That Familial London Derby - and yet another 'must-win' match

The English Premier League
Sunday 20th January, 2019, 4:00 pm kick-off - Craven Cottage

My son Callum intimated to me, back in November, that he'd like to watch his team (Spurs) play my team (Fulham) at Craven Cottage, this season. So I duly bought ludicrously over-priced tickets (at seventy-five of your English pounds each - it's an "A-game", y'know!) as part of his (and my) Christmas present. Another perfectly good game originally scheduled for a regular Saturday 3 pm slot, slightly spoiled by the overridingly complicit commercialism of the Premier League's servile re-scheduling of matches for TV. I still thought we could make a day of it, however, by having a relaxed Sunday lunch together, taking a stroll around South-West Central London, and visiting a gallery or museum before finally making our way to the game. It sounded like a nice idea to have some quality father-and-son time together, doing blokey stuff. At the time of initial planning, I had not reckoned on picking up a nasty and aggressive virus, over Christmas - and still being rather run-down, as a result, for dealing with a demanding Dad day. This is another negative aspect of the planning required, for fans actually attending our modern game, in the flesh. Long gone, those days of deciding last-minute, on the day, whether or not to go along to watch your 'boys'; simply handing over your shillings at the turnstiles, with everybody else.

Cal is a former student of History and Law. So a trip to a museum coupled with this fixture was especially resonant for him. As a historian, I hoped he would particularly appreciate spending some research time at the historic Craven Cottage stadium (home to London’s oldest professional club) with a fine view from our "Riverside" seats of England’s oldest surviving football league stand (the Johnny Haynes stand, opposite ours, on the Stevenage Road). The current Riverside Stand is expected to become “History” soon, itself. It is scheduled for redevelopment at the end of this season. Assuming the club's board don't wince and baulk at the proposed cost, in the face of a potential return whence we came, to The Championship. Whichever way the stand redevelopment plans go, the situation seemed to suggest that Callum could be amongst the last Spurs fans ever to sit in it, to watch his team play. Does it get any better than that, historically speaking?

Our classic (but expensive) view of footballing history ... possibly in more ways than one, come the end of this season.

We started with a Sunday steak lunch on Sloane Square, with a sunny, postprandial stroll to the venue for our cultural dessert: the National Army Museum. After which we also took on an 'amuse-bouche', in the shape of The Phene (Cal's choice: a posho's pub, as featured heavily in the low-brow TV show, "Made in Chelsea" ... Hugh Grant was NOT in the building). We then disdained the District Line and took a lift to the Fulham ground with Mohammed, from Mogadishu. He is an uber-Uber driver who, now, comes highly recommended. This last cheat saved us a good chunk of time and allowed us to soak up some 15 minutes of pre-match atmosphere inside the stadium, before the main event got going, under early evening floodlights.

Later, that old devil moon (see photo, below) would turn itself into a super-sized blood orange, under the influence of a total solar eclipse. Giving the 24/7 rolling news media an uncontroversial item with which to briefly sate their appetite for frenzied, repetitive and uninformative "news" coverage. For now, though, they would have to squeeze as much mileage as possible from the potential permutations of London's latest Premier League derby match. The questions for Fulham fans were: could our team eclipse (see what I did, there?) its pre-match billing and carry their A-game into play against 3rd-placed Spurs? And did they even have an A-game? It has been hard to tell, in recent months. Although the inflated face-value price of our tickets claimed that they indeed did, on paper at least.

Despite him not being renowned for his love of Fulham FC, Callum's and my journey brought to mind some historical, hundred year-old words, from anglophile Yankee wordsmith T.S. Eliot:

"Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky ...
Let us go and make our visit."

We had gone and made our visit; our pilgrimage to the shrine of London's earliest professional football. As had Tottenham Hotspur; both their team and a larger number of their fans than was strictly allowed. They did so, however, without the preferred company of the likes of 'Arry Kane, Son Heung-min, and Moussa Sissoko. Despite this, some punters, whom I hoped were being overly-optimistic, were still predicting a 0-4 scoreline - and Fulham were 5-1 ON for a home win, with the bookies. Did they not know that we had signed Ryan Babel? Many of the visiting Spurs fans had found a way of infiltrating the Riverside Stand seats. Crowd segregation at Premier League football grounds is clearly NOT, in reality, as well managed as it might claim/seem to be, on paper. In the unlikely event of a 4-0 scoreline, could there possibly be some old school, North vs. South London argy-bargy on the cards?

