Sat. 16th April - The Ryman League Premier Division
Enough of the niceties, already! Let's just get straight down to the nitty-gritty business of trying to understand all those staggering statistics, arising from recent results in everybody's favourite non-league football division; and the preponderance of potential permutations. Calculators at the ready? Then let's begin. Those readers who are joining this unfolding story late, could do a lot worse than read the two earlier blog entries, below, first. As previously promised, this latest entry at last brings us bang up-to-date - finally.
It is an intrinsic element of The Beautiful Game in its 21st Century form that, at these late stages of the season's proceedings, football fans reach for a copy of the league tables, one absolutely last time. They dust off their long-forgotten mathematical skills, to try and reach a better understanding of their teams' (diminishing?) prospects. Well, the Ryman Premier League has now reached just that stage in its proceedings; and why should we be any different from the rest? With the unwelcome, mocking laughter of the football gods, ringing in our ears, there is nothing much else to do now but take an in-depth look at the situation - before it becomes too late to matter. Forget all the rolling news items about the UK's EU referendum, Queen Liz's 90th birthday, or Prince's passing at Paisley Park. This is where the serious stuff of our existence unfolds. As the late, great and eminently quotable Bill Shankly, of course, famously once said (perhaps only half in jest?): "Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I assure you, it's much more serious than that" ... and no more so than in the seventh tier of English football.
When we last "spoke" (see previous post, below) Enfield Town had secured two of the six-wins-in-a-row that manager Brad Quinton had demanded from his players. He had said it was the minimum requirement; but the truth was, after failing to beat 10-man Dulwich Hamlet, even that demanding "minimum requirement" might not prove to be enough. Enfield's fate was simply no longer in their own hands; which makes the maths complicated. What has happened since then though, Des?
When we last "spoke" (see previous post, below) Enfield Town had secured two of the six-wins-in-a-row that manager Brad Quinton had demanded from his players. He had said it was the minimum requirement; but the truth was, after failing to beat 10-man Dulwich Hamlet, even that demanding "minimum requirement" might not prove to be enough. Enfield's fate was simply no longer in their own hands; which makes the maths complicated. What has happened since then though, Des?
Well, just two days after that last reported match, The Towners entertained Grays Athletic and emerged victorious, thanks to a cool, calm Corey Whitely penalty in each half. The club's website headline said: "Town do just enough"; but it was not clear yet whether it really was going to be enough. We'd gone into the match relying on high-flying Bognor getting something out of their game against play-off rivals Dulwich. Not an unreasonable hope; but they did not. They emerged with nothing, in a 2-0 defeat. Although elsewhere, Kingstonian did do Enfield a favour when they dropped points at home to likely relegation candidates, Lewes. In a microcosm of this topsy-turvy Ryman Premier season, just two evenings later, Kingstonian then recovered their composure to hand Bognor their third successive beating. As a result, The Rocks' title ambitions suddenly looked to be, errrm ... on the rocks; but they would drop no more points in their next 5 games, re-exerting their earlier pressure on Champions-elect, Hampton & Richmond Borough whom, coincidentally, Enfield were scheduled to play away, on the final day of the season.
The week-end after their win over Grays, Enfield went on the road and comfortably stole all 3 points again, courtesy of a convincing 0-4 away win at Merstham. Just to make a game of it, both Kingstonian and Dulwich decided to drop points on that same day; both unable to get more than an away draw at Brentwood and Leiston, respectively. "Curiouser and curiouser!” Cried Alice (she was so much surprised that, for the moment, she quite forgot how to speak good English)* - see Culture-Vulture foot-note.
Two days later, Kingstonian then began a tail-spin of astonishing proportions. Wasting their several games in hand, they lost twice in eight days (home and away) to strugglers Farnborough; those defeats also sandwiching a third, miserable away result, at Staines. The wags on the Enfield terraces had been right, after all, then, about those 'points in hand' being better than beating about the birds in the bush. This string of late defeats had terminally dented Kingstonian's play-off hopes; and left Enfield with only one realistic rival for that final play-off place: those darned Dulwich dandies remained in the driving seat. The latter went to struggling Brentwood for a mid-week evening game, with the best wishes of every Towners fan urging on the home Essex side. Brentwood's boys responded and built upon their recent battling point against Kingstonian, by ... giving up an own goal in the second minute and going on to lose narrowly: 1-2. Ouch! So, in the week when Steve Davis finally retired (officially) from the professional game, Enfield find themselves needing snookers; and we are stuck right behind the Pinks, of Dulwich.
