play-off hopefuls, Kingstonian, Enfield probably needed to deliver maximum points from their final seven games, in order to keep their slim play-off hopes alive. As was the case last year, Enfield had started the season poorly, with three straight defeats and only one win in the first ten games. Giving opponents a ten-game head start is normally considered a poor strategy. In hindsight, though, perhaps the fixture ‘computer’ was not entirely kind to us; although that was far from clear at the time. A look at those early defeats now makes it clear that we were playing a lot of the tougher teams early; and it took a little while for management to settle the ship and gain a series of improved results.

First up in our latest trio of opponents were Dulwich Hamlet. This would be first of four league fixtures to be played in just 8 days. When the Ryman Premier League’s best-supported side came a-visiting, they were sitting in 4th place, to Enfield's 9th. Four valuable points and a lot of goal-difference ahead of The Towners. This was to be a real “six-pointer” for both teams. Anything less than an Enfield win would leave the hosts struggling to make up that four point gap, in the few remaining games. Then there was the small matter of those other clubs above us, with better points totals, goal differences and/or ‘games in hand’.

Dulwich is a famous non-league name. The club’s credentials and 123 year history are impeccable. One of their claims to fame is to have fielded the last amateur footballer to have played as a full England international, whilst still solely with an amateur club: Edgar Kail (played 1915–1933). Other, more recent, famous players include: Carl Asaba; Peter Crouch; Albert Jarrett; Marlon King; Alan Pardew and Ian Wright. Even today, Dulwich’s squad boasts two players on loan from Football League sides; albeit from Stevenage and Dagenham & Redbridge. Enfield manager Brad Quinton is rightly jealous of the wealth of resources available to his opposite number. We would be expecting a stern test of our promotion credentials.

Enfield's best home crowd of the season; but Hamlet's contribution (above) was 'under-whelming'; not least, given their play-off position and massive home gates.

They had brought a comparatively decent away crowd with them; though nothing that would hint at their impressive league-best average home gate of 1,343. To be fair, they did help deliver Enfield’s highest home crowd of the season, a healthy 614; but one was left feeling their following must be mostly restricted to home games only. Their average away gate so far this season (398) is barely more than Enfield’s 370 (which, somewhat oddly, is higher even than our average home crowd) despite Hamlet's average home gate being nearly four times higher than ours. Some additional, complicated and unexpected maths for you, there. Sorry! I have recently seen Dulwich referred to as "London's most hipster football club". I guess hipsters just don't travel. Perhaps all that transportation is simply not green enough for them? Perhaps too bourgeois? ‘Nuff respect to the commitment of The Towners’ travelling Ultras, then, by contrast. If Dulwich’s unimpressive away following was a shock, so was their taste in first team kits (that fetching pink).

Played in a swirling, driving, early-Spring wind, this was always going to be a game for keeping the ball on the ground. Enfield had the lions' share of early possession and threat; but without enough cutting edge. In one of the few early Dulwich attacks, Enfield ‘keeper Nathan McDonald was lucky not to be penalised for taking out Dipo Akinyemi in the penalty area, in smothering a goal-threat. Mostly, however, Dulwich looked happy to sit back, soak up pressure and look for opportunities to counter swiftly. Something they did to great effect after 26 minutes. Following a break and low cross from the right, Hamlet’s Roman Michael-Percil could only get minimal contact; but the deflected ball fell kindly to Jack Dixon, who steered a low, left-footed drive back in from the edge of Enfield’s 6-yard box, across McDonald into the far corner of the net. Against the run of play, Town were 0-1 down and their play-off hopes looked down and out. Having been booked (perhaps a little harshly?) for a deliberate handball, after 7 minutes, Hamlet's Matt Drage, however, then threw the game wide open. He saw a second yellow card and then a red one, just a few minutes after that opening goal, stretching to bring down Enfield's flying Mickey Parcell.

"Chee- ryo, Chee- ryo, Chee- ryo!" Grage's inevitable, early 'walk of shame'.