Some choreographed pre-match waving of big flags: what's that all about?

In a pre-match interview with The Observer newspaper, former Liverpool winger Ryan Babel stated he believes he has unfinished business in the EPL and wants to help Fulham survive. The 32-year-old had joined Fulham just that week on a short-term deal, until the end of the season. He has revitalised his career with Besiktas recently and won back his place in the Netherlands national squad. He says he still has "a burning ambition to prove some people in this country wrong". Let's hope he can deliver on that threat / promise. The same article states that Babel’s only previous experience of a relegation dogfight came in 2016, when he scored four times in five starts to help Deportivo La Coruna avoid relegation. Which would be a great model to follow. If he could only repeat that feat in our cosy little corner of South-West London, then I'd be perfectly happy.

The usual pre-match pretence of Premier League friendship and fair play ... before reality, inevitably, bites!

Keeping the "literary" theme going, club captain Tom Cairney features in an interview and his own notes in (and on the cover of) the match day programme. If he were to play against Spurs, it said, he would be making his 150th club appearance, on his 28th birthday. So, naturally, he did ... NOT play. His dialled-in contribution to the programme, however, was built upon the shoulders of giant clichés. Including: "we had a word at half-time"; "we tried to play more football"; "a win in a game like this could turn our season around"; [Babel has] "given the boys a real lift ... someone with his pedigree"; "hopefully he can hit the ground running"; "it's the best league in the world". Bingo! That's the whole set, right there. A full card of cliché contributions.

You can read the detailed match reports and what passes for sports 'journalism' on the game elsewhere, along the lines of: "battling Fulham" and "heart-breaking defeat" (e.g. at the FFC website; or in BBC coverage). The true tale of the game though was, in essence, simple enough to read: one team NOT taking its chances and failing to concentrate on the task at hand for 90+ minutes. The same team too content to sit back and try to protect a ever-vulnerable one-goal lead. An air kick (Tim Ream); a failure to read the flight of the ball, or even to get off the ground, to intercept a threatening cross (Denis Odoi); and a failure to track back in the dying seconds (Joe Bryan) were all Spurs needed, in the end, to upset the apple cart, spring the locks and "get out of jail free". When Fulham had, in fact, had the chances (including a blatant, stonewall, shirt tug of a penalty on Mitrović) and should really have got themselves 2 goals ahead in the first half - and "out of sight". You see, the Fabulous Football Pharaoh can do hackneyed clichés with the best of them, as and when he feels the need.

Oh, the result? It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. The narrowest of 1-2 defeats for Fulham, having deservedly lead for a large chunk of the game. At least it meant there would be no North vs. South London argy-bargy, after all. With no third goal looking likely in the match, we had been slowly heading towards the exit just as Spurs broke down the left, in the 93rd minute. Excruciating - and an undeserved kick in the thingies after a highly commendable, stalwart, under-dog, rear-guard action. Two 'schoolboy' defensive errors = two goals for the opposition ... for the the second week running. It would seem that Fulham have just not acclimatised, still, to the increased threat level of PL strike forces. Even Spurs' relatively blunted one.

In his programme notes, Cairney had shared the view that "if we hadn't won [the Championship play-off final, against Villa] the whole team would have been broken up". There's still plenty of time and opportunity for that though, come the end of THIS season, Tom. Time to start learning lessons and turning the talk into action, eh lads?!

Photographic evidence that it really HAD been that close a game, for the most part.

With all best wishes from your Fabulous Football Pharaoh, until next time. Which may yet be prompted by fellow keen sports fan George Lewis's planned February UK work trip, from the USA. An opportunity and excuse, if ever there was one, for a surfeit of soccer action, beers, fine wines, cigars, malt whiskies and old 'war' stories. Bring it on, George!

What's Another Year?

