Come in, number four; your time is up! Three of leafy Enfield's finest?
On Saturday, Cal & I walked to the QEII stadium (a first) and took in a mini pub crawl en route to supporting our most local team. We experienced minor irritations along the way (a quiz machine which was broken and kept pretending we’d got the wrong answers; a pool table which stole our pound, although the bar staff did give it back; that fourth (closed) pub, which meant we couldn’t complete our planned mini pub crawl in style – or use their gents' toilet before the last leg of the walk to the ground … something of a ‘schoolboy error’, to be sure). We just hoped these weren’t omens of a bad afternoon to come, at the Donkey-Drome.
Maidstone United started the day as table-toppers, with a points haul more than double Enfield’s, who were languishing in 15th place. After back-to-back wins, home and away, however, The Towners must have felt confident of making a game out of a fixture whose result, on paper at least, looked pretty much a foregone conclusion. Maidstone’s club crest features two golden lions and a white horse (fair enough, you might say) and something else that looks like a badly-drawn grey dinosaur ("WtF?" you might ask). That is plain weird. Just how would these fearsome creatures fare against the might of Enfield’s enfield (see previous blog entry on matters heraldic)? I have a friend who places sports bets exclusively on the basis of the likely outcome of a fight between each club's mascots; and I was concerned that our enfield might simply be outnumbered.
The cast of "Toy Story", perhaps?
One topic of recent father-and-son football conversation had been the apparent concentration of goal-scoring capability amongst the leading teams in the Ryman Premier League. Combined with the consequent concentration of goal-conceding capability amongst the lower teams in the Ryman Premier League. The visitors held a strong advantage in this department; but their roster of goal-scorers must be a broad one, since their top striker Frannie Collin had just 6 goals to his credit, matching Enfield’s own Corey Whiteley. Collin’s name may be familiar to that rare breed – Gillingham fans. Even Grant remembers him; and assures me that he was once touted as The Gills' 'next big thing'. Collin joined the Gills in 2005, scoring on his debut in a 2-0 league cup win before later following Gills' boss Andy Hessenthaler, when he moved to Dover Athletic. At this level, indeed at ANY level, a reliably consistent striker is a major asset. George Borg's ventures into the summer transfer market had convinced him that his best new striking option was, errrm .... to convert his CB and skipper, Mark Kirby, to play up front alongside Liam Hope. Borg has now left the club under a cloud and Kirby is firmly back in the heart of defence - which, I think speaks volumes. Alas, it also leaves Enfield with a front line which has not been strengthened since last season - something which must now be a priority for the club's new manager and the board, if we are to avoid a repeat of the early summer, end-of-season, relegation dog-fight.
What's under there, then? - photo: Tom Scott
The pre-match celebrations of Non-League Football Day included a rather inept unveiling of sponsorship for the covered area at the Eastern end of the ground, to the clear bemusement of some unimpressed Maidstone supporters. SH Property Agents Limited are now the proud(?) sponsors of the stand; a structure which later took a right peppering, during the rather half-hearted half-time ‘cross-bar challenge’ competition celebrations; a contest between inept supporters of the two teams. Organisers must have had to work hard to find a motley crew capable of such footballing incompetence, surpassing even that witnessed during the match. That despite having plenty to choose from amongst a season’s best crowd of 652. "The Stones" had brought more travelling support than most away sides; but still a fairly disappointing number, given that their lowest gate of the season was, by-far-and-away, substantially bigger than anyone else's biggest. I guess their attendances suggest there's not normally much else to do in mid-Kent on a Saturday; but perhaps a return journey through the Dartford Tunnel is not quite so alluring. Despite the unusual sight of not one but TWO coaches parked inside the QEII ground, the visitors deserved the ready admonition of the home fans: “Is – that all – you take away?”