Consequently, the visitors’ Manager, Gavin Rose, shuffled his pack – introducing Mitchell Nelson for Kevin James – and Dulwich saw out the half without much further incident, despite their numerical disadvantage. He had clearly switched to a well-rehearsed 'Plan B'; and Hamlet continued to look very well organised.

Enfield select half-time brass, to try and help break down their visitors' resolve.

Mark Kirby (extreme left in the photo above) had recently rejoined Enfield as club captain. Despite the recent hiatus of his brief return to Hendon FC, Kirby remains the most capped Enfield player in the squad, after 260 club appearances. This was just his second fixture since returning; and he set a proper Captain’s example by finishing off a scrappy corner (the move pictured above) early in the second half, to draw the teams level. A period of consistent Enfield pressure saw no further scoring. That was until the 56th minute. Which is when Dulwich’s Nyren Clunis dispossessed Alfred Mugabo near the half-way line and set off down the right at speed, before sending in an accurate cross to the far post, which debutant Dipo Akinyemi (on loan from Stevenage) headed home, to the left of the flailing McDonald. Hamlet's ten men were 1-2 up, once again against the run of play; but they still had more than half an hour to survive, defensively, against numerically superior home opponents.

In the Hamlet goal, the busy Edwards made a series of decent saves. Though Enfield were guilty of finding him unerringly with far too many of their efforts, including  Harry Ottaway’s spectacular overhead strike from near the penalty spot; and of firing high and wide too often. In the 81st minute, however, Corey Whitely out-accelerated two defenders and latched onto a loose ball, just inside the edge of the Dulwich area. He rounded the keeper and remained composed, scoring neatly from a tight angle, to make the score 2-2. The remainder of the game would, unsurprisingly, be all Enfield pressure, as they searched for that "6-point" goal; but with no reward and to no avail. That brass band had worn down Dulwich a little; but not enough.

Whiteley celebrates scoring Enfield's second equaliser, near the corner flag.

A score draw, after playing against 10 men for an hour, felt more like a defeat; and did nothing to help Town close the points (and GD) gap on Dulwich. After the game, Town’s manager, Brad Quinton, summed things up neatly: “we deserved to get the victory, but we didn’t take our chances”. He also confirmed that it felt like two points lost, rather than one gained. In truth it was an important missed opportunity to improve the mathematics of the final weeks; and it would remain to be seen whether Town could now make up for that miss in their remaining 6 games. Or, rather, whether other clubs would slip up and let Enfield in. "It" was no longer in our own hands. "We need to win all six games", said Quinton. Surely, that's going to be a big ask? Indeed, an ask that starts with Brentwood away on Monday; and continues with Bognor Regis at home on Thursday. Come On, You Towners!

Late action in Dulwich's goal area, as the gloom descends ... on Enfield's many newly-qualified maths professors.

Stung! Of Flying Insects, New Football Stadia and Other Matters.

Barnet versus Oxford United

Saturday 19th March, 2016 - 3pm k-o
League Two

Yes, yes, we all know you've tuned in excitedly to see some of those complicated Ryman Premier League calculations; but first you must, like me, sit through a Division Two game, as a neutral. A former work colleague of mine (Jez) is a keen Oxford United fan of many years standing - and quite a few more sitting down. By way of a catch-up, we had agreed to head to a ground that would be new to us both, to follow the U's continued assault on the top of the table. 

Barnet FC no longer play at their spiritual home of "Underhill". They returned to The Football League this season, after a brief spell in the doldrums of The National League. However, Barnet no longer play in Barnet, at all. It's a long story, allegedly involving land leases, recalcitrant councillors, disgruntled club fans and much more, besides. It's all too convoluted a saga to engage in here, you may be pleased to hear.

Fans are asked not to demonstrate their linguistic skills: no French or German here, please; until after the EU referendum, at least.