Norwich City vs. Derby County

Saturday 26th September, 2018: The English Championship, 3 pm k-o
Attendance 26,866

A three-time Eurovision Song Contest winner, Ireland's Johnny Logan, famously sang an anthem for broken-hearted football fans and doomed youth everywhere, back in 1980: "I've been crying such a long time, with such a lot of pain in every tear. What's another year?" And, as we reach the final knockings of 2018 it is worth taking stock of the fortunes of the Football Pharaoh's favourite sides - and some others.

Fulham FC have endured a tortuous start to their new Premier League life and will consider themselves lucky / happy to be going into 2019 just 1 point adrift of safety and 17th place. They go into their new school term with the headmaster's admonitions ringing in their ears: "Must Try Harder!" - and must resolve who's going to take the penalties.

Meanwhile, Enfield Town have enjoyed a first half which almost negatively mirror's Fulham's. A long, unbeaten start to the season was followed by a disastrous November, featuring five straight defeats in league and cup competitions. They remain, however, one of the stronger sides in the league, sitting pretty in third place, on the best Goal Differential of any side. A run of form at the start of 2019 would boost hopes of a promotion. That run could start as soon as this Saturday, when The Towners take on 4th-placed Lewes, in what looks like a promotion "6-pointer". The Pharaoh had planned to be there to bring you a 2019 view from the non-league terraces - but a nasty viral infection put paid to all of that.

The Pharaoh has not, indeed, been overly prolific in his football write-ups, so far this season. A new job has created major distractions in terms of my writing brief - but it has not stopped me getting along to some notable games across the length and breadth of The Pyramid. As well as contributing to the ongoing development of Enfield Town FC's Walking Football club, which is nearing the ripe old age of one year old. These outings have included a couple of Premier League games at Craven Cottage, each of which has defied the normal glory of a Pharaonic match report. Perhaps for obvious reasons:
Saturday 27 October 2018, Fulham FC 0 - A.F.C. Bournemouth 3
Saturday 15 December 2018, Fulham FC 0 - West Ham United 2

An immaculately observed minute's silence, ahead of Fulham's last home game before the WW1 Armistice Centenary. Fulham's players, alas, remained silent for the following 90 minutes, too!

Sometimes it can be more fun / less soul-destroying watching folk messing about on the river.

Billy the Badger and Santa setting the tone, with yet another pre-Christmas give-away, at Craven Cottage. Fulham's players took their lead and followed suit.

Both were games Fulham fans might have harboured hopes of harvesting something out of. But the footballing gods have not smiled kindly on either them or their now-"former" manager, Slaviša Jokanović. The Tinkerman, Claudio Ranieri, has taken up the reins and, to some extent stemmed the flood-tide of goals conceded - although largely at the cost of goals scored. The Good News? Since that stumble, at home to The Hammers, on a bitterly cold and wet Saturday evening before Xmas, Fulham have remained unbeaten - and have conceded just one goal in the last three games, after conceding 40 in the previous 17 games. A switch to a back five away from home and a more attritional approach in midfield may win more points - but likely few friends.

Despite that obvious performance improvement, it is still difficult to hope for much from an away game at The Emirates, on New Year's Day. Indeed, I had passed up the opportunity to see only Fulham's third win of the season, as recently as Boxing Day, in order to spend some quality time "On The Road" with former Guinness colleague Mike, en route to The Championship's match of the day. As title hopefuls Norwich entertained fellow promotion rivals, the recently renamed "Frank Lampard's" Derby County.

Fulham-Huddersfield may have entertained dubious fans with a penalty-taking squabble, following which Ranieri said he would have liked to "kill" French comedy-'footballer' Aboubakar Kamara (seriously, you couldn't make this shlt up - and the self-styled "AK47" is unlikely to hear his forty-seven guns roaring at The Emirates, next time out). Whereas Norwich-Derby had so much more to offer, all round.

 

Match-day programme, with curious artwork. It's a Norfolk thing!

So I set off up the A10, aiming for a car park in Royston. Passing Where?, sorry passing Ware and the Silver Ball Cafe on the London Road, at Reed, before meeting Mike outside the gents' toilets at Tesco. It's a long story, and one on which we need dwell no longer, here. A traditional Xmas fixture day was then enjoyed by all.

