Before we take this week's 'constitutional' around The Pyramid, the Football Pharaoh has a special request to make. A favour to ask. I am, sometimes, somewhat concerned that - of the many people who read this blog page all over the world, apparently, according to the stats - few have ever bothered to contribute their own thoughts or reflections, in response. Yet it would be great to hear them; wherever you are in the world, or in football's Pyramid.
I was comparatively relieved recently, though, to see that I am not alone in finding the cosmos eerily silent. Even the BBC has 'expert pages' that get zero contributions, though it is made crystal clear that they would be most welcome. Although, to be fair, the BBC page in question ("Light: Wave-Particle Duality - one of the most confusing concepts in physics, unlike anything we see in the ordinary world" by OU Professor Andrew Norton, of the Department of Physical Sciences) might be even more niche than this little offering of mine. If that were possible. [http://www.open.edu/openlearn/science-maths-technology/science/physics-and-astronomy/physics/light-wave-particle-duality?in_menu=160716]
A dialogue is so much better than a monologue, don't you think?! And you don't even have to talk or "Walk Like an Egyptian". All Real Football fans should have their voices heard. So come and shout yours from the top of The Pharaoh's Football Pyramid. And now, back to the real business of the day. Although, of course, we'd all prefer to hear from YOU...
Brighton & Hove Albion vs Fulham - 3pm k-o
Saturday 26th November, 2016
The English Football League Championship
This weekend offered me the lure of a new football ground. Now I’m not a ground-hopper; the type who aims to “collect” the home venues of all 92 football clubs in the top 4 tiers of the English league ‘pyramid’. Although such dedicated folk do, indeed, exist. The urge can become addictive, apparently; and, if that’s an itch you are keen to scratch, there are nearly 5,300 clubs in leagues within the English men's football structure, whose grounds you can begin to choose from; though you’ll need a lot of spare weekends.
But no, I don’t specifically target ‘new’ grounds – although there’s certainly a perceptible added frisson of excitement in the experience of visiting a new venue, when you’re following your own beloved football team away, “on the road”. A sense of venturing into the partially unknown. I doubt if I’ve visited more than a third of England’s professional league clubs’ home venues. Fulham (8th in the table) were playing away, at 2nd-placed Brighton. So the "American Express Community Stadium", Falmer (you've got to love the poetry of stadium sponsorship, haven't you?) would become only my 10th, for instance, of the 24 club grounds currently featuring in the Championship. Although I do also, by pure coincidence, plan to add my 11th in just a couple of weekend’s time; when I’m scheduled to travel to Wolverhampton Wanderers’ Molineux stadium, with a Wolves fan and former work colleague, Paul. Because that’s what football often represents for me: a chance to catch up with old friends in a well-worn, established rhythm of football banter, beers, burgers and bold bravado – however self-deprecating some of that might sometimes be.
This weekend’s rhythm was to be a very different one, though; featuring, as it did, a particularly close “friend”. Because I would be taking my 19-year-old daughter along to watch her first professional football match. OK, it's Fulham at Brighton; so let's just say "semi-pro". There would be banter, beers and burgers; but perhaps less of the usual bold bravado. She’s a second-year Drama student at the University of Sussex, whose campus is just across the road from Brighton’s latest ground. She's very used to attending interesting and engaging, professional performances in purpose-built venues; but rarely in the open air - and rarely along with 29,443 other paying punters. Having never shown an interest in watching sport of any kind, it was surprisingly easy to convince her that this was a good (and relatively undemanding) opportunity to break her football 'duck'.
Outside: a new stadium for both of us.
I set off in glorious, cool, morning sunshine; like a bat out of North London. Following the M25, crossing the river, heading past Gatwick and across the Downs, towards the South Coast, I had soon left that welcome winter sunlight well behind me, alas. Although, from the top of the Downs, one could still see sunshine glinting off the distant sea, beyond a veil of low cloud.
Emerging, like gladiators, into the away end: "We who are about to 'die' ..."
