The Enterprise National League South
Torquay United vs. Enfield Town
Saturday 9th August 2025, kick-off: 3pm
Attendance: 3,859
Venue: Plainmoor, Devon
AND
Enfield Town vs. Maidenhead United
Saturday 16th August 2025, kick-off: 3pm
Attendance: 758
Venue: The Dave Bryant (formerly Queen Elizabeth II) Stadium, Donkey Lane.
... And I don't mean that glorified nonce-fest we call the Premier League, either. I'm talking about REAL football. At grass roots level. Played by real men. Down and dirty. Just like it used to be in the Blue-Remembered Hills of my youth. With jumpers for goal posts and long breaks for meals. When sideburns went all the way and shin pads were for poofters. When grass was still a luxury reserved only for August. And maybe September, if the groundsman could be ar5ed.
Nowadays, we're all poofters, of course. Or women. Or both! And, even "at
this level", most players would complain if there wasn't grass on parts of
the pitch at least until December. Whatever next?
And so it came to pass that, in the catchily-named Enterprise National League
South (the 6th tier of English football's "Pyramid") for the second
successive season, Enfield Town F.C. were faced with an opening day 420-mile
round trip, to promotion-fancying Torquay United. That’s a lot of miles for my
camel to have to trudge.
Enfield's own season aspirations, meanwhile, may need to be somewhat more (ahem!)
"calibrated", having finally survived the dreaded drop last year only
on the last day of the season.
🎵“On the road again.
Goin' places that I've never been.
Seein' things that I may never see again…”🎵
I'm always (stupidly?) impressed by the commitment, determination and fortitude of football fans who follow their club through thick and thin, home and away, in sickness and in health. Sober or not. Let me reassure you immediately that I am NOT one of those kinds of hardened fans.
A holidaying and fixture computer coincidence, however, meant that this year I
would be able, relatively easily, to combine my first ever week away on
vacation in Brixham with a short road trip to nearby Plainmoor. Torquay's home
ground of c. 104 years; and a former home of League football. A new ground for me, not that I deliberately and anally "collect" grounds, like some do. Plainmoor is what many
fans would probably think of as a "proper" football ground. With a view.
Whereas Enfield's own home ground might be considered, by comparison, to be a mere metaphorical "tiny acorn", from which it is hoped a mighty oak might eventually one day grow. Sustainably.
Brixham makes a claim to be England's largest
fishing port, at least by value of catch. Albeit dwarfed by the major Scottish
ports of Peterhead and Fraserburgh. One look at this picturesque Devenish
harbour (see below) might make you doubt its mighty claim. Its catch does,
however, have a focus on valuable shellfish. A fact which also made for
fantastic meal options, throughout our holiday week: from Cod, Haddock and Hake
(of course) to shrimps, scallops and lobster. With many other different fish
types, in between. Including a curry. The food and the views are to be highly
recommended.
My Saturday afternoon view promised to be rather
different, though. If not to say prosaic. So it seemed only fair that, having
dragged an old college buddy who is now Devon-based out to join me at the game,
I should meet him at a pub with a sea view - for a pre-match meal and drinks.
Steak and chips with pints of local ale. Luvverly! I include this, perhaps relatively
mundane, detail primarily for the benefit of Grant Trebble (“Barbados’s finest”?).
Long story, and one of the prompts that first started me off on my long and circuitous Enfield Town (and occasional blogging) journey.
Though only one of us is in club colours.
Now, Hugh and I go back longer than either of us probably cares (or even dares?) to routinely remember. All the way back to Sept. 1982, in fact, and my first appearance at a Wednesday afternoon college team kick-around. He and I were amongst the small number of a male student intake at what had previously, and until recently, been an all-female college. So we necessarily ended up playing a number of men’s sports together.
It was all so very long ago that there is, thankfully, little or no photographic evidence. Perhaps cameras had not yet been invented? Eventually, we went our separate and different ways, of course, in June 1985: career-wise,
geographically, philosophically(?). But it’s been football that has largely kept
us rebounding and boomeranging. Coming back together for reunion tours and related
social gatherings over many years. Don’t calculate those years though, just cut us in
half and count the rings.