We arrived at THIS penultimate league game against "The Marketmen", still two agonising points behind Hamlet, needing to continue our run of consecutive wins that had now stretched to four; and hoping that relegated Lewes could yet do us a favour, away at Dulwich. That seemed unlikely; but stranger things have happened. You can see the pre-match situation outlined below. Regular readers may be all too aware already that scoring any one of those many missed chances 16 days earlier, against 10-man Dulwich, would have reversed our respective positions in the table, giving Enfield a one-point advantage. "Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda", as songstress Beverley Knight might have observed. Hypothetical "what-ifs", to be sure, do butter no parsnips!
We arrived at THIS penultimate league game against "The Marketmen", still two agonising points behind Hamlet, needing to continue our run of consecutive wins that had now stretched to four; and hoping that relegated Lewes could yet do us a favour, away at Dulwich. That seemed unlikely; but stranger things have happened. You can see the pre-match situation outlined below. Regular readers may be all too aware already that scoring any one of those many missed chances 16 days earlier, against 10-man Dulwich, would have reversed our respective positions in the table, giving Enfield a one-point advantage. "Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda", as songstress Beverley Knight might have observed. Hypothetical "what-ifs", to be sure, do butter no parsnips!
It would be vital for Town NOT to take Needham too lightly in this fixture, despite their lowly league position. They were far from safe, themselves; and we could expect more than just passive resistance from the Suffolk boys, whose away record this season has actually been better than their home form. Amongst their ranks was some serious Football League experience; not least in the shapes of Goal Keeper Danny Gay (formerly of Southend); Winger James Akintunde (on loan from Cambridge United) and Central Midfielder Kemal Izzet (formerly of Charlton Athletic and Colchester United - younger brother of former Foxes' favourite and Turkey International 'Muzzy'). On paper, then, Needham looked exactly the sort of motivated and capable opposition you would NOT want to face, when securing three points was crucial.
A minor point, perhaps also worth mentioning in passing, is that Needham's team list ran in strict numerical order. A right rarity! Only 17 squad members were listed on the programme team sheet; and, compared to the jumble of Enfield's player numbers, it looked like they would be very easy to identify and follow. See below.
Magic Numbers, part I: Needham's line-up numbering. It looks perfect for those of us with OCD. A little too perfect, perhaps?
Despite the sparse showing of (just about two dozen) Needham fans in the away end, the game kicked off in front of Town's second-largest home crowd of the season (577). Perhaps it was, after all, only fitting that such a healthy number of Enfield fans had shown up for their club's final, home league game. The turn out re-emphasised the importance of the hoped-for result; and the degree of belief the home crowd still had in the club's prospects. Presciently, the Towners' board had decided to take up the centre-fold of the match-day programme not with the usual, naked, pert, local lovely; but with a whole crowd of local beauties, captured during a better weather day (see below).
Artist's Impression (above) versus the cold reality (below):
home fans in regulation hats, gloves, scarves & winter coats.
The main features of the game's early play
were total Enfield dominance - and a bitingly cold North Middlesex wind. Fans
stood complaining that the wind chill meant it didn't feel like our final home
game of the season; but more like a Christmas holiday special. Town hit the
woodwork as early as the fifth minute; a powerful strike from Centre
Back Claudiu Vilcu, up for one of many Enfield first-half corners. It took
all of Danny Gay's Football League guile to keep the visitors in the game.
He made a string of fine saves and commanded his area well. At least until the
36th minute; when Town's second-highest scorer of the season, Bobby Devyne,
drove in a left-foot shot. Gay still managed to get his hand on the effort; but
not enough to keep it out. He continued to thwart Enfield's efforts after that
opening goal; and the half ended with the score-line at just 1-0.
Any residual Enfield nerves were largely
settled by a second goal added early after the break, in the 47th minute.
Super-skipper Mark Kirby made a nuisance of himself at yet another corner; and
his header was eventually put away by his Right Back, Harold Joseph. Needham
just wouldn't go quietly, however. Although the visitors struggled to gain
much possession, Town's Nathan McDonald was still called upon to make several
key contributions, in order to maintain the home side's 2-goal advantage. Enfield
battled without success to add to the score-line, despite dominating territory and
possession. Gay continued in fine form and Needham frustrated their rampant
hosts fairly well; if sometimes not entirely legally. Referee Nigel Smith
probably enjoyed his fifteen seconds of fame and finger-wagging, at
the most illustrious name on the pitch; before finally producing a yellow card
for Muzzy's little bruvver (#8, looking a little repentant / frustrated, below).