Incidentally, there was a good Fulham-related reason for getting along to this fixture. According to Wiki (and my mate, Ed) the largest attendance at Brighton's old Goldstone Ground was 36,747 ... when The Albion played Fulham, on 27th December, 1958. I wonder whether many fee-paying tourists ever visited that old ground. Like most sports businesses these
days, Brighton & Hove Albion F.C. Ltd. offer interested fans a tour of their new stadium. No,
really; they do! These are, I think, strictly for dedicated club fans only.
Apparently this one “lasts approximately 1 hour 45 minutes”. It’s difficult to
know quite how – unless the tour involves walking around the grim exterior of
the ground. Something that shepherded, visiting fans must endure on match-days.
OK, a touch corny; but an acknowledgement of the away fans' round trip effort (mine was longer); plus a touch of 1978 nostalgia.
Like most new sports stadia these
days, match-day travel logistics appear to have been almost entirely absent
from the planning process and choice of location at The Amex. Away fans are seated in the
South stand; as far as possible (of course) away from all public transport
links and the main pedestrian approaches to the stadium. Hindsight also tells us that relying on Southern Rail for a quick redistribution of tens of thousands of people is not a winning formula. Let me say that The Amex really is a very good new-build stadium; it's mostly just the location that lets it down. A stout pair of
walking shoes is highly recommended. .
As is a car; despite all the negative environmental impacts that causes. Although it later took us some time to exit the campus car park and join the stationary traffic on the Lewes Road, heading back into the town centre, we were at least glad to be able to sit warmly inside a vehicle, listening smugly to the radio as we (so very slowly) passed glum, envious crowds massed at the under-serviced bus stops around the ground. (High) Ticket prices include use of 'free' local public transport, you see. Which would be a great idea, if only 'the authorities' actually thought about the scale of transport requirements and laid on facilities for an additional 29 thousand people; but, of course, they don't appear to add any extra services than the normal, non-match-day suburban Saturday afternoon. Gliding disdainfully, in slow-motion, past so may unhappy faces, it was impossible to tell whose side had won and which had lost; but you can find out here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/38035226
As is a car; despite all the negative environmental impacts that causes. Although it later took us some time to exit the campus car park and join the stationary traffic on the Lewes Road, heading back into the town centre, we were at least glad to be able to sit warmly inside a vehicle, listening smugly to the radio as we (so very slowly) passed glum, envious crowds massed at the under-serviced bus stops around the ground. (High) Ticket prices include use of 'free' local public transport, you see. Which would be a great idea, if only 'the authorities' actually thought about the scale of transport requirements and laid on facilities for an additional 29 thousand people; but, of course, they don't appear to add any extra services than the normal, non-match-day suburban Saturday afternoon. Gliding disdainfully, in slow-motion, past so may unhappy faces, it was impossible to tell whose side had won and which had lost; but you can find out here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/38035226
Inside: a new stadium for both of us.
My own highly partisan view of the game, from behind the centre of the goal, was a relatively simple one. It was also from closer up than (and vastly different from) the brief summary provided in
90 seconds of coverage on Channel 5’s football highlights package. Fulham’s
game-plan was to smother the home side’s creative efforts. In defence, early
on, they “pressed” hard, closed quickly and allowed very little threat to develop;
while regularly breaking with speed on the counter-attack, themselves. Channel 5's fantasy commentary (presumably provided by someone who wasn't even there?) referred to a non-existent fluency in the hosts' play that was sadly lacking at the actual game itself.
These well-worn away team tactics allowed the hosts just one on-target effort of note in the first half. They also paid dividends at the other end, as early as the 18th minute. Former Fulham ‘keeper Stockdale inexplicably lost his footing, unimpeded, at a corner from his left. This allowed Fulham’s tall, but unmarked, defensive midfielder Kevin McDonald to slot home relatively easily; low, from close range beyond the far post, from an acute angle. The ball was cleared out of the Brighton goal; but even assistant referees “at this level” could not be fooled by a defender standing deep beyond his own goal-line, claiming to have saved the effort. Fulham's fans serenaded their former hero with "Stockdale - Is a Fulham Fan" and a 0-1 lead was no less than we had deserved. Fulham grew even more into the game as the first-half progressed; playing attractive, flowing, passing football to give Brighton plenty more problems. Only a strong and acrobatic save by Stockdale (making up for his earlier error) from a powerful, deflected, long-range Floyd Ayite volley, prevented the home side going into the break 0-2 down. He was also forced into another good save by the visitors' left-back, Scott Malone, before the break. The Fulham man really should have done better.