And yet this was probably the first time we’d met up meaningfully, face-to-face
together, in c. 8-10 years. Maybe longer? For me, that’s one of football’s
great, enduring capabilities. Providing us with opportunities to form strong bonds;
and then to keep them going over decades - and distances. That's what this football lark is really all about, isn't it?
Once upon a time, Hugh was a goalkeeper – and still is, at heart. While I was an inspirational,
Beckenbauer-esque defender/defensive midfielder. At least in my own head! And
still try to be, on a weekly basis, in the old men’s Walking Football format of
the game. Not least with Enfield Town W.F.C. Hugh and I were able to pick up our conversation and discuss the game (and all things life-related) as though we were merely continuing on from last
night's conversation.
Infamy, infamy…
they’ve all got it in for me!
After a spell of Northern missionary work in Scarborough fair, and a role with
the local non-league club, Hugh still bears the deep psychological scars of the
club’s alleged mistreatment at the hands of its local council. Resulting in its
winding up, after 128 resonant years. The club was older than Torquay United.
Enfield Town’s own fans will be only too familiar with the sound of the moment
of infamy which Hugh still relates so very passionately. The final nail in the
club’s metaphorical coffin.
A covenant had existed on the club’s McCain Stadium site, that restricted its
use to sporting activities only. Sadly, Scarborough F.C. failed to convince the
Borough Council that its proposal to sell the stadium to a housing developer
would raise sufficient funds to pay off the club’s debts and build a new ground,
thus deserving approval of their change of use application.
Yet, under new ownership, the site was mysteriously found to be suddenly deserving
of that very change of use confirmation that had been withheld from the soccer
club. "Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose", eh? But let’s just
shake our heads knowingly and head back to the day’s action…
So Hugh is also your man, should you want an intelligent conversation about,
and/or an examination of, non-league football. Its dos and don’ts, its
politics, etc. Scarborough, incidentally, now boasts a Phoenix club (The
Seadogs) as does Enfield (The Towners). Interestingly and coincidentally, these
two sides both play in the same level of The Pyramid: the National Leagues
North and South, respectively.
On the day, fan coaches travelling from Enfield left it late. Arriving in Fergie
Time, with just 3-4 minutes to spare before kick-off. Perfectly judged, some
might say. There were c. x179 away fans in attendance, including Hugh in his
honorary role for the day, out of a total attendance of 3,859.
"Are you not entertained?"
I won’t bore you with a mundane match report on the opening day’s action. Instead,
I’ve shared a screengrab of a short one below. From a more authoritative and
independent source. Plus a confirmation of Town’s line-up.
There was sunshine, naïve Enfield defending,
some arguable (not) offside calls and more besides. Unlike in the same fixture
last year, there was no go-ahead early goal for the visitors, to disrupt the
home side’s pre-planned pattern of play. Last season, Lewis Taaffe had slotted home after just 4 minutes. If only!
Stand-out players for United were their #7, Louis
Dennis (a recent arrival, apparently) and #8, Jordan Young. They scored the 1st
and 2nd goals, respectively and gave Enfield's defence a torrid first half. Young also earned their bang-to-rights penalty.
While, with a formation change and perhaps somewhat surprisingly, Enfield
recovered significantly to dominate and “win” the second half 0-1. Again, fair
and square (albeit with the same smattering of “questionable” refereeing
decisions – or, mostly, a lack of them). Whisper it, but there probably
should have been a straight red card in the second half for an “agricultural”
(rather appropriately) challenge on Town's striker, clear on goal. A Denial
of an Obvious Goal-Scoring Opportunity (DOGSO). Or, in this case, an absolute
dog’s dinner.
The home side’s website match report later ignored this Inconvenient Truth. But did acknowledge that, in their goal, ‘Hamon
was kept busy’. No sh1t, Sherlock! TBF, several of his saves were top class.
Each resulting in a forgivable nudge and a smile from my resident GK expert,
Hugh. Saving (pun intended) all the points for Torquay.
Enfield’s only goal came from local lad, Mickey Parcell (“He’s one of our own…”
– although he has also had spells at Torquay and elsewhere). You could say he successfully
delivered the goods. If you were into bad puns, that is.
Hugh and I are both in there, somewhere.
