Monday, 30 April 2018

You've Never Had It So Good!

Like London buses, you wait months for a match report from the fabulous Football Pharaoh; only for several of them to come along, all at once. Grab a large coffee, or something stronger; and kick back to these deep, meaningful reflections from The Beautiful Game's grass roots. With obscure musical connections built in (see sources, at foot of page).

We've reached that time of year in the English football season, when the range of permutations and possibilities begin to diminish for most teams, at every level of the game; whether that be in connection with titles, promotions, play-offs, cup tournaments or relegations. As most readers will already know, this occasional blog follows the fortunes of two particular teams most closely: Fulham FC and Enfield Town FC. So where does this stage of their respective seasons find them both, you might be wondering? Let's start to answer that question with a look at The Towners.



"... The penultimate opposition;

Just one more hit before I can die" *

Enfield Town vs. Worthing

Saturday 21st April, 2018 - The Bostik Football League - Premier Division 3pm k-o


Enfield ended last season with no manager and few players; after a chunk of the squad decamped, with their old boss, to pastures new (namely the National League South's Braintree Town - in the tier above Enfield). This has, as a direct result, been very much a season of rebuilding for Town, in a year when there would be only one team relegated from the Isthmian Premier Division, due to league ‘restructuring’ – of which more, in a future post, perhaps. Against that background context, Enfield deserve some credit. They reached their penultimate game of the season, against Worthing, "safe" and with little left to play for. This would also be the club's final home game; and Enfieldians turned out in their droves (or, at least, 458 of them did, to be precise) to mark the end of another relatively ‘comfortable’ Premier League campaign. The home side treated them to a display of dominant possession … but with little cutting edge, in the final third of the pitch.

Enfield (in white) dominate; but struggle to break through.

Suffice to say that the game's one moment of quick wit and fast feet resulted in the visitors breaking at speed, after yet another wasted Enfield free kick, to score the only goal of the game after just a dozen minutes. The remaining 78 minutes were made up mostly of Enfield huff and puff – but mainly just ‘guff’. For more details, see “Disappointing end to home campaign”



"And now ... the end is near ..." **

Merstham vs. Enfield Town

Saturday 28th April, 2018 - The Bostik Football League - Premier Division 3pm k-o


Undaunted by that defeat, the following weekend I ventured south, for one of my rare away trips with ETFC for what the club website rather flatteringly described as a “mid-table end-of-season encounter”. Enfield fans travelled in hope, not least because Merstham sat second from the bottom of the league's form table, with the visitors in the top half. For this ‘new ground’, I crossed over London’s mighty river (venturing further south, even, than that infamous den of iniquity known as Croydon) to witness Enfield’s final road trip of the season. Merstham boast a ground in a rural idyll, cradled between those famously gently rolling motorways, the M23 and the M25. [I feel a song coming on: “Merstham boys; Merstham boys: laced up boots and cor-de-roys!”? ***] A defeat this time would drop Enfield below their hosts; but the Towners started proceedings looking as though they thought it would be rude not to allow Merstham that minor honour.

Enfield (in fetching pink) at Merstham's Hobbit-inspired (?) "Moatside" stadium.

For the first half-hour the visitors played too far apart from each other. Allowing their opponents the opportunity to break up their fragmented efforts and dominate play. In the final third of that first half, however, Town finally discovered that they actually WERE allowed to play closer together; and to string together more than just two consecutive passes at a time. As a result, Enfield proceeded to dominate most of the rest of the match; continuing after the break where they had left off. The net result, however, bore too much in common with their efforts the previous week. After 78 minutes, Merstham wrecked Town’s game-plan with a well-worked goal from down their left-hand side: 0-1 … again! Into injury time, then; and your intrepid reporter was contemplating the merits of an early departure, to beat the hordes of traffic caused by a crowd of 220. When what should occur but an unlikely equaliser nobody, surely, had really been expecting; not even against the league's second-worst form team. It was not the worst possible way to finish a season; since, now, the end (signalled by the referee's final whistle of the match) was VERY near, indeed. See “Season finishes with away  point”:
http://www.enfieldtownfootballclub.co.uk/teams/65370/match-centre/1-2865384