Meanwhile, Fulham’s current goalie, Button, had little to do; a testament to the nullifying effect of his colleagues’ defensive efforts. Across the whole game, Fulham dominated (with 59%) possession, enjoyed more efforts on goal, had more on-target attempts and had more than twice as many corners. As can happen in this Beautiful (but oft-times cruel) Game of ours, however, the result was, ultimately, decided by other factors. In this case, by two fine second-half strikes; one from each of Brighton’s dangerous forward pairing of Baldock and Murray. The Seagulls had averaged two goals per game at home this season; and carried on with the same ratio, despite having mostly much the worse of this encounter. For the second goal, Fulham’s defensive concentration suffered its one glaring glitch of the day; as Malone went walk-about with his arm up in the air, Tony Adams-stylie circa 1998, for the benefit of the referee … and the now-unmarked Glenn Murray. A flattering 2-1 score-line finally brought the Brighton fans belatedly to life; and they enjoyed their remaining 11 minutes (plus 5 added minutes) of supremacy. They had been noticeably missing for most of the game; as Fulham’s two thousand-plus travelling fans were very quick to point out: “Your - Su - pport - is F**- king Sh*t!” they sang. With some justification. They might later have added: “and your logistics planning is frankly awful”, as they began to freeze in long, unsegregated queues, awaiting the almost non-existent "free" public transport links.
In response, the Brighton faithful (who, ironically, regularly complain about homophobic chanting aimed at them) could only muster a desultory "Does - Your - Boy- Friend - Know - You're - Here?" How we larrfed!
The final whistle; and now it dawns on all those present (whether won, lost or drawn) that the worst is yet to come.
Goal-scorer McDonald later said “a couple of their boys ... said to me, ‘you’re the best team we’ve played so far, you absolutely dominated us, I don’t know how we’ve won this game,’ and stuff like that... at the end of the day we came away with no points, but we showed that we can compete with the best”. This game truly is a cruel, cruel mistress, Kevin!
On the plus side - and despite the defeat - my daughter was surprised by just how much she’d enjoyed her first game. She was delighted and impressed by the physicality, agility and power on display. Earlier in the week, she had thought about picking up a Brighton scarf in a local Pound Shop, just to try and annoy me. By the end she was able to say, unprompted, and with no hint of irony or sarcasm (one match was not, after all, enough to infect her with the world-weary cynicism of the career football fan) “The referee isn’t being very fair, is he?” She was not wrong, either. By George, I think she's got it!*
There is some dispute over whether the referee actually was James Linington (Isle of Wight Plumber and self-delusionist) as stated on the programme back page, see above. Or Keith Stroud, as credited on the BBC Sports webpage, but originally scheduled to be only the Fourth Official (a title which always reminds me of a Graham Greene or John Le Carre novel). I just assumed it WAS Mr. Linington, because the second-half refereeing performance was so totally abysmal - and Fulham have had recent experience of his inept match-day tyranny, elsewhere. He has PLENTY of form. See http://www.football-lineups.com/referee/1112/blog/ - where Linington's previous reviews say: "not good enough to ref in the pub league" and "frightened to upset a large home crowd. Has a reputation as a home referee and should be demoted" - both of which descriptions rang true and accurate for me in this game, whoever the referee actually was.
Linington features in an earlier rant on this page, in my Fulham-Norwich report, from just a few weeks ago. Amongst plenty of poor referees "at this level", he really is a REMARKABLY bad official - with delusional aspirations of making the FIFA list. He played to perfection his traditional role of “Homer” official. Which has nothing to do with either "The Simpsons" or "The Odyssey". Despite leading the foul count, Brighton picked up just 3 yellow cards to Fulham’s six. Yes SIX! In a game that had barely a bad foul to mention; although McDonald did, admittedly, ‘take one for the team’, in the 76th minute. Foiling the hosts as they tried to launch a swift counter-attack, following yet another failed Fulham corner and breakdown. But let me not rave on any more about Linington all over again, here. I just hope he's a better plumber than he is a referee. Leave him, Des - he's not worth it!