With just a couple of minutes left to play, manager Brad Quinton decided he should turn to his favourite substitute; the one character he can always rely on: himself. That vote of self-confidence turned out to be an inspired decision. With the game rolling relentlessly into added time, the 37 year-old Quinton was involved in a number of set pieces, on the Enfield left. Who should take this throw? I think will. Who should take this free-kick? I think I will. Until, with one of the final moves of the game, Bad Brad (#17, below) received a neat through-ball, with far too much space and time, from Tyler Campbell (#12, on the ball, centre, captured in mid drag-back). Quinton turned, looked up and, seeing Gay well off his line and, for once, seemingly unaware of the potential danger, he sent an exquisite, high lob across the goal, over the retreating guardian's head; and just under the cross-bar, into the top-right corner of the Needham net: 3-0. Grinding out results had finally become a good Enfield Town habit. If only such success could have started somewhat earlier in the season, the league table might now look very different.
From this move, substitute midfielder Quinton would receive, turn and score the best goal of the game; possibly of the season.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, everybody seemed to want to celebrate with (occasional player-) manager, Bradley. Yes, the age-old tradition of "licking up" to the boss was still alive and kicking in Donkey Lane. Even the wintry sun had come out to play. Finally!
That's Gay, that is ... despondent, in front of Enfield's main stand. The visitor's excellent 'keeper couldn't single-handedly maintain Needham's hopes for vital survival points.
In an unexpected development, it turned
out that Needham had actually lied on their team sheet, about that easy-to-follow numbering. Perhaps it was in the hope of confusing the
Towners defence. The club's top-scorer, Michael Brothers, had craftily refused
his published #9 shirt, preferring the rarely-seen #19. Regardless, he drew a
blank. I will leave it to the referees and barrack-room lawyers amongst us to
decide what technical infringements (if any?) had occurred, here.
Magic Numbers, part II: Izzet and Brothers ... or is it?
After the game, Enfield's manager was suitably effusive, after securing his fifth successive win (and that stunning, final goal): "it’s been awesome. Everyone has been performing...we play for everything”, Quinton said. That's probably just as well, since - as the penultimate league table, below, makes clear - Town's fate remains in the hands of their rival teams; and the football gods. There's everything still to play for; but, with Kingstonian now, remarkably, out of the mix altogether, we travel to the champions-elect on Saturday, needing an away win to have ANY chance of securing that final play-off place. A draw would be worthless. Even a win might well also be so. If Dulwich can only secure a single point on their travels to Needham Market, then their +9 goal difference will (surely) be enough to see them "home". Another, final victory would be Enfield's sixth in a row; as demanded by Bradley, just those few short weeks ago; and it's still not impossible that we might land it. Hampton & Richmond Borough sit pretty at the top of the table, it's true. They are three points clear of Bognor Regis Town, with a +4 GD. Bognor, however, play at home to 18th-placed Hendon, for whom the game is a 'dead rubber'; while Hampton will, of course, host the 'hungry' Towners - who will have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Will that situation be enough to harden Hampton's resolve; or will the pressure make them fluff their lines? The home side ("The Beavers" - I kid you not!) boast an impressive level of Football League experience, pedigree and 'nouse' across their squad. As well as a pair of loan-ees from Brentford and AFC Wimbledon, they also have at least 8 other players with Big League smarts. Not least their Dominican international (OK, so he was born in Kilburn - but who's gonna quibble over that?) Richard Pacquette, whose profile suggests he may have played for about half of all the clubs in the South-East of England. Including a number of decent Football League sides; and QPR.
