"When the Going Gets Tough ..."

Brentwood Town versus Enfield Town

Ryman League Cup
Tuesday 18th August, 2015 – 7.45pm kick-off

The date 18th August 1940 has become known in history as The Hardest Day, due to the scale of casualties suffered by both sides in the air war over Britain, between the German Luftwaffe and the Royal Air Force. Seventy-five years later to the day (18/8/15) might well be dubbed by non-league football historians (both of them) as The Hardest Evening. Starting at 7.45pm, Enfield attempted to break their duck in the new Ryman Premier League season. Not only had they failed to win a game so far, in three attempts in the league; not only had they failed to earn a single point; but they had also failed to even register a single goal. Brentwood hadn't fared much better. Truly, it had all the makings of The Longest, Hardest Evening. So I invited a couple of old college buddies along to share my pain. Bill & Jez were both up for the challenge. Not lease because Brentwood is an awful lot easier for both these Essex boys to reach than Enfield. Our combined age is too great to admit to here; but each of us is barely any older than one ever-green Teddy Sherringham, MBE. I saw Sir Edward earlier in the day at the Waltham Abbey Marriott Hotel, with his Stevenage Borough players, ahead of their game at Orient. When I leaned over to my Kiwi work colleague and mentioned Sherringham's presence and his playing record (three Premier League titles, one FA Cup, one UEFA Champions League and both the PFA Players' Player of the Year and FWA Footballer of the Year; scorer of the equaliser and provider of the assist for Manchester United's winning goal in the 1999 UEFA Champions League Final against Bayern Munich).... he was suitably non-plussed by my reference to the former England, Man United and Spurs goal-hound. Thanks, Ben! I took my sighting of him as a positive omen for Enfield Town's chances later that day, anyway. Especially when I discovered that the matchday sponsors were "Marriotts" (see programme cover, above). Spooky, eh?!

The Three Amigos: DH; Bill & Jez

It is not often that I find myself ahead of Wiki with local knowledge; but that’s where I was on Tuesday night, with more than a little help from Jez. Mr. Crook is a former primary school head-teacher. He is also a former non-league footballer of some stature, himself; having been a stalwart of Chelmsford City for many seasons … too many seasons ago to care to remember, today. Before the game, Jez introduced Bill & me to an old buddy of his; another seasoned player who would spend the evening polishing up the wooden bench with his Brentwood Town F. C. shorts. Wiki reliably informed us that “Tarkan Mustafa … currently plays for Canvey Island”. Not any more, he doesn’t! He has previously played in the Football League for both Barnet and Rushden & Diamonds. With a long roster of professional and non-league clubs to his name, Tarkan has two other great claims to fame: 1) In 1999 he scored the winning goal in the FA Trophy final for Kingstonian against Forest Green Rovers; and 2) He makes regular trips out of the UK to appear in a variety of publicity materials and media as Christian Ronaldo’s body-double. Bill, meanwhile (also a senior teacher; but in secondary schooling) knows very few non-league footballers. He is a Colchester United and West Ham fan; and one of his own claims to fame is that he taught Connor Wickham (Premier League superstar and once one of Colchester's finest!?) for a time.

My visit to Brentwood was made all the more interesting than usual by the potential presence of former Enfield Town strike partners Liam Hope (still the club’s record goal-scorer) and Mitch Hahn. Liam didn’t even make the Brentwood line-up, although he was present in the stands in his new club’s tracksuit; while Mitch did start the game as captain … but at Centre Back! As for all the other players, the pre-printed team selections on the match programme could hardly have been designed to be more misleading; which caused some confusion in the opening minutes of the game: only 4 of the starting line-up for each team were as shown in the programme. With so many changes from ther regular line-ups, neither side seemed to be taking the Cup too seriously. Oh, and it seemed to bode no good that the busiest (and fittest) man during the warm-up seemed to be the chap retrieving all the balls that had been launched out of the ground.

Most of the necessary gory minutiae can be found in Ken Brazier's match report on the Towners club website, so I won't repeat the crime and duplicate his coverage. 

See: http://www.enfieldtownfootballclub.co.uk/teams/65370/match-centre/2-27737. Or, if you prefer the home perspective, check out Martin Voller's version, here: http://brentwoodtownfc.co.uk/the-news/820-enfield-s-quickfire-double-sends-brentwood-town-out-of-league-cup

Corner flag and Floodlight "porn".

In front of a disappointing crowd of just 85, for me, the dominant force in a largely stale first hour was Brentwood’s big Centre Forward, Assombalonga. He received, held, held-off and was, in general, a right nuisance; not least because "he wanted it more". After the opening goal, I was all for re-drafting a headline based on that old chestnut from the Daily Mail (23/9/13): “Assombalonga Inspires Conga” - even though there wasn’t much dance action happening around the home end. And, anyway, that original had been written about Brit - and this was 20 year-old Christian. When he was surprisingly substituted by his manager Dean Holdsworth (yes, THAT Dean Holdsworth!) after 59 minutes, his job apparently done - to be quickly followed off by Holdsworth’s son, Jordan - Brentwood rapidly lost most of their shape and threat; and all of their control. A quarter of an hour later, they were 1-2 down, never to recover; their Ryman League Cup hopes shattered for another year by a premature double-substitution which, surely, had more than half an eye on Saturdays league fixture. Oops!