Source: ETFC supporters' site
Visiting
fans may well have left the ground bemused at the number of good second-half chances
our side had missed, or had saved or smothered. And at Town’s failure to secure
at least 1 point from their second-half efforts and their long-distance
travels. For 45 minutes, they'd had to make a lot of their own fun. With some great, mostly non-stop
chanting, and baiting of the home crowd. The second half had seen a considerable turn around. And a continuation of the singing.
To the refrain of KC & the Sunshine Band’s famous tune:
🎵"Town
away / Uh-huh, uh-huh / I like it!"🎵
Plus many of the other usual, witty suspects:
We forgot that you were here.
3-0, and
you still don’t sing. 3-0…
You’ve
got to stay here. We can go home!
With
Truro promoted on the final day of last season, Enfield have at least got our longest
road trip out of the way early. Although The West Country still beckons a
couple more times, in the shape of Bath and Weston-Super-Mare. Clue: it's really not THAT super.
I, of course, merely had to wend my weary way 9 miles south along the coastal
road, to yet another slap-up shellfish supper, overlooking the sea. Tasty! But I would rather have had 3 opening day points to digest. Or at least one.
More of the Same?
Town’s much-improved
second half performance at Torquay boded well for the visit of newly-relegated
Maidenhead United, the following Saturday. Those “Magpies” arrived under the leadership of former Upton
Park favourite, England winger, and F.A. Cup winner, Alan Devonshire. Although
you might be forgiven for not recognising him, these days. Devonshire and I
share a Park Royal connection. Where he was born and where I worked for most of
17 glorious Guinness years. In other local trivia: Central Middlesex hospital
(which is no longer in the disembowelled county of Middlesex at all, of course –
although Enfield still IS!) is renowned within the NHS as a leading centre for
the study of gunshot wounds. I wonder why…
Luckily, my holiday schedule had me travelling home from Brixham on the Friday,
via Lyme Regis, Monkey World and the M25 car park. Just in time to take in
Enfield Town’s first home game of the season, in front of 758 x fans. This slightly
disappointing attendance figure is partly accounted for by that previously rare
thing, a Saturday 3pm home kick-off for local Big Boys, Spurs. Whose Under-21
side Town had recently despatched in a pre-season friendly.
I’ll be honest. This was NOT a game to write home about. Nor to write much
about at all. So I will, instead, again mostly leave it to that same neutral
source.
My own view? Rather than promotion prospects, Maidenhead looked more like relegation candidates. I posted at half-time that Town were looking the better team, against a "physical" side that did seem to love a long ball. And a good, unpunished shirt pull. Plenty of those.
It was goalless, at the time. And so it would stay. Good chances were at a
premium. And arguably the tastiest action of the day came after the final
whistle. Following a game where the referee seemed wary of making any decisions of import, and
where temperatures were steadily rising, a 20-man ("handbags") brawl was
always likely to be a fitting end to matters. Both sides will need to find their
scoring boots if they are to survive, let alone thrive, this season. If not their boxing gloves.
Mind you, the visitors did arrive with a decent away following, amongst the 758 present. My
encounters with whom were NOT promising. Clearly already surprisingly “refreshed”
before kick-off, I had more trouble understanding what they were saying than I’d
had with the Torquay fans.
It would seem they were still smarting from their recent relegation. And
perceived mismanagement, etc. Now, if only their club were 100% fan-owned, eh? And
being built sustainably, from the ground up, based on its actual income. A
concept that will, surely, never catch on "at this level". But don’t call me Surely!
A mere single point harvested from the first 6 available may not look like much. But, as I type, we are barely more than 2 hours away from kick-off time of the next league fixture. Against local rivals, Hornchurch (7.45pm K-O). The fixtures come thick and fast, this early in the new season. A win would put Enfield on a healthy 4 points (W1 D1 L1). And even a single point would be respectable.
While a defeat would probably have Towners fans reflecting on an uncomfortable Deja Vu.
And now, for me at least, it's back to the serious business of Walking Football...
Post Script: An 88th minute Tuesday night winner for the visitors prevented Enfield's hoped-for progress UP the table. Instead, we are second from bottom. While Hornchurch's continued 100% record has lifted them to second from the top. Just ahead of Torquay. Yes, it's been a truly tough opening to the new season for The Towners. And it's already feeling like déjà vu, all over again. To quote the iconic professional baseball player, manager, coach and wit, Lawrence "Yogi" Berra.
But things can only get better.
Right?
No comments:
Post a Comment