Barnet are nick-named The Bees. See what they did, there? Clever, huh? And they play in the colours of a demented swarm of, well ... errrm ... bees. So their new ground is, of course, called The Hive. See what they did, there? Clever, huh? What else could it have been called? In exchange for leaving their home of 106 years, Barnet have been able to construct a modern, purpose-built stadium, within sight of "New" Wembley. The complex has several training pitches, ample parking, conference and executive facilities and one of the windiest locations known to North Londoners, where no self-respecting bumble bee would have ever have set up their hive. It also feels like a drive of about 10 nautical miles from the nearest civilised pub, through some of the most congested of residential streets. Jez was able to get there quicker from High Wycombe than I could manage from Enfield, just a few, short miles away, as the football crow flies. Long gone are the days when I could conveniently just jump onto a number 307 bus, to go and watch Barnet play. [As a foot-note here, I will admit to having been present at Barnet's first ever home football league match: an astonishingly naive 4 - 7 home defeat to Crewe Alexandra, played on Sat. 17th August, 1991 (is it really nearly 25 years ago, already?) at Underhill, of course, in what was then The Football League's Fourth Division. That was back in teh Barry Fry days. By virtue of some magic numbers and sleight of hand, that’s the very same tier in which they were to play Oxford today]

Jez, standing proudly with his ticket ... at the wrong entrance.

It was just a couple of day's after St. Pat's, so a celebratory Guinness may have been downed at our meeting point, to accompany a slap-up Wetherspoon's lunch. Which may also help to account for the fact that we then made a bee-line (see what I did, there?) for the home fans' entrance to the West Stand. No biggy! We simply spent about the next 10 minutes yomping around the entire perimeter of the ground to end up just c. 100 yards away from where we had started off. Some clear and appropriate signage might have helped all concerned.

Jez, now pitch-side ... having found the RIGHT entrance, just in time.

Barnet started the day in comfortable, mid-table obscurity. A reasonable position for a team newly returned from exile in "non-league" football. Although their fellow promot-ees from last season, play-off winners Bristol City, by contrast lay in 4th, with play-off hopes - and maybe more. Oxford United, meanwhile, were in second place, with high hopes of an automatic promotion place. They had sold out their away end (The North Terrace) and most of their additional ticket allocation, in The West Stand, too - which afforded good views of the ground and the game.

The West Stand. Away fans far outnumbered Barnet's swarm.

A closely-matched first half ended 0-0. Perhaps the incident most worthy of note was the sixty seconds of applause, impeccably observed by visiting and home support alike, after 19 minutes of play, for the 19 year-old Barnet season ticket holder, Chris East. He had recently "died of a suspected heart attack on the way to watch his beloved team ... on a bus, just yards from Barnet FC’s Hive stadium" (source: The Evening Standard). Such matters put fourth tier football - ALL football, in fact - firmly into its proper perspective.

A look at the background of the photo below reveals the Oxford team bus, parked behind the away end. It is rumoured to have formerly been the Bolton Wanderers’ team bus; but due to, errrm … some well-publicised “financial issues” ooop North, it is now owned and operated by a well-known local firm, called Tappins. Which also, coincidentally, seemed to be a good tactical suggestion to the Oxford players. Early in the second half, that's exactly what they did, to get the scoring started: Callum O'Dowda tapping in coolly, from inside Barnet's 6-yard box.

Oxford fans in the 'away' end (pictured) were to be tormented by a demented, over-sized honey-bee. "You're - Not - Sting - Ing - Any - More!"

After which, much of the second-half action was "one-way traffic", with Oxford doing most of the driving. Barnet worked hard but lacked the necessary edge up front, in particular. Whilst, just after the hour mark, O'Dowda ran in from the half-way line to score a second. One of the more creative forces on display was United's much-admired Kemar Roofe; but he was not to end up on the score-sheet this afternoon, that honour going solely to Callum O'Dowda (x2) and late sub. Danny Hylton. The latter’s 85th minute goal made it 0-3; and prompted a mass exodus of home fans. United's witty and sophisticated support spontaneously combusted into a chorus of La donna è mobile: "Is this a fi - yer - drill? Is this a fi - yer - drill?" It was not; but much of the home swarm did fly away home. In fact, there was a mass 'walk of shame' across the front of the main stand, due to the strange access layout of the stadium. "Cheeri-o, cheeri-o, cheeri-o ..."