It's famously something of a tradition amongst "Real Football" fans (an unwritten rule, if you will) that you can never change your first club allegiance. You are simply stuck with the team which your father, brother, mother, uncle, grand-parent or other friend or family member condescends to take you along to watch, first. I am stuck, therefore, with London’s oldest professional club, 'thanks' to my brother Kevin; after having seen them play out a second-tier 0-0 draw, against Wolves, one warm and sunny September afternoon back in 1976, in my own first game. It was a match that featured Wolves' recently relegated roster of super-stars; plus a little Fulham stardust, too; in the shape of George Best, Bobby Moore and Rodney Marsh. Just a little over 40 years later, I could finally and belatedly get to tick off the home ground of that day’s first ever opponents from my hit list, in just a few days' time. I hope it won't be another no-score draw. I'm sure we will not be dazzled by anything like that level of playing talent, from 40 years ago. My daughter is now, similarly, stuck with a Hobson’s Choice of Fulham. Or, I suppose - if she’s feeling particularly contrary - "The Seagulls" of Brighton and Hove Albion.
To illustrate this "first club" rule, I once heard a gentleman of “a certain age” call a local radio ‘phone-in show (Robert Elms on “BBC Radio London”). As a young boy, just after the war, he said, his father had promised to take him along to his first game at White Hart Lane, so the pair could bond over the delights of a life-time spent watching Spurs. Boxing Day had been identified as the perfect opportunity to initiate these rites. A bit hazy about the dimly-remembered details, perhaps understandably, he thought the scheduled visitors might have been West Ham. Fate and the weather gods were to play a big hand, however. As seasonal snow-fall played havoc with the Christmas holiday fixtures, White Hart Lane was deemed unplayable. ‘Phoning around friends and family to establish where in London there might still be a playable surface, his dad finally identified a game that probably WAS still going ahead. So, although they couldn’t be 100% sure of seeing a game, they still set off manfully through the North London snow. He ended his story poignantly: “And, Robert, as a result, I’ve been a Leyton Orient fan all my life.” Poor, fella! … Trapped by the unwritten rule of the Real Football fan.
Jem's older brother went along to his first game at the age of six. That was also an away Fulham fixture; and, curiously enough, also in the city where HE would later attend University. On the warm, August Bank Holiday Monday of the year 2000, he saw Norwich City succumb 0–1 to the mighty, mighty Whites. That was also in a second-tier fixture, as The Cottagers made their royal progress towards 13 years of Premier League football. Ever since then, of course, as a result, my son’s been a …
Spurs fan. Great job, Dad! But I suppose it's better than having a Gooner in the family. So, between the three of us, we've now racked up a win, a draw and a defeat, in our respective first (Fulham) fixtures; all in the second tier.
How well do you remember
attending YOUR first (professional) football fixture? Do let us know. If there were any other new
fans attending their own first game at the Amex on Saturday, they will probably
now be plagued for life by nightmare memories of the post-match transport
logistics fiasco. As one Fulham fan, Mr. John Clarke, observed
later that evening on FaceBook: “Gutted to lose. Not aided by the
utter ball-ache of getting away from the ground. Fortunately the match
programme helpfully suggests an easier route (home)”. He refers, here, to an image featured across pages 4 & 5; and shared below. We really do just have a better class of stoical, reflective, thoughtful and funny fan at Fulham, don't we? They could probably do with some of those 'smarts' in Brighton's town and transport planning teams.
Transports of Delight: Laugh? We nearly cried.
Culture Vulture Reference:
* Professor 'Enry 'Iggins in director George Cukor's "My Fair Lady" (1964)
Culture Vulture Reference:
* Professor 'Enry 'Iggins in director George Cukor's "My Fair Lady" (1964)
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