Honours shared, then (such as they were) and ETFC ended their lack-lustre season in a relatively respectable, mid-table(?) 17th position. They remained ahead of their final day opponents, by virtue of Goal Difference. A whole seven places and twenty points above the ‘drop zone’ inhabited by Tooting and Mitcham, alone. Yes, that’s just ONE team; not two. Town's season might have been oh so different, though, if it hadn't been for a run of 7 league games in quick succession (between January 8th and February 10th) which produced just a single point. Shoulda, woulda, coulda ... etc. ****



"A Rainy Night in ... Fulham" *****
Fulham vs. Sunderland

Friday 27th April, 2018 - The EFL Championship - 7.45pm k-o

Next we cross to West London where, after a disappointingly slow start to their season, Fulham found themselves in a rather different position to Enfield. With just two games left to play, they were sitting comfortably in third place in the Championship. Having already secured, as a minimum, a play-off berth, they were just one agonising point off an automatic promotion place, despite a superior Goal Difference. All of which meant they needed to win their Friday night match under the Thames-side floodlights, in order to keep up the pressure on their only rivals for that second spot in the table, which would bring with it automatic promotion back to the Premier League, Cardiff City. They are a club, incidentally, who had shared the gloomy ignominy of relegation from those same heady heights, along with Fulham and Norwich, back in the 2013–‘14 season. I was hoping this would be the last home game of the season; for which we would need to avoid the dreaded play-offs.

There was (isn’t there always?) both “Good News” and “Bad News” for The Cottagers, ahead of this match. The good news included a club record unbeaten run of 22 games, going into Friday night’s fixture. A run that stretched all the way back to December (the longest unbeaten run in the English leagues, apparently). The bad news, however, included the fact that their opponents on that cold December Saturday had been this evening’s visitors: Sunderland … or, as they were now known in the media “already-relegated” Sunderland. So, The Black Cats might finally have run out of luck and ‘lives’; but, surely, they had already proven that they knew the secret formula for spoiling a Fulham party, under the West London club’s former captain and manager, Chris “Cookie” Coleman. There was every chance that nerves might have an important part to play in Fulham’s performance and the game’s outcome. Good weather and a dry pitch would suit the home side and allow their slick passing game to tell, on inferior opponents. More bad news, though: by kick-off time, it had been raining for much of the day; and showed no signs of stopping. As drenched fans, both home and away, took up position in their respective stands, the rain began to intensify.


In what some might have considered a predictable match-day ‘script’, Fulham dominated early possession; quickly discovered they would receive little protection against Sunderland’s more ‘physical’ approach, from a consistently poor referee; struggled to find their passing range – and, against the run of play, went a goal behind within the first half hour, to an optimistic strike from a somewhat surprised 19 year-old:
“No one said it would be easy; But no one said it'd be this hard. No one said it would be easy. No one thought we'd come this far”******

If anyone had offered us, back in December, a run of 20+ games undefeated, Fulham fans would have unanimously 'had your arm off'. The sound of jangling home nerves, however, could now be heard all the way to Sheryl Crow’s California dream family home, in the Hollywood Hills. Suddenly, it seemed that was where most of the 21,849 present would rather have been. See: 

https://www.architecturaldigest.com/story/sheryl-crow-los-angeles-home-article -

California Dreamin'? Chez Sheryl. (source: Architectural Digest)


Fulham fans were, officially, now not happy; but they channelled their unhappiness into ever-louder, boisterous support for their team. Having started the night with tuneful renditions of “Cardiff City – We’re coming for YOU!”, for the benefit of the Welsh TV audience, at home; they now resorted to extolling the dangerous reputation of their manager, so as to put the frighteners on Sunderland’s players: “He comes from Ser – Bi – Ya. He’s gonna Mur – Der Ya”. Somewhat bizarrely, this desperate vocal tactic seemed to do the trick. After seeing the referee wave away their very strong shout for a penalty, Sunderland’s players also saw a 6-pass move swing play to the other end of the pitch, where loanee Piazon was the man in the right place to put Fulham level on the stroke of half-time… And those jangling West London nerves became, suddenly, somewhat calmer. There is, of course, no bad time to score a goal; but this was just about the very best timing there could have been. Home fans were relieved enough to actually be able to enjoy a routine, pitch-side interview during the interval with former club captain and “Great Escape” headed-winning-goal-scoring hero, Danny Murphy. Even the exhibition 5-a-side games for Under-8’s, in the shadow of the Johnny Haynes stand, now took on an entirely more rosy and entertaining hue.