"Exodus ... Movement of Jah People"

It was not a bad game for the neutral observer; and it was a very good game for those raucous, celebrating, partisan away fans, who did stay until the bitter end. A Barnet-supporting friend, Ryan, had planned to join us at the game; but he was poorly. Many of those home fans who HAD made it to the match were probably feeling fairly sick, too, by the end; given a master-class in closing a game out, "at this level". Their away win secured a 6-point advantage for Oxford over 3rd place Bristol Rovers, who themselves had climbed above Plymouth, courtesy of the latter's surprise home defeat to Luton Town and their own 1-4 away win in Wales.

Mixing My Metaphors: the visitors successfully drew the Bees' sting … AND put out their fire.

Whisper it; but Oxford could finally be on the verge of that next step back up the greasy pyramid of English football. We’re all Egyptians here, ain’t we? 

A Brace of Top-of-the-Table Clashes

1) Fulham versus Hull City - Sky Bet Championship
Saturday 23 January 2016 - Kick-off: 3:00pm
Venue: Craven Cottage, London - Attendance: 16,935
Referee: Paul Tierney

2) Fulham versus Burnley - Sky Bet Championship
Tuesday 8 March 2016 - Kick-off: 7:45pm
Venue: Craven Cottage, London - Attendance: 15,281
Referee: Dean Whitestone

You may be wondering what that attention-grabbing headline has to do with Fulham FC. Let me just make clear, however, that in each case, at least one of the two teams involved in the action was, indeed, at the Top-of-the-Table. I'll leave you to work out the specifics. I am continuing here with my catch-up match reporting. So I won't dwell overly long on the gory details of each game.

Turnstiles at The Hammy End (and a touch of floodlight "porn").

1) First up, came Hull City Tigers. An old friend, Graham, had invited me to join him in the Hammersmith End. A rare treat; and an opportunity to revisit the site of my youthful match-watching exploits (seeing George Best, Bobby Moore, Rodney Marsh, et al). How Fulham could do with a little of their magic star dust, right now. I am more likely to be found in the "Johnny Haynes" or "Riverside" stands, these days; watching the likes of Dan Burn, Ryan Tunnicliffe and Tom Cairney. Yes, I know. Go figure!

Fulham's club crest; emblazoned on the red brick facade of the Johnny Haynes stand: "the oldest remaining football stand in the Football League and professional football" (source: Wiki).

Friend Graham is sometimes referred to affectionately, by those of us in the know, as "Plumber to the Stars". It was just such a stellar engineering emergency on this Saturday morning that left us having our pre-match drinks after the action was all over; tucked away, off the Putney High Street at The Jolly Gardeners, in Lacy Road. There was not so very much to reflect on. Later, the Fulham FC website's match report would be head-lined: "A late penalty by Abel Hernandez earned promotion-chasing Hull City an undeserved three points at the Cottage" - http://www.fulhamfc.com/first-team/2015_2016/league/home/hull-city.

Early (dull) action at The Cottage; but a great view - thanks, Graham! 

There was not much else to say, as we morosely half-watched The Scarlets losing 10-22 to Northampton on the telly, in the European Rugby Champions Cup, whilst downing a few pints of excellent London Pride. It was just about the only Pride we had seen on display all afternoon, under glowering London skies. Hull had set out their attritional stall early, clearly planning for a valuable away point. As a result, they had 'enjoyed' just 33% of possession; but, as is so often the case, when it counted, our visitors had that little bit of class needed to take their chances - oh, and the softest of penalties. The result was Hull's fourth successive league win. Although three away points seemed unduly rich reward for so little effort. With Fulham's key striker, Ross McCormack, who had been linked with a transfer-window move to Middlesbrough, left out due to "illness" (though he was well enough to watch proceedings) Fulham registered just two on-target efforts in the whole game. Hull had not looked like Champions-elect, either; but that 0-1 final score did take them to the top of the Championship table. Meanwhile, Fulham were left with just one win in 14 league attempts, having not kept a clean sheet in the league since October. The result also meant that "new" boss Slaviša Jokanović was still awaiting his first success since taking charge at The Cottage, at the end of December. It left Fulham looking lacklustre and vulnerable, in 19th place.