In a first-half that saw few meaningful chances for the home side, The Stones created only a few themselves, despite being the more fluent side. The big difference was that Maidstone seemed capable of converting some of their few chances; whilst Enfield, lacking a target man up front to receive or hold up the many high balls delivered, looked largely toothless. All of which was in keeping with the evidence of the pre-match league table. After dominating early possession, The Towners conceded after only 15 minutes. They failed to deal with The Stones’ busy #7, Matt Bodkin - who, like Collin, is a former Gills player. Bodkin turned inside, on the right-hand edge of the box, and stepped comfortably around several challenges, before pushing the ball out for a cross from right-back and #2, Dean Pooley. His cross took a deflection, looping up to allow Alex Flisher to despatch a towering header into the top left of the goal. It was his third goal in as many games; and perhaps the best-timed, since it took the wind (or, at least, the huff and puff) out of Enfield’s sails. The goal was celebrated briefly by fans at the away end; giving rise to some banter: “1-0 – and you STILL don’t sing; 1-0 …”
Mills (#3) executes another Kentish greeting (the famous unseen 2-armed shove in the back). Whiteley is in mid-air, foolishly attempting to win the ball legally
Until that point, Maidstone had not looked much like a table-topping outfit; but a go-ahead goal makes a big difference. Flischer had another good chance and should have doubled the visitors’ lead, a few minutes later; but, one-on-one with Town's Nathan McDonald, his low shot was gloved wide by the ‘keeper. The Stones relied heavily on a long-throw tactic, which reaped little reward; but kept home fans terrified at every unleashing – like North London blitz victims awaiting the outcome of the latest V1 raid. Meanwhile, the best Towners could manage in response in the first half were a Corey Whitley shot which curled wide of the right hand post, after a good run and delivery from Tyler Campbell down the left hand side; and, later, Liam Hope’s enthusiastic chase onto a poor back-pass, which Lee Worgan in the Maidstone goal reached first – barely! After 22 minutes, the singing duel between the two sides' fans (if it deserved such a term) had become so clearly one-sided that a 4-year old Enfield fan was allowed successfully to lead the home singing. Certainly one for the future, there.
Town pressure again comes to naught, as Kirby is beaten to the ball narrowly.
A few little vignettes illustrate both Maidstone’s ongoing gamesmanship and the match officials’ weak handling of them. In the first, one of the smallest man on the pitch (SMotP) Corey Whitely was badly fouled on the edge of the box, as he probed for an opening with the ball at his feet. Kentish studs collected Enfield ankles, as the unaffected and uninvolved ball continued rolling on its merry way. The referee, surely the youngest on this league’s roster(?), standing just feet away, saw no offence. In the second incident, the SMotP closed down the LMotP, United’s #4, CB and captain Steve Watt, as the latter launched yet another uncultured, skyward clearance, high into the Enfield stratosphere. Though there was no visible contact, Maidstone’s LMotP went down like the proverbial ‘sack of potatoes’; and, for some time, it seemed for all the world that only a mercy-killing could relieve him of his pain from this invisible, mortal blow. He still had time for a wink and a sly wave away of the visitors’ physio, who was about to enter the pitch from the side-line. Of course, treatment by the physio would have required the wily old-timer to leave the field of play. The referee decided this was the perfect time to give out his first ‘stern talking to’; to the SMotP. That proved to be just the ticket for Watt. Suddenly and inexplicably, he was back on his feet, bounding away from the scene of the alleged crime like a Spring lamb. In the third of our little vignettes, after 40 minutes Mark Kirby made an excellent interception just inside his own half, clearing the danger of a Maidstone attack by beating their #8, Jack Parkinson, to the ball – and, in turn, launching an attack down the left for Enfield. The referee was, again, just feet away and saw no incident; but his linesman, perhaps 5 yards further away thought that HE did - and over-ruled his ref, raising his flag for an infringement after some considerable delay. Play was recalled and this was the cue for Watts to start some ‘argy-bargy’, pushing and shoving the much larger Kirby, in retaliation for what seemed to have been absolutely nothing. Kirby stood his ground docilely, like a shire horse being pestered by a Jack Russell. The result? Another stern talking to; this time for the bewildered Kirby. Watt was lucky not to receive a card; and it could easily have been red. This, of course, entertained the home fans no end: “You don’t – know what – you’re doing!” Half-time arrived, with the score still 0-1 – and it was time to carry on once again with those desultory, on-pitch ‘celebrations’ of Non-League Day.