Sunset over Brentwood (in blue) and a first-half flick on from a long throw-in.

So, in summary, just fifteen minutes away from their 4th successive defeat, Enfield were allowed to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. While the football may not have been overly entertaining, the three amigos decided that, overall, the effort had been well worthwhile. Fixture lists will be scrutinised hard for a more worthy follow-up game. Was it their presence, or the earlier talismanic appearance of Teddy Sherringham, that had brought a change of fortune? You can make up your own mind; but Stevenage lost 3-0 at Brisbane Road that night. Coverage of Enfield Town league action will return soon if you can bear to wait that long?! "...undaunted by odds, unwearied in their constant challenge and mortal danger... by their prowess and by their devotion. Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few".

It's back - and this time it's Personal!

Enfield Town versus Tonbridge Angels
Ryman League Premier Division
Saturday 8th August, 2015 – 3pm kick-off

Yes, welcome back! It’s a real mish-mash of coverage this week, football fans. Derivative; slow off the mark; slow to get back in the groove – a description that applies equally to both me AND the players of Enfield Town F. C., in this first week of the new Ryman Isthmian League Premier Division season.

After 15 years of existence as a club, the F.A.’s shameful shenanigans at the end of last term had made the 15-week break seem particularly lengthy and tedious for Towners fans around the globe. With each week feeling, more or less, a year long, to match the club's age. The manager and team were certainly making all the right pre-season noises: about “putting all the wrongs right” and “letting their football do the talking on the pitch”. As the sun shone brightly on the emerald green sward of the Queen Elizabeth II stadium and the holiday crowd of 451 expectant souls soaked up the early-August atmosphere, it was easy to get sucked into the illusion that everything would soon be right with the world; and justice would be seen to be done.

Our visitors would, however, prove to be a tough opening day test. Tonbridge Football Club was formed in October 1947 and took out a lease on the Angel Ground, formerly the home of Kent County Cricket Club, named after the nearby hotel, 'The Angel'. Hence Tonbridge became known as 'The Angels'. Stop me if you've heard all this before. A crowd of around 5,000 turned up for the club's opening league fixture against fellow newcomers Hastings United but the match was lost 2–1; and they were unlikely to face a similar crowd at Donkey Lane today.

During the 2014-15 season, steps were taken by Angels supporters to purchase shares in the club, so as to make it majority-owned by its fans; a model familiar to Enfield supporters and club members. Taking a short France-bound tangential mental detour, and given their ground’s proximity to the exit of the Channel Tunnel, it was something of a surprise to note that the Angels’ entire squad claims English nationality.

In order to break myself slowly back into the rhythm of a new season of Towners coverage, I have decided to let a triumvirate of excellent contributors take most of the strain off my shoulders, this week. My first offering comes from “The Guardian”; and is provided by a local school teacher, who brought a mass of untidy, sprawling kids along to their first football match, at The Lane, late last season. It’s not often The Towners rate ‘broadsheet’ coverage, so we must make the most of it. My sincere thanks go to one Mr. Jez Crooks, late of Chelmsford Town F.C., for drawing it to my attention, originally; although the club also since chose to feature it, in their opening day programme (cover picture, above) as the centre-page spread. And quite rightly - “The day a teacher took 40 primary school kids to watch Enfield Town”; although, OK, perhaps it’s NOT the snappiest of headlines, but don't let THAT put you off: http://www.theguardian.com/football/when-saturday-comes-blog/2015/jul/10/teacher-school-enfield-town-non-league

1st-half action: Town carry the game to Angels; the pattern for most of the game.

If that article hasn’t already warmed the cockles of your hardened, salt-water heart, then the following link surely will. My second offering may be slightly less true, technically, than the first; but we live forever in hope. The Daily Mash made its bold claim with such swaggering confidence in the title of its major exposé article, that I could hardly fail to share it here: “Non-League football best place to meet Women”. Perhaps you have heard it here first - http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/sport/sport-headlines/non-league-football-best-place-to-meet-women-20150813101060

Enfield (in white) prepare for a training ground free-kick routine; and, normally, practice makes perfect - or so they say!

My third contributor is regular club coverage provider, Ken Brazier. I share this report in the spirit that he tells a bad story probably as well as anybody could: “Muted start for Town”; and I give it to you word-for-word; warts and all

This game was a rather subdued stalemate for the majority of the 90 minutes; but Angels secured all three points with an unexpected 88th minute back-post header from Tom Parkinson. On a hot day, which no doubt contributed to a lethargic first half, there was little to choose between the two sides, with chances at a premium. The challenges were flying in thick and fast early on, and Stan Muguo, Sonny Miles for the visitors and Nathan Livings all found themselves in referee Lee Forrester's notebook within the first ten minutes.