Some games give the grateful few in the 'executive' boxes time to meditate, whilst enjoying views of rowers and ducks on the Thames. THIS was one such game.

Hull manager Steve Bruce summed things up pretty accurately: "You have to show a certain resilience, especially in the middle of winter coming to places like this. Fulham played well today but we were always comfortable... It's not all about playing nice football." It certainly wasn't, in this match. I thanked Graham heartily for the temporary loan of his spare season ticket and seat; but, in truth, our post-match beers and fire-side chat had been at least as entertaining as the game itself.

2) Bearing the above experience in mind, it was somewhat ruefully that I arranged to meet up with an old college buddy and her Burnley-following husband, a few short weeks later, for a mid-week evening game in early March.

Emma and Simon; Emma and me - she has respectfully removed her hat for the second shot - and there's some floodlight 'porn' in the background, by way of a bonus. Am I  full of 'rue' already? Or was it just the Guinness and Löwenbräu beer?

Having first 'refreshed' ourselves thoroughly at The Oktoberfest pub, on the Fulham Road, we were in good spirits to be treated to a much better game than when Hull had visited. The entertainment level was no surprise, given that the game saw the Championship's two highest-scoring teams pitted against one another. There was plenty of end-to-end action; with the lead changing hands several times. Nil-One; Two-One; Two-Three. There was plenty of rain, too and a slippery surface ... but also, alas for Fulham fans, a slippery Joey Barton. The latter managed a series of world class fouls and also earned the dodgiest of dodgy penalties, that would finally decide the game - when only the referee saw any infringement. He might easily have already been sent off for an early bath by that point; but remained unbooked. None of this will come as much of a surprise to serious Barton-watchers. If he makes it back to the Premiership with Burnley next season, he will surely be booked for each and every "challenge", should he repeat any of those perpetrated on Fulham's players, but deemed fair during this game.

Kick-off at The Cottage. Football dreams (and nightmares) are made of these.

As I may have previously mentioned, the refereeing "at this level" leaves much to be desired. Amazingly, Barton remained un-booked throughout the full 100 minutes of thud and blunder. Has his timing really gone so completely? Or is he just the most cynical footballer playing anywhere in the top two flights of English football, at present? Yes, there is a constantly recurring theme on these pages regarding the terrible standard of refereeing; and this evening's game was no exception. Mr. D. Whitestone may well be one of the very worst referees officiating in English football. You don't need to take my word for it, though. Luckily, he has his very own Face Book 'fan' page, entitled "Dean Whitestone is the crappest ref in football". He clearly has form; and maybe Joey B knew this already: https://www.facebook.com/Dean-Whitestone-is-the-crappest-ref-in-football-137534436297104/

McCormack celebrates (prematurely, as it turned out) in front of the Hammy End. 

Burnley previously had not won at Fulham since 1980; but they always looked capable of scoring, through Vokes (who snatched a brace, including THAT penalty) and Gray. Just as Fulham always looked capable of scoring, through McCormack and Mousa Dembélé. All four would be on the final score-sheet (http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/35693546). Edging the game through the odd goal in five, Burnley were better value for their win than Hull had been; but only marginally. They had scored all three of their on-target efforts, while Fulham had managed just 2 from 6, despite hogging 56% of possession. The result was galling to all home fans. The Clarets marched on and stretched their lead at the top of the Championship; thanks in part to Middlesbrough's surprise simultaneous defeat at Rotherham.