Or, at least, some. One hundred hungry miles were swiftly eaten up in football and work reminiscences and general catching up. All followed by a pint of Adnams and a sausage roll at the Trafford Arms, before a leisurely stroll to the Carrow Road Stadium to soak up 10 minutes of pre-match atmosphere before the big game finally kicked off. After which, there was plenty more to keep us satisfied. See the BBC's match report

It was a seven-goal thriller to warm the very cockles, on a rapidly cooling December afternoon. That despite the normal, poor and erratic standard of refereeing "at this level". After 35 minutes of attractive, possession football by Norwich, and with a 2-goal home lead, most sweep-stakes were taking bets only on how many The Canaries would end up winning by. But football is, famously, "a funny old game". She has a habit of stealing away your Christmas presents, just when you least expect it. And so it was that, out of nothing Derby conjured the most unlikely of late first-half goals. Twice! Norwich went into the half-time break looking like they'd gone 12 rounds with Mike Tyson, as they left the pitch counting their ears.

A tense and cagey second-half ensued. One much more balanced than the first half had been. Both sides largely cancelled each other out. That was until the 81st minute, when Norfolk's favourite Finnish footballer (Teemu Pukki) struck his second goal of the game. Things were so exciting that, as the Norwich players celebrated, one set of floodlights failed.

"We're Norwich City - we'll play in the dark!": singing Norwich fans, hoping their 'bright' idea will convince the referee to keep the players on the pitch.

After standing around clueless for some minutes, listening to a serenade from the home fans, inept referee David Webb finally led both sides off the pitch. Light conditions were still perfectly good (far better, indeed, than at the start of most floodlit games at Donkey Lane) but the FA's arcane rules on the level of lumens required and their consistent availability left the official with little wiggle room. With nothing much better to do, and with the temperature continuing to drop, both sets of fans spent the while bouncing up and down a lot and singing some of their favourite ditties, in an effort to keep interested and warm.

The clock says "84 minutes" ... so where have all the players gone?

The home club's management will rue an expensive blown fuse. After re-emerging some 20 minutes later, to finish off the tie under fully repaired lighting, Daniel Farke opted for some strategic substitutional changes - which back-fired richly, like an over-cooked plate of seasonal Brussels sprouts. Bringing on a defensive midfielder (Trybull) for the booked Vrancic and the forgotten man (Jordan Rhodes) for two-goal hero Pukki seemed to unbalance the home side. First it lost them their narrow lead. Then it resulted in an injury time winner from the visitors. A couple of great, late efforts saw Rhodes unluckily hit the bar and Todd Cantwell's fierce volley turned away to his left brilliantly by Scott Carson. Fat Frank said he'd never before been involved in a match like it. I suspect he'd happily take a repeat every remaining weekend of the season.

Due to the floodlight-induced delay and the overturned lead, we made our way later than anticipated amongst a subdued home crowd, back via the long walk of shame to my car. There followed the long drive of shame back to Tesco's car park in Royston. Mike searched all known media sources, without success, for a final score that better reflected the balance of play and his hoped-for win. But there were no more Christmas presents to be had. Not even in the virtual world. Norwich would not end 2018 at the top of the table, then. And with Leeds losing at home to Hull, they could have done, had the floodlights just stayed on.

With such a lot of pain in every tear. What's another year?

All the best for 2019 from The Football Pharaoh

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step" - Lao Tzu

Enfield Town vs. AFC Hornchurch

Saturday 18th August, 2018: The Bostik Football League - Premier Division 3 pm k-o

Attendance 443 

ETFC Walking Football Club tournament participation - Saturday 11th & Saturday 18th August, 2018

It seems Mr. Tzu (quoted above) might well have been presciently referencing the developing sport of Walking Football, c. 2,500 years ago. Recently, a representative squad of Enfield Town Walking Football Over-50’s went “On The Road”, like Jack Kerouac, for their first away tournament. It would have been remiss of the Pharaoh NOT to join them, to explore some of the lower, or at least newer, reaches of The Beautiful Game.