On 25 minutes a dangerous Dernell Wynter cross evaded everyone and, at the other end, a good ball in from Parkinson was cleared by Livings. Just after the half-hour mark, a great cross from Corey Whitely, who had won the ball superbly from Miles, ended up with Will Godmon in the away goal doing well to keep out a Livings effort. For the visitors, Nathan Elder miskicked when well placed, and then Miles thwarted Wynter with a timely tackle.

Half-time: Enfield Town 0 Tonbridge Angels 0

A 2nd-half goal-mouth scramble leads to ... absolutely nothing ... yet again!

In the second period, play became a little more open, but it was still difficult to see where a winner would come from. Nathan McDonald, in the home goal, returning to the Club for an extended loan spell, made a couple of great saves to keep Town in the game and, after a flurry of substitutions, Alex Cathline was just wide for Town, followed by a header from newcomer Olumide Durojaiye which was deflected behind for a corner. With thirteen minutes left, substitute Ryan Doyle saw a good effort cleared, and Samir Bihmoutine rattled the Tonbridge crossbar (pictured) for arguably Town's best effort of the game.

Just when it looked as though the honours would be shared, a cross into the box from James Folkes was met emphatically by Parkinson to win the game. A minute later, Cathline nearly netted an immediate equaliser, but the Angels hung on to preserve their precious lead. Town won’t have to wait long to atone for this result; a trip across Middlesex to face last season’s runners-up Hendon on Monday night, with the suspended Ricky Gabriel and Aryan Tajbakhsh available

Full-time: Enfield Town 0 Tonbridge Angels 1

Enfield Town: Nathan McDonald, Mickey Parcell, Samir Bihmoutine, Claudiu Vilcu, Jake Hutchings, Jandir Da Cruz, Stanley Muguo , Nathan Livings (Tayshan Hayden-Smith 84), Corey Whitely, Olumide Durojaiye (Ryan Doyle 73), Dernell Wynter (Alex Cathline 60). Unused subs: Joe Stevens, Ralston Gabriel. Booked: Muguo, Livings, Purcell.

Tonbridge Angels: Will Godmon, James Folkes (Laurence Ball 90), Jack Parter, Tom Parkinson, Jerome Sobers, Sonny Miles, Charlie Webster, Tom Phipp, Nathan Elder (Lee Carey 77), Tommy Whitnell (Luke Blewden 62), Nick Wheeler. Unused subs: Tom Pearson, Aaron McGuigan. Booked: Miles, Wheeler.

Attendance: 458

Thanks, Ken! But let me tell you all (crisp and clear, right here and right now) that Tom Parkinson’s 88th minute back-post header was far from “unexpected”. Regular readers of this occasional ‘column’ will know the steady rhythm of many a Towners’ game: possession, pressure, pulsating pride … with insufficient punch; and, almost inevitably, a steadily creeping sense of impending doom was increasingly palpable in the crowd, as the game wore on without an Enfield opener. On the plus side, Town looked fit and up for the fight that lurks in the season ahead. The extended loan signing of last season’s on-loan ‘Keeper, Nathan McDonald, is genuinely a great piece of non-league business. On the down-side, they lacked cohesion (perhaps unsurprisingly, given the FIVE débutants in the starting line-up) and the coaching staff seemed unable to communicate or implement a 'Plan B', against well-organised opposition.

 Yet another beautiful day in North London.

The travelling Kent fans were more numerous than is normally experienced at the QEII (around 70 semi-vocal fans – at least they were AFTER the goal was finally scored - occupied the away end). But their songs might well have been of a different hue, if only Samir Bihmoutine’s 78th minute strike had grazed the under-side of the Angels’ crossbar, rather than the upper side. It was the turning point of the game. Finally Towners fans knew it would NOT be their day, surely; and Angels fans began to believe in the unlikely prize of some all-important away points. Three, though, must surely still have been well beyond their fevered, Kentish imaginations.

 A rare Angels attack; but at least they'd brought some (quiet) fans.

It may have been "very romantic and exciting”; but Enfield fans were struggling to notice that side of things. It's true that your doughty reporter did manage to snaffle the second-to-last copy of the matchday programme; but that wasn't the fault of Pippa Middleton, her famous buttocks or her middle-class-totty pals. They had (perhaps predictably) failed to show; and, even though I had got the programme, apparently it still "doesn’t count". My journey had, indeed, proved "fruitless, which is quite annoying.” 

 Totally gratuitous, full-frontal, corner-flag 'porn'. In broad daylight!

If Sienna Miller or Emma Watson turns up next time, leaning against the tea stall or the burger van, I won't even bother with the team-sheet; but will probably give them a flea in their ear, turn tail and head for home, to save myself the hour-and-a-half of exquisite, non-league pain that would, otherwise, surely follow.

I'll get my cagoule!

 The natives: increasingly restless, "as time goes by".