The introduction of Billy the Badger couldn't preserve Fulham's slender half-time lead.

I headed disconsolately (once again!) for Hammersmith tube station  with the sound of Burnley fans singing, ringing in my ears; and that was just Emma and Simon's witty voicemail message on my 'phone. I took some comfort from what Face Book 'friends' explained later: that the result appeared to have been pretty much pre-determined. In an oddly relevant set of footnote statistics, it turns out that Burnley have been awarded the most penalties (x8) of any Championship side this season; while Fulham have had the least (x2) except for Charlton - but also the most awarded AGAINST them (x10). Was our fate, then, truly "written in the stars" - or merely in our handkerchiefs?

Fulham were left languishing in 19th place, just 2 points above the drop zone. I am sure this is not the position we were promised. What's worse, I never did find out the answer to that most burning of all footballing questions (thanks, Bill Harte!) as to whether or not Mr. Barton can still speak fluent French:
Zut alors - mais c'est la vie!

Where's Bazzer?

Chesham United versus Enfield Town
Sat. 24th Oct., 15:00 - The Emirates FA Cup 15-16

Long time, no blog entry; not since the fag-end days of late October, in fact. Fear not though, hardened sports fans. It’s not a sign that I have abandoned The Beautiful Game. Merely that I had temporarily lost the will to bore you with all the gory details of my spectating exploits. Now, though, I will pity you no more; and shall inflict upon you a stream of consciousness that you may never forget, will surely regret and from which you may never recover. It features: the FA Cup; the Championship; League Two AND the Ryman Premier League. Wow – what a roster! The featured games date back as far as the 24th of October; AND come from as recently as March; but perhaps I am getting ahead of myself there, as they sometimes say. Let me unfold the story more organically ... bringing you up to speed in short bursts.

After recently taking a Wolves-supporting former work colleague along to see a disappointing midweek game at Craven Cottage (see below, on this blog) on a Wednesday in October, I took a different (this time Leeds-supporting) former work colleague along to see another disappointing midweek game at Craven Cottage. You can probably see a pattern emerging, already. Fulham capitulated to a Leeds side under new manager Steve Evans, who were five places below them, having previously been on a run of three straight defeats. We were lucky to escape with a home point, which left us at the top of the bottom half of the table (i.e. 13th). I will not dwell on the details; although you can: http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/34524613

A long time ago, in a footballing galaxy that now seems so very, very, far, far away, a one-time international footballer called Barrington was a regular player in a Fulham side that was fast making a name for itself as a small, family club that was punching above its weight in the top flight. Perhaps that’s quite a topical recollection, given Leicester City’s current exploits at the top of the Premier League. Lambeth-born "Barry" was selected to represent three different nations; although he has only played for two of these in competitive fixtures: England C, The Cayman Islands and Jamaica. Among the many highlights of his time as a regular at Craven Cottage, over six seasons, was scoring an August brace at White Hart Lane, in the Premier League; as Fulham memorably beat Tottenham Hotspur 0-3 … and yes, I was there! This result, on top of an already poor start to the season (and followed by a 3–1 loss to his former charges, Southampton) effectively ended Glen Hoddle’s tenure as Spurs manager. Perhaps he was being punished for his sins in a former life? Fulham, incidentally, went on to “do the double” over Spurs, that season; but that is a whole other story - in a whole other life-time.

Enfield fans in party mood: they even had balloons!

Anyway, having not seen Bazzer play for nearly a dozen years, and just three days after that latest Fulham fiasco (briefly referenced above) I was keen to watch him turn out for high-flying Spartan South Midlands “Evo-Stick” Football League Division One outfit Chesham United - where he now holds down a role as player-coach, at the ripe old age of 43. The Buckinghamshire side were lined up to play Enfield Town in the FA CUP’s 4th (and final) Qualifying Round, at “The Meadow”. It seemed there was a near 50-50 chance he would play, given that he’d made nine appearances in Chesham’s previous twenty games. So off I set, in torrential, October rains, to pay homage to a former Fulham hero. My attentions were soon drawn elsewhere, though.