Town go into the final weekend as the form side in the league, over the last seven games: unbeaten in eight. Meanwhile, they also know that Dulwich Hamlet are by no means guaranteed any additional points, on their own travels to Needham. Their Suffolk hosts (The Towners' latest victims, of course) currently inhabit the final, unwanted, relegation berth. They could surely have no better motivation than to try and over-take Burgess Hill Town with their final roll of the dice; and they will know that they do need all three points to have any realistic hopes of surviving, given their -10 GD versus the Sussex side. That suits Enfield nicely, whose fans will be hoping that Gay can recreate his Donkey Lane heroics; that Izzet's 35 year-old legs can dominate Dulwich, as they (fortunately) failed to do against Enfield; and that Akintunde can get on the score-sheet ... several times! An early home goal could certainly put the Suffolk cat amongst the South-London pigeons - or something. The Marketmen will also be buoyed by the possibility that Burgess Hill will be heavily out-gunned in their own tussle with play-off qualifiers Tonbridge Angels. By way of a rough guide to the likelihood of Enfield's hopes: current on-line odds for a Town victory are 9/2 (2/5-on for a defeat; and 7/2 the draw). Meanwhile Needham and Dulwich have only ever played each other once in the league ... with The Marketmen picking up a rare away win. We will be hoping they can complete an unlikely 'double' over South London's finest. Complicated, ain't it? Or perhaps the situation is sheer simplicity, itself. All of this to unfold on Saint George's / Shakespeare's Day! It makes me think about drafting out an appropriate little speech**:
Town go into the final weekend as the form side in the league, over the last seven games: unbeaten in eight. Meanwhile, they also know that Dulwich Hamlet are by no means guaranteed any additional points, on their own travels to Needham. Their Suffolk hosts (The Towners' latest victims, of course) currently inhabit the final, unwanted, relegation berth. They could surely have no better motivation than to try and over-take Burgess Hill Town with their final roll of the dice; and they will know that they do need all three points to have any realistic hopes of surviving, given their -10 GD versus the Sussex side. That suits Enfield nicely, whose fans will be hoping that Gay can recreate his Donkey Lane heroics; that Izzet's 35 year-old legs can dominate Dulwich, as they (fortunately) failed to do against Enfield; and that Akintunde can get on the score-sheet ... several times! An early home goal could certainly put the Suffolk cat amongst the South-London pigeons - or something. The Marketmen will also be buoyed by the possibility that Burgess Hill will be heavily out-gunned in their own tussle with play-off qualifiers Tonbridge Angels. By way of a rough guide to the likelihood of Enfield's hopes: current on-line odds for a Town victory are 9/2 (2/5-on for a defeat; and 7/2 the draw). Meanwhile Needham and Dulwich have only ever played each other once in the league ... with The Marketmen picking up a rare away win. We will be hoping they can complete an unlikely 'double' over South London's finest. Complicated, ain't it? Or perhaps the situation is sheer simplicity, itself. All of this to unfold on Saint George's / Shakespeare's Day! It makes me think about drafting out an appropriate little speech**:
"... And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here;
And hold their manhoods cheap ..."
At least there has been no dodgy FA
interference, this season; no brutally decisive, last-minute points deductions.
So far! If Enfield (whisper it) fail this season, it will have been fair and
square, this time, for a change; and all their own fault. With a relatively simple explanation. An
old college buddy (Ed) maintains an unhealthy interest (some would say)
in a wide range of football statistics. He has provided the following,
gleamingly relevant example of his excellent work. This graph shows the
evolution of Enfield Town's season, at a glance; "warts and all"; and neatly illustrates where the problem lay.
Points earned are shown, less the number of matches played. From this, it is
very clear that The Towners foolishly gave the rest of the league more or less
a nine-game head-start. Which is rarely considered to be a good strategy, even "at this level". Brad's boys' current win record of five-in-a-row is very
impressive, certainly. It could yet become six, too; but all of that might still
prove irrelevant, if other parties were not to play their part, as described above. Fans could well yet be left contemplating that, if only we had started the season on the same day as everybody
else, then we could (perhaps?) have been clear, outright winners of
the Ryman Premier Division, this year. Rather than mere wannabe play-off
contenders. Equally, maybe the fault lies with the odd point dropped elsewhere, throughout the season; or the odd away defeat to strugglers? Or merely "in our stars"***. Although post mortem examinations have already begun at Craven Cottage into Fulham's latest malaise (who have "dropped a league-high 28 points from match-leading positions in the Championship, this season.") there's little point in launching those worthless investigations and recriminations just yet. Not while the fat lady is still just warming up in her dressing-room; and
not with all those big, crucial, inter-connected games looming, this Saturday.
Come On, You Towners! And Good Luck, You Marketmen ... not an
expression one hears very often in Enfield.
It remains to be seen whether we will yet have the opportunity to reconvene and follow Enfield's participation in the Ryman Premier League play-offs. Most serious sports fans will be hoping we do. If only as a brief distraction from the current prevalence of Vardy-mania.
There's also the more minor matter of the Middlesex County Cup Final, scheduled to be played on Saturday 7th May, between Enfield Town and Northwood (of the Southern Football League, Division One Central). We'll be hoping it provides us with one final day in the sun, before thoughts turn to foreign parts and distant, summer beaches. Although, as I said, that is definitely a more minor matter; and Towners fans would probably trade their Cup Final berth for a play-off place, in a heart-beat.
To Be Continued ... ?
Culture-Vulture foot-notes:
a) "Fine words butter no parsnips" - for an explanation of this phrase's meaning and origins, see: http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/fine-words-butter-no-parsnips.htmlb) *lines taken from Lewis Carroll's "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" - which you already knew.
c) ** Henry V: Act 4, Scene 3 - in the English camp
d) *** Julius Caesar: Act 1, Scene 2
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