In their previous match, Enfield had poached a goal early in the second half; and sure enough, a goal was not long in coming, once again. In the 46th minute, Town’s defence failed to deal with Maidstone’s influential Matt Bodkin. Skipper Mark Kirby was sold a simple dummy, as the visitors’ #7 made a mazy run, ending with a low shot past McDonald, into the net. It was ‘child’s play’ for the diminutive midfielder. You could even say that Bodkin had ‘threaded the eye of an Enfield needle’, despite his normal-sized eyes (“Bodkin”: noun; a thick, blunt needle with a large eye). Just three minutes later, Stones’ #10 Frannie Collin was given far too much space to run into the right hand channel on the edge of the box. He neatly received a well-timed ball in from the right and continued to the line, from where he pulled the ball back into the middle for #6, James Rogers, to side-foot home with aplomb, into the gaping space in the bottom right-hand corner of the net. Score-line: 0-3; perhaps a little flattering to the visitors, since each away goal had been hand-made in Enfield and delivered on a silver platter; but they were giving the blunt home forward line a lesson in how to make the most of limited chances. “3-0 – and you STILL don’t sing; 3-0 - …”
Town, however, seemed unfazed and continued to maintain possession and apply pressure – though their toil was without end result. The visitors, meanwhile, continued with their ‘robust’, physical approach to the game; particularly in defence. The match officials had so far managed the usual display of Ryman Premier League ineptitude and error; but they were about to truly excel themselves in this field. In the space of just 30 seconds they combined to make not one but THREE completely incorrect major decisions; each of which, individually, would have arguably dictated a very different final result.
After 55 minutes, Maidstone’s #2, right back Dean Pooley, launched an aerial, studs-up challenge for the ball just outside the area. He was completely out of control and his challenge was a country mile away from the ball. Had his path taken him into contact with any other player they would, surely, have suffered a significant injury. A huge jeer of indignation went up from the home fans. The referee was, as ever well-placed … but, as ever, at fault for yet another negligent decision. He clearly saw the incident, since he waved play on, when he should have flourished a red card. Shocking! The ball remained in play, with Enfield continuing on the offensive. As it came into the area, it was clearly handled by the Stones’ #5, Sonny Miles. Even the Maidstone website match report later admitted they were “lucky not to concede a penalty” – from which Hope would likely have reduced the deficit to 1-3, against a team who should have now been down to 10 men; perhaps only 9. Instead, the ball broke to midfield, where United’s Jack Parkinson and Town’s Nathan Livings battled for a 50-50 ball. The referee blew his whistle for another foul which was invisible to the home end; and no-one could have predicted what was to come next… which was a c. 20-man brawl, including one feisty linesmen! The referee’s inexperience and callow decision-making had, almost inevitably, finally led to him completely losing control of the game. As the red mist eventually cleared the pitch, a red card was belatedly flourished. The home fans were enraged as soon as it became clear that it was being shown to their #8, Nathan Livings. Not only had none of us seen a red card offence by Livings, we hadn’t seen an infringement by Enfield at all. The punch up had been instigated, after an innocuous, if robust, 50-50 challenge, by several of the visiting side running long distances to push and shove - and even to throw punches. These included: the goal keeper, Worgan; the captain, Watts and midfielder Bodkin, amongst others. After Livings had been sent mystifyingly from the pitch, Watts was shown just a yellow card, for his part in the ugly proceedings. It was an unjust outcome to an unsightly break-down; and put the lid firmly back on any potential Enfield fight-back. Instead of being 1-3 down against ten (or, possibly, nine) men, they were still 0-3 down; but now with only 10 of their own men left on the pitch. Cal, who was probably the most neutral spectator in the stand, turned to me and said: "He's just got all three of those decisions completely wrong; and ruined the game. There's not much point in staying to watch the rest". Although we did.