"The Meadow" - a picturesquely beautiful setting for some ugly refereeing.
Enfield are in yellow; Ottaway, briefly, was wearing 'skins'.

As is traditional “at this level of football”, the referee appointed for the match (a Mr. C. O’Donnell – and I think we can all guess what the “C” stands for) was a … trocious; and he set his stall out early on. Within the first ten minutes of the game, amidst some rumbustiously physical defending, Enfield’s Centre-Forward, Harry Ottaway, had his number 10 shirt “literally” torn from his back. The referee saw no infringement (the shirt having, apparently, wantonly shredded itself) and, unsurprisingly, Enfield were 2-0 down by half-time. The Towners have been very slow starters this season; but, once they get going, they are tough to stop – as the crowd of 759 were to find out. The second half saw Enfield going all-out to repair the first-half damage: dominating possession The late action was nearly all in the Chesham half and Ottaway justly scored a 90th minute goal from close in, to set up a hectic chunk of added time. The lively Ottaway (yes, him again) was floored in the six-yard box, in one of the last plays of the game. Almost inevitably (the ETFC match report said “remarkably”) the Enfield C-F was penalised controversially … presumably for breathing in the opponents’ penalty area. It was always a tough ask to come back from a two-goal deficit against 12-man Chesham; and, in the increasingly heavy downpour, Town’s luck was up. It was to be Enfield’s only defeat in a run of 13 games. A shame not to have at least earned a replay “at our place”(and more much-needed revenue for the fan-owned club). Perhaps predictably, Barry Hayles, alas, never did leave the Chesham bench. My pilgrimage had been in vain. Maybe, after all, I should have taken a leaf out of Chaucer's book, instead (*see footnote) and waited until "Aprille ... The droghte of Marche hath perced to the roote".

The Meadow's "Ryan Moran" Stand. Its roof now repaired (surely?) using some of Chesham's ill-gotten FA Cup revenue?

Hayles DID go on to appear in the next round (the “first round proper”). His wily guile and experience set up the only goal of that game to put (another of his former sides) Bristol Rovers out of the cup. I suspect Chesham by then may even have earned enough FA Cup revenue to repair the roof of their Ryan Moran Stand.

By the time we heard the final, disappointing blast of the disappointing referee's whistle, however, with the score still at 2-1, I couldn’t have given a t*ss. You, by contrast, can give one, here - should you choose to do so: http://www.enfieldtownfootballclub.co.uk/teams/65370/match-centre/2-29783

Time then, in age old tradition, to "concentrate on the league", instead, I guess.

Late action in the enfolding rain and (Enfield's) gloom.

Full-time: Chesham United 2 Enfield Town 1

Chesham United: Shane Gore, George Casey (Ashley Smith 72), Toby Little, Laurie Stewart, Curtis Ujah, Matt Taylor, Dave Pearce (Sam Youngs 77), Nick Beasant, Ryan Blake (Callum Woodcock 86), Brad Wadkins, Bruce Wilson. Unused subs: Stephan Hamilton-Forbes, Matt Nolan, George Fenton, Tommy Fletcher. Booked: Casey, Blake, Taylor, Beasant.

Enfield Town: Nathan McDonald, Mickey Parcell (Bobby Devyne 64), Ricky Gabriel, Claudiu Vilcu, Harold Joseph, Stanley Muguo (Dernell Wynter 77), Ryan Doyle, Nathan Livings (Samir Bihmoutine 45), Corey Whitely, Harry Ottaway, Tyler Campbell. Unused subs: Joe Stevens, Olumide Durojaiye, Tayshan Hayden-Smith, David Hughes. Booked: Whitely, Vilcu, Ottaway, Campbell.

Attendance: 759

*Culture Vulture Footnote: (lines 1 & 2) taken from
"The Prologue to the Canterbury Tales" by Geoffrey Chaucer (c.1340–1400)