1) Fulham versus Hull City - Sky Bet Championship
Saturday 23 January 2016 - Kick-off: 3:00pm
Venue: Craven Cottage, London - Attendance: 16,935
Referee: Paul Tierney
2) Fulham versus Burnley - Sky Bet Championship
Tuesday 8 March 2016 - Kick-off: 7:45pm
Venue: Craven Cottage, London - Attendance: 15,281
Referee: Dean Whitestone
Turnstiles at The Hammy End (and a touch of floodlight "porn").
1) First up, came Hull City Tigers. An old friend, Graham, had invited me to join him in the Hammersmith End. A rare treat; and an opportunity to revisit the site of my youthful match-watching exploits (seeing George Best, Bobby Moore, Rodney Marsh, et al). How Fulham could do with a little of their magic star dust, right now. I am more likely to be found in the "Johnny Haynes" or "Riverside" stands, these days; watching the likes of Dan Burn, Ryan Tunnicliffe and Tom Cairney. Yes, I know. Go figure!
Fulham's club crest; emblazoned on the red brick facade of the Johnny Haynes stand: "the oldest remaining football stand in the Football League and professional football" (source: Wiki).
Friend Graham is sometimes referred to affectionately, by those of us in the know, as "Plumber to the Stars". It was just such a stellar engineering emergency on this Saturday morning that left us having our pre-match drinks after the action was all over; tucked away, off the Putney High Street at The Jolly Gardeners, in Lacy Road. There was not so very much to reflect on. Later, the Fulham FC website's match report would be head-lined: "A late penalty by Abel Hernandez earned promotion-chasing Hull City an undeserved three points at the Cottage" - http://www.fulhamfc.com/first-team/2015_2016/league/home/hull-city.
There was not much else to say, as we morosely half-watched The Scarlets losing 10-22 to Northampton on the telly, in the European Rugby Champions Cup, whilst downing a few pints of excellent London Pride. It was just about the only Pride we had seen on display all afternoon, under glowering London skies. Hull had set out their attritional stall early, clearly planning for a valuable away point. As a result, they had 'enjoyed' just 33% of possession; but, as is so often the case, when it counted, our visitors had that little bit of class needed to take their chances - oh, and the softest of penalties. The result was Hull's fourth successive league win. Although three away points seemed unduly rich reward for so little effort. With Fulham's key striker, Ross McCormack, who had been linked with a transfer-window move to Middlesbrough, left out due to "illness" (though he was well enough to watch proceedings) Fulham registered just two on-target efforts in the whole game. Hull had not looked like Champions-elect, either; but that 0-1 final score did take them to the top of the Championship table. Meanwhile, Fulham were left with just one win in 14 league attempts, having not kept a clean sheet in the league since October. The result also meant that "new" boss Slaviša Jokanović was still awaiting his first success since taking charge at The Cottage, at the end of December. It left Fulham looking lacklustre and vulnerable, in 19th place.
Hull manager Steve Bruce summed things up pretty accurately: "You have to show a certain resilience, especially in the middle of winter coming to places like this. Fulham played well today but we were always comfortable... It's not all about playing nice football." It certainly wasn't, in this match. I thanked Graham heartily for the temporary loan of his spare season ticket and seat; but, in truth, our post-match beers and fire-side chat had been at least as entertaining as the game itself.
2) Bearing the above experience in mind, it was somewhat ruefully that I arranged to meet up with an old college buddy and her Burnley-following husband, a few short weeks later, for a mid-week evening game in early March.
2) Bearing the above experience in mind, it was somewhat ruefully that I arranged to meet up with an old college buddy and her Burnley-following husband, a few short weeks later, for a mid-week evening game in early March.
Having first 'refreshed' ourselves thoroughly at The Oktoberfest pub, on the Fulham Road, we were in good spirits to be treated to a much better game than when Hull had visited. The entertainment level was no surprise, given that the game saw the Championship's two highest-scoring teams pitted against one another. There was plenty of end-to-end action; with the lead changing hands several times. Nil-One; Two-One; Two-Three. There was plenty of rain, too and a slippery surface ... but also, alas for Fulham fans, a slippery Joey Barton. The latter managed a series of world class fouls and also earned the dodgiest of dodgy penalties, that would finally decide the game - when only the referee saw any infringement. He might easily have already been sent off for an early bath by that point; but remained unbooked. None of this will come as much of a surprise to serious Barton-watchers. If he makes it back to the Premiership with Burnley next season, he will surely be booked for each and every "challenge", should he repeat any of those perpetrated on Fulham's players, but deemed fair during this game.
As I may have previously mentioned, the refereeing "at this level" leaves much to be desired. Amazingly, Barton remained un-booked throughout the full 100 minutes of thud and blunder. Has his timing really gone so completely? Or is he just the most cynical footballer playing anywhere in the top two flights of English football, at present? Yes, there is a constantly recurring theme on these pages regarding the terrible standard of refereeing; and this evening's game was no exception. Mr. D. Whitestone may well be one of the very worst referees officiating in English football. You don't need to take my word for it, though. Luckily, he has his very own Face Book 'fan' page, entitled "Dean Whitestone is the crappest ref in football". He clearly has form; and maybe Joey B knew this already: https://www.facebook.com/Dean-Whitestone-is-the-crappest-ref-in-football-137534436297104/
Burnley previously had not won at Fulham since 1980; but they always looked capable of scoring, through Vokes (who snatched a brace, including THAT penalty) and Gray. Just as Fulham always looked capable of scoring, through McCormack and Mousa Dembélé. All four would be on the final score-sheet (http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/35693546). Edging the game through the odd goal in five, Burnley were better value for their win than Hull had been; but only marginally. They had scored all three of their on-target efforts, while Fulham had managed just 2 from 6, despite hogging 56% of possession. The result was galling to all home fans. The Clarets marched on and stretched their lead at the top of the Championship; thanks in part to Middlesbrough's surprise simultaneous defeat at Rotherham.
The introduction of Billy the Badger couldn't preserve Fulham's slender half-time lead.
I headed disconsolately (once again!) for Hammersmith tube station with the sound of Burnley fans singing, ringing in my ears; and that was just Emma and Simon's witty voicemail message on my 'phone. I took some comfort from what Face Book 'friends' explained later: that the result appeared to have been pretty much pre-determined. In an oddly relevant set of footnote statistics, it turns out that Burnley have been awarded the most penalties (x8) of any Championship side this season; while Fulham have had the least (x2) except for Charlton - but also the most awarded AGAINST them (x10). Was our fate, then, truly "written in the stars" - or merely in our handkerchiefs?
Fulham were left languishing in 19th place, just 2 points above the drop zone. I am sure this is not the position we were promised. What's worse, I never did find out the answer to that most burning of all footballing questions (thanks, Bill Harte!) as to whether or not Mr. Barton can still speak fluent French:
Zut alors - mais c'est la vie!
Zut alors - mais c'est la vie!
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