Just 7 months after the foundation of this new, community sports outfit, housed comfortably within the Enfield Town family of clubs, they found themselves "going to St. Ives", in Cambridgeshire; where they reached the final of the 6-a-side plate tournament, in a competition featuring a range of longer-established and well-organised sides. Despite losing in their final, ETFC managed to rack up a couple of excellent wins, including one which featured the biggest winning margin of the whole event: a comfortable, slick and 'sexy' 5-0 victory over Huntingdon. To be sure, it was a long journey to St. Ives and back, both metaphorically and literally; but the Towners were relatively happy with their first away foray. No silverware quite, perhaps; but there were lots of learnings taken and some tidy football was played, at times. As Jack Kerouac himself might have said, about our road trip: “Live, travel, adventure … and don't be sorry.”

ETFC Over-50's Walking Football Squad, basking in Plate Final glory - and the St. Ives sunshine

Thanks go to our ETFC 'parent' club, for continuing to take the development of their Walking Football section seriously; supporting us with recent features in the club's match-day programme AND on their website.

A week after our St. Ives trip, it was time for a 'double-header', of sorts, at the QEII Stadium. A noon kick-off saw fans of AFC Hornchurch take part in a 4-team round-robin 5-a-side mini-tournament against their hosts, Enfield Town Walking Football Club – before the ‘main event’ of the day kicked off at 3 pm. That was to be Enfield Town vs. AFC Hornchurch, in their Bostik Premier League fixture. Both of these 1^st XI’s were unbeaten, after their first two league games of the new season, going into the fixture; and both maintained that status. Unfortunately, the young whipper-snappers of The Towners' Bostik League XI gave up a precious 2-0 lead, late on (after some perhaps injudicious and defensively-minded substitutions?).

Liam Hope (" ... hope, hope" 🎵 - in white, centre) easily beats his marker to the ball in the 51st minute; and clips a neat, right-footed shot in at the 'keeper's near-post, to extend his club record goal-tally: Enfield 2 - Hornchurch 0 ... for now!

Club fans felt they had been ‘mugged’ by the visitors; but credit to a disciplined Hornchurch side who had come with a sound game plan - and executed it uncompromisingly. A two-goal lead had always felt precarious. Once Hornchurch had pulled one back (from a late free-kick) the home side's nerves had been exposed; and an equaliser had seemed almost inevitable (see full match report, here). Enfield’s more mature club-mates, however, had given a very strong account of themselves, earlier in the day, during their round-robin event. So perhaps honours were a little more than shared, overall?

ETFC club vice-chairman, Paul Millington, had entered an invitational team; and ETFC Walking Football had put out two more sides, with a scratch team from Hornchurch Supporters Club rounding out the four participating sides. Each team played 3 games; and there were 6 matches in total, played across 2 pitches. All of the fixtures were played in the right competitive but friendly spirit; and Enfield were able to provide two volunteer referees from within the club (many thanks, again, to Nick and Steve for officiating).

Twenty men - and no boat! Hornchurch & Enfield players happily mingle for a post-event snap-shot.

ETFC “A” (made up of the core of the previous weekend’s St. Ives tournament side) won all three of their ties and headed the table. Paul M’s team managed a win and a draw and finished 2nd. ETFC “B” racked up two draws, to finish 3rd. While Hornchurch recorded one draw. The visitors, however, had improved as the tournament wore on; finally starting to get to grips with some unfamiliar rules. They will surely give a far better account of themselves if we are able to organise a repeat tournament, when ETFC visit Hornchurch, for their return Bostik League fixture – currently scheduled for 16th February.

Final Round-Robin Tournament Table

Enfield “A”                                              9 points

Paul Millington’s Invitational              4 points

Enfield “B”                                             2 points

Hornchurch Supporters                       1 point

The Enfield squad members and invited guests are listed below. Many thanks go out to all those who came along and joined in the fun, including spectators - and Hornchurch Supporters Club, of course.

ETFC “A”

Bruce Palmer

Cem Ahmet

Chris Kalli

Des Harney

Sal Syed

ETFC “Invitiational”

Paul Millington

Leon Aresti (GK)

Dave Bryant

John Dolan

Dave (Hornchurch Guest)

ETFC “B”

David Exley

"Dusty" (Kevin)

Emi

Igy Principato

Tommy Moss

“There is nowhere to go but everywhere, so just keep on rolling under the stars.”

Walking Football … coming to a pitch near you soon. If not sooner. Our Over-60’s side will be competing in a tournament at Southbury Leisure Centre, at the end of September.