Town’s player-manager, Brad Quinton, rang the changes urgently, in order to try and keep his side in the game and on the offensive. He brought on target man Jamie Richards for the much smaller Tyler Campbell; and then unleashed arguably his most potent weapon, in exchange for #9 Liam Hope. That weapon turned out to be errrm … himself! The changes were broadly good ones since, despite their one-man advantage and three-goal lead, Maidstone were largely contained for the rest of the game, with Quinton turning play-maker. Richards strove hard but looked a little heavy and off the pace and rarely threatened the visitors' defence meaningfully. Enfield continued to toil for an unlikely break-through; but most of their possession was expended sideways, across the pitch. Their only “reward” was a fourth goal against them. After 78 minutes, almost inevitably, yet another long United throw from Flisher reached the middle of the box, where Watt headed the ball firmly down and into the net, helped considerably by a two-handed shove into the back of his now-absent erstwhile marker. That devilish long-throw tactic had finally reaped its little reward, with an assist. The 0-4 score-line now made this game look on paper like a thrashing for the home side; but it had been far from that. The ten tiring men unsurprisingly started to give more late possession to the 12-man visiting side; but no further goals came. Enfield's enfield HAD been outnumbered, after all. The final whistle was heard by an already-dwindling crowd. "We woz robbed!" - and I don't mean by that dodgy pub quiz machine. The result kept Maidstone at the top of the table; but promotion looks far from an automatic certainty for them, on the basis of this performance - and its fortunate outcome. Enfield, in contrast, fell to 18th place. Just a little more composure and good fortune of their own (and some better, more consistent refereeing, of course) in their league games to come should see them climb away from the danger zone at the foot of the table. A reliable target man or a change of tactics might also help.
Bradley Quinton, Enfield's new player-manager (right, in white) feels the pace - and his age? - as ten men battled on valiantly ... against 12 - photo: Tom Scott
… and then there was the long trudge home - another first; but a less welcome one. No pubs, no beers, the Chinese take-away was closed for its summer break; just a two-handed chorus of moaning about the terrible refereeing, the disappointing result and Enfield's lack of alternative options in the squad.
Of course, The Beautiful Game is an art form, not a science; and, as a result, there are probably as many differing views on this match as there were pairs of eyes in the ground. This one is, no doubt, as biassed as most. Although I was briefly left wondering whether the author of the match report on the Maidstone United website had actually been IN the ground, given the glowing review it gave to the Stones’ physical and often faltering 12-man performance, against ten doughty men from lowly Enfield.
Next up, Town visit fellow-strugglers the Met. Police, on Tuesday night; with the magic of the cup awaiting them in their next home game on Saturday 13th – an FA Cup First Qualifying Round, against “The Seasiders” of Felixstowe & Walton United. Come on you Towners - but don't bring your buckets and spades!
Enfield Town's (long) road to "New" Wembley begins on Saturday. Book your tickets now, while you still can!
Update: I have also been alerted, by Eric Norris, to the midweek fixture which follows that big Cup adventure: MARGATE FC get their big night in the big smoke on Tuesday 16th, k-o @ 7:45pm. Eric says "Bring it on Enfield! ... tuck into some cockles and muscles and jellied eels, while we out-SMURF you again LOL!"
I'll be there to see The Gate, with or without their blue faces and busted blood vessels - just as I was last time for the 1-1 draw, early last season.
Margate FC roll out just a few of their A-list celebrity fans, ahead of the big clash with Enfield Town: Sofia Viagra, Katy Perry, Brooke Shields ... AND Hank Azaria. Will that be enough to maintain their RPL title challenge at the QEII?
.JPG)