Piazon (far right) calmly side-foots Fulham's all-important equaliser, on the brink of half-time. (source: FFC website)

Scoring in the 76th minute isn’t too bad an idea, either; and, fortunately for the Fulham faithful, that’s exactly what Mitrovic did. Some Sunderland fans might suggest he did so from an off-side position; but what’s a few inches, between friends? (fnah, fnah!). A visiting side which had spent much of the game wasting as much time as possible, within the rules (and sometimes outside of them, as their GK’s, yellow card duly demonstrated) now found the urgent need to speed things up in the search for an equalising goal that might salvage some Sunderland pride and a meaningless point. That would have been more than they deserved. Here was evidence that TV camera lenses distort perceptions of the balance of action on the pitch. Friends who had watched the game at home, on TV, later said, interestingly, that they thought Sunderland had played quite well; whereas this was decidedly NOT the case. See: 
https://www.theguardian.com/football/2018/apr/27/fulham-sunderland-championship-match-report


"Mitro's on fire!" The Serbian gets up, to head down - putting Fulham into the lead 
(source: FFC website)

The following day, without even kicking another ball in earnest, there was again both “Good News” and “Bad News”, for The Cottagers. The BAD news: Cardiff completed a comfortable 0-2 victory at Hull City on the Saturday, to keep themselves in the driving seat for automatic promotion until Sunday’s final fixtures of the season. Another win will see them secure Premier League football, next term. The GOOD news, such as it is: having collapsed at home 0-4 to Ipswich, even as Cardiff were cruising comfortably towards victory, Reading now visit the Welsh capital next week knowing that a defeat could yet consign them to relegation, if other results go against them. The thought of a battling band of “Biscuit Men” taking something from that last game is a flimsy final straw, at which Fulham fingers will, frankly, gladly grasp. Come on, Reading!


"The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step" - Lao Tzu


"Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side" *******

Walking Football at ETFC

Sunday 29th April, 2018,  10am k-o

My final thoughts return us to my community club, Enfield Town. Not content with spending my time on the terraces at the QEII Stadium, I have now also taken up the challenge of Over-50’s walking football at the club. As some of you will already know, this represents no change of pace, on my part, from the distant days of my prime(?) footballing years. I do also still have that all-important "yard in my head". Trouble is, it's a junk-yard, full of all sorts of scrap metal, scabby dogs and detritus.


We are a club section in our formative months, still; but Sunday saw us take our first tentative steps on the actual hallowed turf of Donkey Lane, ahead of a fund-raising charity match. We found that the pitch is not quite as smooth and level as you might think, if only viewing it from the terraces. Photographic evidence of play is shared, for the benefit of all doubters. The club proudly makes the following community-related boast, on its website: “In June 2017, the club were awarded the Charter Standard Community Club of the Year by the Middlesex Football Association, the latest in a proud line of awards to acknowledge all the hard work done to support the local community”… but this oldies’ walking football lark might yet be taking the whole inclusion concept just a little too far.
A slower game, played with a smile on its face - and a pint in its hand? Club coach and organiser, Ram, is second from right, kneeling front row.

Musical source notes:
* from 
Manticora’s 2002 "A Long Farewell”
** from Paul Anka’s “My Way”, based on the French song "Comme D'habitude"
*** adapted from "Hersham Boys", Sham 69's 1979 single
**** from Beverley Knight's 2001 single, 
"Shoulda Woulda Coulda"
**** adapted from Tony Joe White’s 1967 song "Rainy Night in Georgia"
***** from S. Crow's 1993 single, "No One Said It Would Be Easy"

******* from Lou Reed’s 1972 single, "Walk on the Wild Side"

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